I Need a Foam Finger

I’m still #1 in the weight loss challenge. I went down just a weeeee bit this past week to put me at 3.2 total pounds lost. I’m surprised, to be honest. I’ve been on a carb-fest and not doing my evening walks and my period should arrive at crap o’clock tomorrow so I’m likely even bloated sooooo, it’s possible once that is all gone and I don’t go full bore nuts with eating I’ll see a nice drop next week! Yay! And if I maintain this rate I should, hopefully, get to 11 pounds lost by the end. I can do this!

So, as I mentioned I’ve not been doing my evening walks. But I’ve also not just been going home and plopping on the couch, either. I’ve run some errands, straightened up piles in the house, cooked, and cleaned the kitchen a bit and that’s not really allowed for much more than, maybe, an hour of sitting in the evening. Which is great. But it doesn’t get me to my 10k steps goal, either.

Yesterday I had reached peak irritation and it’s amazing to me how my boyfriend and my friend, Randi, just know me so well, you guys. Usually my boyfriend knows just in how I answer the phone that something is wrong and Randi just picks up tone in my IMs! It’s amazing. So, she picked up my mood and then allowed me to unload on her for an hour and then I felt better and then I realized last night “Yes, this thing is bothering me for sure but….PMS enhanced it.”  PMS is a bad mood enhancer, you guys. Then I open Facebook this morning and see a Woman’s Day post that just feels like a nice “fuck you” to me and I want to lash out but I will not. It is not about me. It is about the person that wrote it and I can rise above.

I sure do get tired of rising above, though.

Saturday was the charity hike and it was the longest hike I’ve done since being sick and I did great without any training and that made me feel good. Like, I can tell I’m not in peak shape but I’m no where near ground zero shape, either, Woo! I now have a really big hike planned for May and I’m looking forward to that and I need to get in shape for it. A goal!! A GOAL!!

During the hike, however, I found myself a bit back from my friends and it was nice and quiet and I was just taking in my surroundings and I suddenly felt this calmness take over my body. Like, I literally felt it flow down from my head to my toes. Calm and happiness. It’s like a nice warm feeling, cozy and relaxing. In that moment I knew without question how great my life is and how happy I am. Everything is not perfect, of course, but my life is rad anyway. I have friends that love me and are just amazing and supportive. I have a great boyfriend that does all of these tiny, quiet little things to show me love. My Mom and Dad are supportive of me to the end. I’m in the right place, right state. I have hiking. I have my life and I love it.

My food this week, for those that want to know:

Breakfast has been egg muffins with roasted red peppers and chorizo with a bit of creme fraiche. DELICIOUS! Also my usual one cup of coffee with the Natural Bliss creamer.

Lunch has been fried chicken meatballs (paleo) and a bit of pesto orzo. I’m on a pesto kick. I want to pesto all the things.

Dinner Monday was a bit of steak as I cooked and a few meatballs to make sure they tasted ok. Dinner Tuesday was, not proudly but deliciously, a large bowl of Breyer’s Reese’s ice cream and a quarter of a steak. Dinner last night was creamy cajun pasta with Andouille sausage. It must have been real good because the boyfriend had three servings! I know I sure liked it.

Over the weekend I used my hike as an excuse to eat a corn dog AND a hot dog on Saturday and then I had crab alfredo on Sunday so, yeah, being down in weight is amazing. But I’m keeping my lunch time walks going so I’m sure that helps as does the not sitting all evening despite not walking.

I’m doing the right things, I know it. I feel good about it. I just need to get back out there in the evenings and walk it off. It’ll help the mood and help the scale and help with my training for the big hike!

This weekend I have a Blue Apron box coming so that will be lunches and dinners for next week. One has pasta. It’s fine.

On an unrelated to diet and hiking and me note….I have to take my wee girl dog that I love too much to an ophthalmologist this weekend to find out what the cloudy areas on her eyes are and what the future may hold for her. Going blind is not the worst thing in the world, of course, but she is my little hiker and I love seeing her stand on large rocks to survey her desert kingdom and it’ll be sad if she loses that. So, good thoughts for us that it’s something we can slow the progression of, or isn’t a big deal at all and only requires drops, or is just nothing but little clouds and nothing to worry about or put drops on. Please and thank you and fuzzy kisses from my girl kid.

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In Training

Kiwanis Trail-5

I’ve gained all of the weight I lost while doing the Whole 30 and then some back. Apparently that’s what happens when you’re in new relationship? I dunno. But today I went grocery shopping and bought all Whole 30 compliant foods and did meal prep and now I have breakfast and lunch for the entire week all planned out.

However, most importantly, I’m back in training. Back on the trail. To get ready for the National Trail Trek in January! I’m so excited. And so happy.

I have lots to say but no time to say it but I wanted to say this. About the training and the happy. I like to make note.

According to the Facebook memories thing, I started my NTT training on this day last year. So, I think that’s a nice thing.

More later. Not sure how later. Hopefully not as later as this.

Day 31

I’ll post and update about the gym later. Today my focus is all about finishing my Whole30!

I sleep better.
I don’t feel the need to snack.
I don’t have cravings unless emotional.
I recognize my cravings as emotional instead of as true hunger.
I have more energy.
I don’t have the 3pm crash.
I’m a better cook.
I enjoy more types of food.
I have new pots and pans.
I have recipe books.
I lost 9.5 lbs.
I lost 2.5 inches around my waist.
I lost 2 inches from around my hips.
I can see the difference!

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My plan is to continue to eat healthy, real food and only eat “off plan” on occasion. I want to be able to not stress about going out with friends for lunch or dinner. I want to know that if I want a cookie for non emotional reasons that I can have the cookie.

Today I had a usual breakfast then I went to work and had coffee with all natural creamer and it was glorious.

For lunch I went to a food truck and had lamb!

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Everything but the aioli was likely all good. But damn if this wasn’t tasty.

Since I had the creamer earlier I went ahead and had a small amount of ice cream at home to further test dairy. No ill effects but I’ll see tomorrow if I feel bloated.

So that’s the end of my official first Whole30!! I am so excited and feel so good that I kinda want everyone I know and love to do this. But I won’t be that person. I had to come to all of these changes on my own and I suspect that’s how most people operate. So I’ll just be cool.

I can be cool!

Finish Line

Apparently when I’m doing other things out here in my real life, I can’t keep up with being up to date here. It’s fine.

Thursday gym looked like this:

FM hack squat 60×15 80×15 80×15
KB front squat with reverse lunge 18×10 18×10 18×10
FM cable curl & press 20×10 20×10 20×10
Planks 30s 45s 60s
Supermans 20 20 20
Leg lift crunch 10 / 10 10 / 10 10 / 10

I was late getting to the gym due to work so only got in 45 minutes. But he is really pushing me now. No more long breaks in between. Work and talk. Talk and work. Progress, Andrea! We’re making it.

Super hot trainer was there again. So I put on my smiley face. Every time he even looked like he was looking my way? I was smiling. Big, nice, happy girl smile. That’s how I flirt.

I did not hike this weekend due to the Relay for Life. But then the relay wound up getting rained and winded out. I walked for about an hour before this super wind hit and blew down all of the tables, tents, foods, and brought heavy cold wind. This does happen in the desert. Now you know!

Before decided whether or not we were going to call the relay a wash or not we wound up at Applebee’s as it was the only place open that late. I told the waitress I was sorry for “being that person” but she was so awesome in helping me put together something I could eat that would be compliant. She even sat down at the table and went over some options with me and we settled on a nice 4oz steak and sweet potato fries. She was awesome, nice, helpful, and patient and I wish I’d gotten her name so I could send in a note. That’s how much I appreciated her.

I spent my weekend cleaning my house and cooking. I bought a Dutch oven and new pots and pans. Then I cleaned my house and now my dogs are trying to put their touch on it buy spreading the inside of their stuffed toys hither and yon. Oh, dogs.

I always put off the cleaning. Especially of my room. I’ll clean the whole house and leave my room for last and then decide, eh…who’s seeing it anyway?

The answer is me. I’m seeing it. And I finally really saw it.

A nice glimpse into the teenager that, apparently, still lives in my soul.

A nice glimpse into the teenager that, apparently, still lives in my soul.

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But then I cleaned it and now I have the soul of an adult.

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In my cleaning I got rid of 26 items bringing my total to 249 items tossed out of my house. This consisted of old towels that barely covered my body thanks to being holey that I got for wedding gifts in 1995 and was still using, old undies that were not suitable for viewing, and then ten random assed things I had laying about my room that serve no purpose other than to take up space. No more randoms! You are out of here.

I also got rid of all of the cat stuff that I thought I’d already gotten rid of and hung more stuff on the walls in the computer room. So, I was busy and productive.

More cooking occurred to stay on the Whole30 and I am now on Day 29!!! Tomorrow is Day 30!! I’m gonna put creamer in coffee on Wednesday and see what happens! I’m planning to go out for a nice, local burrito that doesn’t have cheese on Friday! WOO!!

The last few days, though, I’ve felt nauseated off and on. Which sucks because I have no idea what is causing it. I am eating super healthy, I am sleeping so great, I have energy, etc. And then now? Random nausea. That sucks. Like, even right now I feel as if I could hurl. Not the best feeling, that.

I won’t weight myself again until Wednesday. Weigh and measure for the final results. I AM SO EXCITED!

There’s, also, people at work that have noted the improvements. One is now doing the Whole30 and asking me lots of questions, which is great, and another has made lots of healthy improvements in her diet. I think that is fantastic.

And now I’m gonna go lay down and try not to puke. You’re welcome!

Hey, Stranger!

Over a week has gone by. I’m not even sorry.

Last Tuesday I did this at the gym:

walking lunges 15yds 15yds 15yds Set 2&3 – pulse on squats
Jump squats 10 10 10
Reverse lunges 15yds 15yds 15yds Set 2&3 – pulse on squats
Wall sit 30s 30s 30s
Back extensions 15 15 15
2 way shoulders 5×10/10 5×10/10 5×10/10
Vertical chest press 60×10 60×10 60×10
Dip machine 80×10 80×10 80×10
Lat pull down cybex 40×10 40×10 40×10
Plate bicep curls 25×10 25×10 25×10

I am a PRO at wall sits now. 30 seconds goes by like nothing. I can sit there and talk like it’s the easiest thing in the world. This makes me happy.

The plate bicep curls were the hardest thing I did last Tuesday. Of all of the things that was the hardest. I have no idea why, unless I was just tired by then.

While working out, I asked Tyler if he felt i was ready to hike the canyon. He said yes. Then he also said that anybody could hike it. But I’m at an advantage because I won’t get hurt, etc. I just don’t even know what to do with that. I really don’t. Let’s move on.

Thursday the Star Wars trailer came out. I am a Star Wars fan and I’ve been keeping my expectations for the new movie at the meh level because those prequels were crap. Just pure crap, man. But then that trailer came out. And John Williams music swelled in the background. And there was that amazing panning shot of a downed Star Destoyer. And there was Luke narrarating the thing in a vague manner with dialogue from Return of the Jedi. And there was excitement. And then there was Han and Chewie and I got chills and I smiled and I teared up and just like that my expectation level went through the damn roof.

I looked around to see who I could share my excitement with and there was nobody. Not a soul. And it set off a course of sadness.

I didn’t gym on Thursday because I had a ticket to go to a live Welcome to Night Vale show. And oh my goodness how much fun was that?!?!? But…there was nobody to smile with. To enjoy it with me.

I live a very solitary life. It’s fine. I have friends and family but they’re all over the place and/or their interests are very far removed from my own. So it leads to me being alone a lot. And it just sometimes gets to me. This is one of those times. I wish I had a friend or someone like that nearby to share my joyful experiences with. I had that before and I miss is terribly.

Anyway. I moped about it and even put some sad on my FB and nobody really responded appropriately enough for my fucked up asshole brain and then that made it worse. I cried all of Friday evening. Alone with my dogs.

Saturday I got up and went for a hike with my hiking group. It was a very nice hike. Two really good areas of incline and it got my heart pumping good. It was a new area to me. It was pretty but nothing special. I’d go on that one again. A nice, easy 5ish miles.

I love this shot.

I love this shot.

This is me! I did not take this.

This is me! I did not take this.

Then I went home and napped then got ready to go see Purple Rain in a movie theatre with two of my hiking friends! There’s a local dude that organizes these monthly events where he shows classic movies in local theatres. This was the first one I went to and it was a lot of fun!

I love Prince. I love Purple Rain. But I totally recognize that it is not a good movie. But it’s one of my favorites anyway because of Prince. When I watch it at home, I watch it with the seriousness that tiny man is demanding from the audience with all of his over the top acting and temper tantrums. But in the theatre surrounded by people? There was so much laughter! Prince gets angry about Morris being a fool? Angry stomp and dramatic arm swings! Prince isn’t happy about his Dad slapping his Mom? Dramatic staring into the camera. Prince and Apollonia get it on? Cue all of the laughter!! I proclaimed “These people are making a mockery of his drama!” but I was one of those people, too. And it was fun. I had fun.

Sunday morning I dragged my tired behind out of bed and took the dogs on our Sunday hike. Riley is just not a hiker and he’s pissing me off. Which, really, is likely more to do with my being sleepy and sad. I cried. I found a pocket of space in the group where I was surrounded but alone and I cried. And people saw me jerking Riley by his leash and I generally feel like a jerk about all of that. I need to work with him. He’s not been with me very long. He’s got years of training from another household that I have to overcome and that’s not going to happen in four weeks.

Due to me being so sad my desire for a brownie was at high levels. I wanted it bad. I fixated on how sad I was and how a brownie would just make me feel happy. I can’t get a hug? I can’t share my Star Wars joy with someone in person that gets it? I can’t have someone just be there to pat me on my sad little head? BROWNIES WILL FIX ALL OF THAT!!!

I did not bake brownies. I, instead, went to the stores, cooked food, took a nap, and kept myself busy to try to distract from the fact that I’m a lonely little jerk.

I’m currently on day 24 of the Whole30 and I’ve been compliant every day, other than the getting on the scale. I’ve eaten clean and healthy every day and I enjoy it. I only want a brownie because of the sad. And it only sucks that I can’t eat one because of the sad. The sad makes everything stupid. Especially me.

But I have gymming from yesterday to talk about so let’s get to that, shall we? Yes, we shall.

bosu ball crunch 20 20 20
Bosu ball alt knee to elbow 20 20 20
Bosu ball alt hand to foot 20 20 20
KB single arm front squat 18×10 18×10 26×10
Stepper quick feet 10 10 10
Stepper dynamic step ups 10 10 10
Med ball squat toss 6×15 6×15 6×15
Med ball oblique twist 6×30 6×30 6×30
Med ball walking lung with twist l 6×10 6×10 6×10
Med ball toss 6×10 6×10 6×10

I felt good and strong yesterday. Nothing hurt. Nothing was super hard for me to do. Challenging and new, sure, but not hard. Other than the dizziness that would still arrive. Bah! But other than that? I did all of this without complaint and I am so happy about that.

And now we’ve caught up again.

Cheater

I just went to grab the stats for Thursday and they are not there. The wifi in the gym is messing with my stats, man! So, let’s see if I can put this together through the power of my mind. HAHAHA.

I did get back on the stairmill. The one that went crazy on me had an out of order sign on it. So I got on another one. And I reminded myself that if anything went awry to just stop walking. And it still made me nervous which is the only reason I can come up with for a normal five minutes on the stairmill to make my heart race, my breathing labored, and my legs feel like they are on fire. That all sounds like stress.

I still feel like my body is not as strong as it was. The theory is that it is because my body is learning to pull power and energy from fat instead of sugar and that is an adjustment and to be patient. So, I’ll try. I will try with patience.

So I did some upperbody stuff. I have no idea how much the weight was. But I did that and I laid down on the bench for the bench press and I did leg lifts. I can lift my legs but they are not straight because I do not stretch.

Then we walked over to the other side of the gym for ab work and on the way I made eye contact with a very, very hot trainer that reminds me of someone I enjoyed spending time with and I got all giggley and giddy and weird. When Tyler came back over with the equipment he was all “What happened? Did you trip over your mat?” Because that is a thing I have done and could have done again. I refused to tell him why I was so giggley. But that dude is distractingly hot. Distractingly so.

I did burpees with a wall slam and then more ab work and things weren’t as horrible as they could have been. That was the gym on Thursday.

When I returned home from the gym my RxBars had arrived and I ate one for dinner with a salad. And it was damn tasty. I hope they are all that tasty.

On Friday I made my first trip to Whole Foods and I hope to limit that activity. That stuff is expensive. I shall only go there if I absolutely need something that I cannot find at Sprouts. But I did get delicious Whole30 compliant bacon, herb sausage, and chorizo sausage. I made the bacon Friday night and it was really good. But what I learned from this experience is that I really do not care that much about bacon. Yeah, it’s very good. But I rarely make it at home and that’s usually just because I wanted biscuits and gravy and I MUCH prefer bacon gravy to sausage gravy. When I got out for breakfast and I get the standard eggs and meat and toast? I usually go with sausage. I mostly use bacon on things. So, that’s a thing I now realize.

I went on a good hike on Saturday after three weeks! It wasn’t a hard hike but I totally kept up with the leader and this hike has a lot of UP to it. So that was good. And it was magical with the light and the hot air balloons all around us.

dixie loop-8

I did not take this one. But I am in this one. And it's just beautiful.

I did not take this one. But I am in this one. And it’s just beautiful.

Then I came home and cooked some yum Whole 30 compliant foods, took a short nap, talked to my friend Jeff about our upcoming canyon hike!, and then got ready for a night of rollerskating!

40 somethings totally love to rollerskate!

40 somethings totally love to rollerskate!

I did so much better than the last time I went, which was a few years ago. My working with a trainer and my hiking has improved my strength and balance so that was fun to see. I wasn’t awesome by any means but I definitely felt more confident on the skates once I got on the floor.

Then I went to IHOP and watched people eat cupcakes, ice cream, waffles, and all sorts of good stuff that I cannot have. It was a wee bit sad. Because I’ve got the PMS and I want a fucking cupcake.

I got to bed around midnight and still woke up at 4:15 for the Sunday hike for my wee dogs.

They deserve this weekly outing whether I'm sleepy or not.

They deserve this weekly outing whether I’m sleepy or not.

So all in all this weekend I hiked around 8 miles and roller-skated and stayed Whole 30 compliant!

Except…I got on the scale. Which is not allowed.

I was very, very grumpy because of the lack of sleep and I saw a photo from the rollerskate party that I did not like of myself and it all made me grumpy and then I remembered that I didn’t eat a cupcake so I was very much going to weigh myself just to see that everything I’m doing isn’t changing anything and then I’ll bake some brownies and that will show them all!!

Except…I’ve lost damn near 7 pounds. In 14 Days. Today is Day 14 and I’ve lost damn near 7 pounds just by eating real, whole food. I’m not counting calories. I’m not tracking what I eat. I just eat what meets the criteria when I get hungry and stop eating when I’m full. And I’ve lost damn near 7 pounds.

So, no. I did not bake any brownies and I put the scale back in the closet.

I went to the grocery store, instead, and bought a lot more veggies. I’ve not been incorporating veggies into my meals enough so I’m changing that now.

Apparently another thing I’ve learned is that I am very much an emotional eater of the brownies and that PMS will wake up that urge like a mofo. Beware the PMS mofo!

Today I made that amazing scallops and chorizo recipe I saw on their Instagram and it was SO GOOD! That chorizo sausage is dangerously tasty.

Now I must clean up my kitchen from all of this cooking.

It’s Wednesday. No humps involved.

I could just do another photo post for the most part to show you all the delicious food I’m eating but I’m not gonna. Instead I’ll just say that I’ve been eating prosciutto, eggs and fruit at breakfast the chocolate chili over sweet potato for lunch, and then my pork chops for dinner. One night I made avocado dressing and had a side baby spinach salad and tonight I sauteed some red peppers and served that with green beans!

I had been feeling like my belly wasn’t as bloated but now I look down and I look fat as fuck. So who knows. I can’t get on the scale to see so I’m just gonna keep on keeping on.

I’m on Day TEN! of the Whole30 now and that means I’m 1/3 of the way done. I am so gonna do this thing and do it right!

Friday I’m going out to lunch with co-workers and friends and I’ve already figured out my game plan as far as what I can order. Grilled chicken and lemon potatoes. No salad, no sauce, no pita, no rice. The grilled chicken and lemon potatoes, though, at this place are so good that is all I really need!

Yesterday I went to the gym as I should and his client before me was a no show so I got to show up early. I went to do my warmup exercises when things went all the way awry and threw me off balance.

As I got on the stairmill it started moving. Like the gears were not catching. And it was going around and around and around with me on it and it was full speed and it would not stop. I then panicked instead of keeping my cool and cried out “HELP! HELP!” However, at a gym people are focused on what they are doing, they have ear buds in, the music is fairly loud, and who knows how loudly I actually yelled. But finally the dude on the stairmill next to mine noticed what was going on and was all “What did you hit?!?!” and I was all “Nothing! It just started going and I can’t make it stop!” and he tried the Stop button and then finally he said “Well, just stop walking. Ride it down.” And I was like “WHAT?!”! and he said “Yes. Just stop walking.” And he’s a genius and I am a dumb panicky awkward nerd.

I’m pretty embarrassed. And my confidence has taken a hit. I think my confidence was shaky at the moment anyway and this just didn’t help. So the rest of the session was an hour of me not doing my best at all and generally just being a whiny asshole.

FM hack squat 80×15 80×15 80×15
FM lift reverse lunge 30×12 30×12 30×12
FM lift stiff leg dead lift 30×15 30×15 30×15
SB hamstring curls 15 15 15
Supinated knee tucks 15 15 15
Superman’s 15 15
Side bend crunch 10 10

I will say that I do the supine knee tucks really damn well. That pleases me because there was a time that I could not lower/straighten my legs out that close to the ground! Core strength! I’m building it!

Then I went to the car and I cried. Because that is how I deal with being super embarrassed and shit. I’m a crier. I’m not even sorry.

The whole incident with the stairmill also tweaked the hell outta my neck on the left side. He massaged it out and I need to go do some stretches now because I didn’t sleep well last night thanks to that and it still hurts and tomorrow is Thursday gym day and I WILL do better than I did last night!

I was assessing the Whole30 today, thus far, with a coworker/friend and determined that even if I get nothing out of it as far as weight loss or feeling like a brand new Andrea? I will have learned how to cook and how to use vegetables and fruit instead of prepackaged crap. And? I’ve learned variety and that cooking doesn’t have to be stressful. And I’ve learned that I really do crave comfort food when I’m feeling not my best. I really wanted to bake brownies today. So that was a thing I kinda knew I did but now I know it for sure. See? Already learning.

My next projects will be to make my own mayo, find compliant chorizo, and make this amazing scallop and chorizo recipe I just saw posted on the Whole30 Recipes Instagram page. HOLY YUM!!!

I got to leave work early today thanks to some home repair that needed to be done and I’ve spent the day with my little dogs. I’ve had good one on one time with my Gladys girl and I’ve had nice one on one time with Riley and I’ve had enough of them wrestling on my lap when they should do that shit in the floor. But I think having this afternoon with a few hours that I usually do not have in the middle of the week did help with my mood. I don’t feel as Charlie Brown now.

And with that I shall bid you a good evening!