And Knitting And Knitting Aaand Knitting

I never made it to the doc to look at the gaping hole because it wound up covering up on its own once I let it breathe and now it looks so much better. Yay!

All of the muscle pain on the left side is gone now! Yay!

The bloating and uncomfortableness seems to already be resolving itself. Now I just get a bit of pressure in my chest and a feeling in my throat of there being a gas bubble and I’m still not quite able to burp but it resolves much quicker than it had been. Without any Gax X so I never even took an entire package! Yay!

I stopped my Prilosec on Sunday so cross your fingers that no heartburn or reflux like symptoms appear. Please and thank you.

So, it appears my recovery is going well and all I had to do was calm down, be patient, and listen to the nurse in the family that kept telling me 6 to 8 weeks. Tomorrow is 6 weeks.

Sunday I did a wee bit of meal prep and then last night I spent time clearing out stacks of paper, scanning in items for my photobooks, and generally being productive and I just felt good after doing so. So, yeah, I’m baby stepping in all the right directions!

There’s this snark site that snarks on bloggers and Instagrammers and I’ve read the forums of just two of the bloggers or Instagrammers they feature for a while. The Instagrammer is this girl that is a fucking nightmare of a person and she goes on these days/weeks long rants in her InstaStories and I used to watch them in horror and wonder what the hell is wrong with this girl then go to the snark forum to read other’s reactions. Well, I stopped with all of that. This girl is a mess and the forum is a mess and I just cannot be part of that any more. She’s insane and I don’t need to invite that into my life.

More baby steps!

Basically I just want to get back to the confident, truly happy version of me. These health issues did a number on me. Likely because I was still reeling from the election and the whole mess that’s happened since he took office and how I feel watching all of the hate and negativity and backwards “progress” being made. It’s hard. So, it was nice this last Saturday to watch the David Letterman interview with Obama on Netflix and then attend a Pete Souza event and be reminded of what a good hearted leader is. You don’t have to agree with all of Obama’s policies, I sure didn’t, but you need to be honest with yourself if you find him to be just a monster of a person. You dislike him for reasons that are within yourself and not him. Because anybody that lights up around children that way is not a monster. Anybody that lights up as he discusses the innate goodness of the American people is not a monster. You cannot fake that light in your eyes. The man cares, very deeply, about the world around him and making it better for those that inhabit it. If you don’t see that, you’re blinded by reasons I won’t point out but you do need to do some reflection.

So many baby steps over here. Because I finally realized that you climb a mountain by taking a step. Then another. And another. And eventually, you’re at the top.

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Pity Party, Table for One!

So, when we last spoke I mentioned I’d accidentally/on purpose rubbed off a scab and I had a gaping hole in my body, right? Well, that turned out to be a good thing because it scabbed over in a much better manner and it’s not so tight and weird and I feel better about that one.

But to not let me get too comfortable another incision site scab came off totally on accident and it’s a huge gaping hole that looks like an open wound and it is NOT scabbing back over on its own and now I have to go have this one looked at. Oy. Without question that area will be one nasty looking scar.

The gas issue is still an issue and I’m trying out different things to help it not be an issue. One of which is Gas-X but it, honestly, doesn’t seem to do a whole lot but a wee bit of relief is better than no relief so I’ll take it and when I’m out of that I’ll buy some Beano and see if that works better.

I also, in all of my research, found a message forum full of people that have had this operation and they seemed super supportive of each other and knowledgeable and I thought “This will be helpful. I can stop sounding like an old country grandma with aches in her knees when the rain is coming and just talk to people that have experienced this and it’ll be great!” Cut to my very first post resulting in a person telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

I don’t think that I was, I think I was simply explaining what’s happened, what’s going on, how I wasn’t mentally prepared for this as nobody told me the side effects of the surgery going in, etc. If that’s me feeling sorry for myself, I guess put me at the table in the back near the kitchen.

Another hike happened! A still not hard hike but with two long uphill portions and when I got home I crashed out on the couch for about an hour so I guess I’m either still recovering or just way out of shape. Or both!

I’m doing my hallway walks at lunch at the office and getting myself used to not just going home and plopping on the couch. Slowly but surely I’m building back up to the 10k steps each day minimum and soon I’ll even venture to the gym. Baby steps, I guess.

Tomorrow I get my temporary crown. One of my life goals was to keep all of my teeth forever and now that I’m getting this crown I feel like I’ve failed at this goal. I mean, technically the tooth will still be there. It’ll just be a ground down, covered version of itself. Bleah.

Overall my mental status I would put at an “yeah, I’m ok” level. Because I am. I’m just not super perky yet and that’s fine.

Current events are ridiculous and I’m dead tired of people being ridiculous over everything. No to Oprah for President! Yes, men, you can still flirt with women! Just don’t do it at the workplace if you’re not picking up a vibe from her! If you flirt with a woman and she expresses no interest stop flirting! Do not ask a co-worker or subordinate to watch you masturbate or anything else sexual! No, women, a man simply saying hello to you is not harassment, settle down! If a man tells you he likes your shoes, it’s fine to just say thank you! Unless he adds “I’d like to see them up on my shoulders.” A compliment is nice, say thank you. It’s ok to indicate and understand that a man yelling “Nice tits!” out of a car window is not the same level of horrible as a man forcibly stripping off your clothes and attempting to put his penis inside you. They are both wrong but they are not the same level of wrong and I’m a bit tired of being told I’m a bad feminist for understanding context and nuance. Stop thinking that just because one person of color says something isn’t hurtful to them that they speak for all persons of color! Stop only reading the headlines of stories and getting all social media outraged; the articles usually give way more details and you find out that there is a more complex story there than the headline implies. This includes 7-11 raids that everyone is mad about even though Bush AND Obama did the same thing. And on and on and on and on and on.

CONTEXT AND NUANCE PLEASE RETURN SO PEOPLE CAN BE REASONABLE AGAIN!!!!!!!!

I might as well just be pissin’ in the wind…

Doing the Cha-Cha

I hiked on Monday and I’m wearing my FitBit again and doing more walking each day. I’m still not back to the 10k goal but I’m getting there!!! Yay!!

Now to the rest…

So, apparently, my recovery process is going to be a lot of one step forward two steps back. I should have expected that.

For about a week, I guess, I was able to eat whatever I wanted and felt fine. Other than not being able to burp and getting full quickly. The burping thing was expected. The way the fundoplication is done prevents things from easily coming back up the esophagus. I may not be able to puke, either. Luckily I’ve not had to test that. It may loosen up over time and all be fine or it may not. Time will tell on that one.

But because things were fine for a week or so I’ve sort of been enjoying myself and eating things that I’ve missed.

Cue the last few days and being full of gas that I’m unable to get rid of thanks to not being able to burp and I’m super uncomfortable. Being full of gas and bloated is super uncomfortable, you guys.

I Googled to see what others had to say and, apparently, it can take my entire GI system anywhere from 8 weeks to a year! to fully recover. Great. I’m gonna go right on ahead and assume mine will take the year.

In the meantime I need to not drink from a straw as that can introduce even more air to my system and add to whatever gas the food I’m eating creates. Fucking hell! And I have to pay attention to when I feel full. Even if that means I take three bites now and done. Then an hour later take three more bites. Which is what it feels like my stomach can handle at the moment.

I truly had no idea how important eating and food was to me until this whole ordeal. Yesterday I let myself get super discouraged over not being normal yet but then I shook it off because it will get better and it’s just one area of my life and not all of them and if I pay attention and learn what works best it’ll be fine.

But, yeah, it sucks. I’m tired of having to pay so much attention to food and my body.

I also learned during a routine cleaning that I have a fractured tooth and now I have to get a crown. I’m going to avoid all other doctors for the rest of the year. I’m done with things being wrong with me.

This morning I was drying myself off and I did it too vigorously on top of one of my incisions and I broke the scab and guess what? My body wasn’t ready for that and now I have revealed a gaping ditch in my body and it made me feel woozy to even see and I had to put neosporin on it and a band-aid and for fuck’s sake I’m so over all of this.

Can I just have my life back? Can I just stop being so whiny and just deal with these minor things?

Stay tuned for those exciting results!

Haters Gonna Hate

Instead of listening to a podcast this morning I waited to hear the radio station play Taylor Swift’s new song and I like it and I’m not even sorry. I know she’s very silly and she’s being drama but I like that she’s not obnoxious and too much in interviews the way Katy Perry is. Katy is just TOO MUCH all of the times and I cannot deal with that. Tone it down, Perry. So, I guess I’m team Taylor and I’m fine with that and not even embarrassed even though I’m 45. Like what you like, is my motto. There are no guilty pleasures. I like plenty of what is universally considered “good music” and it’s totally fine for me to like Taylor Swift and y’all can shake that shit off.

So, there’s my take on current affairs.

Now, to my own current affairs!

Yesterday I did not want to even. I didn’t want to even at all. And by the end of the day, more like by 7pm, I was exhausted from all of the trying to even I’d done. But I woke up this morning and I realized….the deep muscle pain near one of my incisions feels so much better today. So now I’m wondering if my body was just busy healing some shit up yesterday and that is why I wanted to be on the couch and not even with anything. I think this is very scientific and I think I’m right.

Plus, on top of that, I decided to stop being so precious with my body and had begun sitting and moving and walking more naturally instead of favoring shit. And now I’m thinking that next weekend I will go on a hike and this weekend I will do my morning walks! Hell, I may even go to the gym next week and get that routine back in place. Boom! Normalcy.

When I eat sometimes I get a bit of heartburn but it passes, especially if I follow the meal with some dairy product of some sort. That has me a little concerned but I’m still going to give that time before I determine my life will not be what it once was in regards to food and digestion. I have, also, likely started eating the spicy and saucy stuff too soon and maybe should have waited but I wanted to know, y’all. I wanted to know. And I’m impatient. So, I ate the things and mostly the eating of things is fine and that is that the end.

I’ve been wearing the FitBit since Monday and while I haven’t achieved 10k daily steps yet I’m likely walking more than I had been and that’s something!

I’m also back to being accountable on my weight. I lost 5ish pounds during the stomach bug debacle and I’ve only put 2ish back on so that’s nice. A nice little boost. So now I am currently 12.6 pounds from my main goal. My next mini goal is to lose 7.6 pounds. LET’S DO THIS!!

My state of mind is fairly good, I have to say. I had a moment yesterday and that is likely due to the feeling of not wanting to even but today I’m all “Yay!” about life so I’ll go with that because living in the present and being mindful is a good way to be.

Recovery

I worked all day on Monday and at the end of the day I was exhausted and all of the people that were all “this is routine surgery, you’ll be fine!” beforehand turned into “You had major surgery! Of course you’re tired.” People lie, is the moral to this. They lie to calm you down.

Tuesday morning I was getting ready to leave for work when a major development occurred:

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I WAS SO HAPPY!!!

It happened again this morning. As did my period. Because life is funny that way.

I ate the biggest meal yet yesterday, a turkey burger and some sweet potato fries. So far, so good. I’m still holding out final determination until I’m not gassy or crampy or any of the things.

I’m healing well, I’m moving better, I’m sleeping GREAT thanks to being worn the fuck out by being at work and my body healing itself each day. Incisions are itchy, which is a good sign.

A week after surgery and I’m doing pretty swell. I’d say.

So swell that this morning I put my FitBit on the charger so I can start wearing it again and start getting a bit of my routine back in place.

Life is about to be all sorts of normal. Amen.

Tomfuckery

I finally got my Fitbit to sync on Friday morning. It synced all of Thursday and that was it. So I had to manually enter my steps as exercise for the rest of Tuesday and all of Wednesday. So, taking those photos didn’t seem so insane after all!

And doing my walks in the evening pushed me to my very first, I do believe, all 10k+ each day week! Go me!!fitbit weekly stats

But what I learned today is that my manually entered steps didn’t count in the rankings and instead of being in 2nd place on my friends list, by less than 2k!, I’m in 4th place. What?!?! This is some Fitbit Bullshit right here!

fitbit bullshit

So, I guess once Tuesday and Wednesday stats fall off I’ll be in my correct ranking position and I can quit being an obsessive maniac over the whole thing.

But, again…if it’s getting me to actually move more and care about losing the weight then it’s a good mania. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Finish Line

Apparently when I’m doing other things out here in my real life, I can’t keep up with being up to date here. It’s fine.

Thursday gym looked like this:

FM hack squat 60×15 80×15 80×15
KB front squat with reverse lunge 18×10 18×10 18×10
FM cable curl & press 20×10 20×10 20×10
Planks 30s 45s 60s
Supermans 20 20 20
Leg lift crunch 10 / 10 10 / 10 10 / 10

I was late getting to the gym due to work so only got in 45 minutes. But he is really pushing me now. No more long breaks in between. Work and talk. Talk and work. Progress, Andrea! We’re making it.

Super hot trainer was there again. So I put on my smiley face. Every time he even looked like he was looking my way? I was smiling. Big, nice, happy girl smile. That’s how I flirt.

I did not hike this weekend due to the Relay for Life. But then the relay wound up getting rained and winded out. I walked for about an hour before this super wind hit and blew down all of the tables, tents, foods, and brought heavy cold wind. This does happen in the desert. Now you know!

Before decided whether or not we were going to call the relay a wash or not we wound up at Applebee’s as it was the only place open that late. I told the waitress I was sorry for “being that person” but she was so awesome in helping me put together something I could eat that would be compliant. She even sat down at the table and went over some options with me and we settled on a nice 4oz steak and sweet potato fries. She was awesome, nice, helpful, and patient and I wish I’d gotten her name so I could send in a note. That’s how much I appreciated her.

I spent my weekend cleaning my house and cooking. I bought a Dutch oven and new pots and pans. Then I cleaned my house and now my dogs are trying to put their touch on it buy spreading the inside of their stuffed toys hither and yon. Oh, dogs.

I always put off the cleaning. Especially of my room. I’ll clean the whole house and leave my room for last and then decide, eh…who’s seeing it anyway?

The answer is me. I’m seeing it. And I finally really saw it.

A nice glimpse into the teenager that, apparently, still lives in my soul.

A nice glimpse into the teenager that, apparently, still lives in my soul.

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But then I cleaned it and now I have the soul of an adult.

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In my cleaning I got rid of 26 items bringing my total to 249 items tossed out of my house. This consisted of old towels that barely covered my body thanks to being holey that I got for wedding gifts in 1995 and was still using, old undies that were not suitable for viewing, and then ten random assed things I had laying about my room that serve no purpose other than to take up space. No more randoms! You are out of here.

I also got rid of all of the cat stuff that I thought I’d already gotten rid of and hung more stuff on the walls in the computer room. So, I was busy and productive.

More cooking occurred to stay on the Whole30 and I am now on Day 29!!! Tomorrow is Day 30!! I’m gonna put creamer in coffee on Wednesday and see what happens! I’m planning to go out for a nice, local burrito that doesn’t have cheese on Friday! WOO!!

The last few days, though, I’ve felt nauseated off and on. Which sucks because I have no idea what is causing it. I am eating super healthy, I am sleeping so great, I have energy, etc. And then now? Random nausea. That sucks. Like, even right now I feel as if I could hurl. Not the best feeling, that.

I won’t weight myself again until Wednesday. Weigh and measure for the final results. I AM SO EXCITED!

There’s, also, people at work that have noted the improvements. One is now doing the Whole30 and asking me lots of questions, which is great, and another has made lots of healthy improvements in her diet. I think that is fantastic.

And now I’m gonna go lay down and try not to puke. You’re welcome!