Haters Gonna Hate

Instead of listening to a podcast this morning I waited to hear the radio station play Taylor Swift’s new song and I like it and I’m not even sorry. I know she’s very silly and she’s being drama but I like that she’s not obnoxious and too much in interviews the way Katy Perry is. Katy is just TOO MUCH all of the times and I cannot deal with that. Tone it down, Perry. So, I guess I’m team Taylor and I’m fine with that and not even embarrassed even though I’m 45. Like what you like, is my motto. There are no guilty pleasures. I like plenty of what is universally considered “good music” and it’s totally fine for me to like Taylor Swift and y’all can shake that shit off.

So, there’s my take on current affairs.

Now, to my own current affairs!

Yesterday I did not want to even. I didn’t want to even at all. And by the end of the day, more like by 7pm, I was exhausted from all of the trying to even I’d done. But I woke up this morning and I realized….the deep muscle pain near one of my incisions feels so much better today. So now I’m wondering if my body was just busy healing some shit up yesterday and that is why I wanted to be on the couch and not even with anything. I think this is very scientific and I think I’m right.

Plus, on top of that, I decided to stop being so precious with my body and had begun sitting and moving and walking more naturally instead of favoring shit. And now I’m thinking that next weekend I will go on a hike and this weekend I will do my morning walks! Hell, I may even go to the gym next week and get that routine back in place. Boom! Normalcy.

When I eat sometimes I get a bit of heartburn but it passes, especially if I follow the meal with some dairy product of some sort. That has me a little concerned but I’m still going to give that time before I determine my life will not be what it once was in regards to food and digestion. I have, also, likely started eating the spicy and saucy stuff too soon and maybe should have waited but I wanted to know, y’all. I wanted to know. And I’m impatient. So, I ate the things and mostly the eating of things is fine and that is that the end.

I’ve been wearing the FitBit since Monday and while I haven’t achieved 10k daily steps yet I’m likely walking more than I had been and that’s something!

I’m also back to being accountable on my weight. I lost 5ish pounds during the stomach bug debacle and I’ve only put 2ish back on so that’s nice. A nice little boost. So now I am currently 12.6 pounds from my main goal. My next mini goal is to lose 7.6 pounds. LET’S DO THIS!!

My state of mind is fairly good, I have to say. I had a moment yesterday and that is likely due to the feeling of not wanting to even but today I’m all “Yay!” about life so I’ll go with that because living in the present and being mindful is a good way to be.

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Recovery

I worked all day on Monday and at the end of the day I was exhausted and all of the people that were all “this is routine surgery, you’ll be fine!” beforehand turned into “You had major surgery! Of course you’re tired.” People lie, is the moral to this. They lie to calm you down.

Tuesday morning I was getting ready to leave for work when a major development occurred:

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I WAS SO HAPPY!!!

It happened again this morning. As did my period. Because life is funny that way.

I ate the biggest meal yet yesterday, a turkey burger and some sweet potato fries. So far, so good. I’m still holding out final determination until I’m not gassy or crampy or any of the things.

I’m healing well, I’m moving better, I’m sleeping GREAT thanks to being worn the fuck out by being at work and my body healing itself each day. Incisions are itchy, which is a good sign.

A week after surgery and I’m doing pretty swell. I’d say.

So swell that this morning I put my FitBit on the charger so I can start wearing it again and start getting a bit of my routine back in place.

Life is about to be all sorts of normal. Amen.

Tomfuckery

I finally got my Fitbit to sync on Friday morning. It synced all of Thursday and that was it. So I had to manually enter my steps as exercise for the rest of Tuesday and all of Wednesday. So, taking those photos didn’t seem so insane after all!

And doing my walks in the evening pushed me to my very first, I do believe, all 10k+ each day week! Go me!!fitbit weekly stats

But what I learned today is that my manually entered steps didn’t count in the rankings and instead of being in 2nd place on my friends list, by less than 2k!, I’m in 4th place. What?!?! This is some Fitbit Bullshit right here!

fitbit bullshit

So, I guess once Tuesday and Wednesday stats fall off I’ll be in my correct ranking position and I can quit being an obsessive maniac over the whole thing.

But, again…if it’s getting me to actually move more and care about losing the weight then it’s a good mania. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Finish Line

Apparently when I’m doing other things out here in my real life, I can’t keep up with being up to date here. It’s fine.

Thursday gym looked like this:

FM hack squat 60×15 80×15 80×15
KB front squat with reverse lunge 18×10 18×10 18×10
FM cable curl & press 20×10 20×10 20×10
Planks 30s 45s 60s
Supermans 20 20 20
Leg lift crunch 10 / 10 10 / 10 10 / 10

I was late getting to the gym due to work so only got in 45 minutes. But he is really pushing me now. No more long breaks in between. Work and talk. Talk and work. Progress, Andrea! We’re making it.

Super hot trainer was there again. So I put on my smiley face. Every time he even looked like he was looking my way? I was smiling. Big, nice, happy girl smile. That’s how I flirt.

I did not hike this weekend due to the Relay for Life. But then the relay wound up getting rained and winded out. I walked for about an hour before this super wind hit and blew down all of the tables, tents, foods, and brought heavy cold wind. This does happen in the desert. Now you know!

Before decided whether or not we were going to call the relay a wash or not we wound up at Applebee’s as it was the only place open that late. I told the waitress I was sorry for “being that person” but she was so awesome in helping me put together something I could eat that would be compliant. She even sat down at the table and went over some options with me and we settled on a nice 4oz steak and sweet potato fries. She was awesome, nice, helpful, and patient and I wish I’d gotten her name so I could send in a note. That’s how much I appreciated her.

I spent my weekend cleaning my house and cooking. I bought a Dutch oven and new pots and pans. Then I cleaned my house and now my dogs are trying to put their touch on it buy spreading the inside of their stuffed toys hither and yon. Oh, dogs.

I always put off the cleaning. Especially of my room. I’ll clean the whole house and leave my room for last and then decide, eh…who’s seeing it anyway?

The answer is me. I’m seeing it. And I finally really saw it.

A nice glimpse into the teenager that, apparently, still lives in my soul.

A nice glimpse into the teenager that, apparently, still lives in my soul.

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But then I cleaned it and now I have the soul of an adult.

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In my cleaning I got rid of 26 items bringing my total to 249 items tossed out of my house. This consisted of old towels that barely covered my body thanks to being holey that I got for wedding gifts in 1995 and was still using, old undies that were not suitable for viewing, and then ten random assed things I had laying about my room that serve no purpose other than to take up space. No more randoms! You are out of here.

I also got rid of all of the cat stuff that I thought I’d already gotten rid of and hung more stuff on the walls in the computer room. So, I was busy and productive.

More cooking occurred to stay on the Whole30 and I am now on Day 29!!! Tomorrow is Day 30!! I’m gonna put creamer in coffee on Wednesday and see what happens! I’m planning to go out for a nice, local burrito that doesn’t have cheese on Friday! WOO!!

The last few days, though, I’ve felt nauseated off and on. Which sucks because I have no idea what is causing it. I am eating super healthy, I am sleeping so great, I have energy, etc. And then now? Random nausea. That sucks. Like, even right now I feel as if I could hurl. Not the best feeling, that.

I won’t weight myself again until Wednesday. Weigh and measure for the final results. I AM SO EXCITED!

There’s, also, people at work that have noted the improvements. One is now doing the Whole30 and asking me lots of questions, which is great, and another has made lots of healthy improvements in her diet. I think that is fantastic.

And now I’m gonna go lay down and try not to puke. You’re welcome!

Hey, Stranger!

Over a week has gone by. I’m not even sorry.

Last Tuesday I did this at the gym:

walking lunges 15yds 15yds 15yds Set 2&3 – pulse on squats
Jump squats 10 10 10
Reverse lunges 15yds 15yds 15yds Set 2&3 – pulse on squats
Wall sit 30s 30s 30s
Back extensions 15 15 15
2 way shoulders 5×10/10 5×10/10 5×10/10
Vertical chest press 60×10 60×10 60×10
Dip machine 80×10 80×10 80×10
Lat pull down cybex 40×10 40×10 40×10
Plate bicep curls 25×10 25×10 25×10

I am a PRO at wall sits now. 30 seconds goes by like nothing. I can sit there and talk like it’s the easiest thing in the world. This makes me happy.

The plate bicep curls were the hardest thing I did last Tuesday. Of all of the things that was the hardest. I have no idea why, unless I was just tired by then.

While working out, I asked Tyler if he felt i was ready to hike the canyon. He said yes. Then he also said that anybody could hike it. But I’m at an advantage because I won’t get hurt, etc. I just don’t even know what to do with that. I really don’t. Let’s move on.

Thursday the Star Wars trailer came out. I am a Star Wars fan and I’ve been keeping my expectations for the new movie at the meh level because those prequels were crap. Just pure crap, man. But then that trailer came out. And John Williams music swelled in the background. And there was that amazing panning shot of a downed Star Destoyer. And there was Luke narrarating the thing in a vague manner with dialogue from Return of the Jedi. And there was excitement. And then there was Han and Chewie and I got chills and I smiled and I teared up and just like that my expectation level went through the damn roof.

I looked around to see who I could share my excitement with and there was nobody. Not a soul. And it set off a course of sadness.

I didn’t gym on Thursday because I had a ticket to go to a live Welcome to Night Vale show. And oh my goodness how much fun was that?!?!? But…there was nobody to smile with. To enjoy it with me.

I live a very solitary life. It’s fine. I have friends and family but they’re all over the place and/or their interests are very far removed from my own. So it leads to me being alone a lot. And it just sometimes gets to me. This is one of those times. I wish I had a friend or someone like that nearby to share my joyful experiences with. I had that before and I miss is terribly.

Anyway. I moped about it and even put some sad on my FB and nobody really responded appropriately enough for my fucked up asshole brain and then that made it worse. I cried all of Friday evening. Alone with my dogs.

Saturday I got up and went for a hike with my hiking group. It was a very nice hike. Two really good areas of incline and it got my heart pumping good. It was a new area to me. It was pretty but nothing special. I’d go on that one again. A nice, easy 5ish miles.

I love this shot.

I love this shot.

This is me! I did not take this.

This is me! I did not take this.

Then I went home and napped then got ready to go see Purple Rain in a movie theatre with two of my hiking friends! There’s a local dude that organizes these monthly events where he shows classic movies in local theatres. This was the first one I went to and it was a lot of fun!

I love Prince. I love Purple Rain. But I totally recognize that it is not a good movie. But it’s one of my favorites anyway because of Prince. When I watch it at home, I watch it with the seriousness that tiny man is demanding from the audience with all of his over the top acting and temper tantrums. But in the theatre surrounded by people? There was so much laughter! Prince gets angry about Morris being a fool? Angry stomp and dramatic arm swings! Prince isn’t happy about his Dad slapping his Mom? Dramatic staring into the camera. Prince and Apollonia get it on? Cue all of the laughter!! I proclaimed “These people are making a mockery of his drama!” but I was one of those people, too. And it was fun. I had fun.

Sunday morning I dragged my tired behind out of bed and took the dogs on our Sunday hike. Riley is just not a hiker and he’s pissing me off. Which, really, is likely more to do with my being sleepy and sad. I cried. I found a pocket of space in the group where I was surrounded but alone and I cried. And people saw me jerking Riley by his leash and I generally feel like a jerk about all of that. I need to work with him. He’s not been with me very long. He’s got years of training from another household that I have to overcome and that’s not going to happen in four weeks.

Due to me being so sad my desire for a brownie was at high levels. I wanted it bad. I fixated on how sad I was and how a brownie would just make me feel happy. I can’t get a hug? I can’t share my Star Wars joy with someone in person that gets it? I can’t have someone just be there to pat me on my sad little head? BROWNIES WILL FIX ALL OF THAT!!!

I did not bake brownies. I, instead, went to the stores, cooked food, took a nap, and kept myself busy to try to distract from the fact that I’m a lonely little jerk.

I’m currently on day 24 of the Whole30 and I’ve been compliant every day, other than the getting on the scale. I’ve eaten clean and healthy every day and I enjoy it. I only want a brownie because of the sad. And it only sucks that I can’t eat one because of the sad. The sad makes everything stupid. Especially me.

But I have gymming from yesterday to talk about so let’s get to that, shall we? Yes, we shall.

bosu ball crunch 20 20 20
Bosu ball alt knee to elbow 20 20 20
Bosu ball alt hand to foot 20 20 20
KB single arm front squat 18×10 18×10 26×10
Stepper quick feet 10 10 10
Stepper dynamic step ups 10 10 10
Med ball squat toss 6×15 6×15 6×15
Med ball oblique twist 6×30 6×30 6×30
Med ball walking lung with twist l 6×10 6×10 6×10
Med ball toss 6×10 6×10 6×10

I felt good and strong yesterday. Nothing hurt. Nothing was super hard for me to do. Challenging and new, sure, but not hard. Other than the dizziness that would still arrive. Bah! But other than that? I did all of this without complaint and I am so happy about that.

And now we’ve caught up again.

So Many Things!

So, I hiked last weekend. Let’s talk about that, shall we.

On Saturday I hiked with the group that I like…until I hike with them. They just don’t go well with me. The hike itself was amazing and beautiful and I’m glad I went.

Superstition Mountains in the spring is one of the loveliest places ever.

Superstition Mountains in the spring is one of the loveliest places ever.

We hiked up to Praying Hands and they said there wasn’t much elevation gain, etc. on this hike but that was just not really true. The entire trail was a good, steady uphill and I did well on that part. And that made me feel amazing because the last time I hiked on a similar trail out there I had to rest a lot. But then we got to super steep, narrow trail and I didn’t like it but I was managing OK. But we just kept climbing and my head wasn’t right and I got lost in it and then I finally got a spot I hated and I stopped to think about it and the lady that is super nice but I can’t deal with her management style on the trail says “KEEP MOVING, ANDREA! THERE’S PEOPLE BEHIND YOU!” Well, no shit. I know that. I know I am not a special snowflake and I know I am not the only fucking person on the trail but goddamn. I like my usual groups method better. “What do you need, Andrea?” or they just get behind me and gently nudge me up the hill. They get me. This lady just mutters to her friend about how I need to stop listening to the negative voice of anxiety in my head. Again, no shit. But easier said than done sometimes. Especially once someone yells at me when I’m in that state. So, I found a rock and I sat on it and refused to go further.

On the way down my friends that were on the hike helped me as well as a member of the group we were with. He was very understanding of where I was and he was just really nice. But the whole thing got into my head and I’m realizing now that it actually impacted my entire week.

On Sunday I took Gladys on our nice, easy hike with our usual group of friends and there was another dog on the hike that just so happened to need a home. He and Gladys looked super cute together and it got my little wheels in my brain moving.

Buddies.

Buddies.

On Monday I made contact with his owner and made arrangements for a “trial run” to see how Gladys would feel about having a dog in her house. By Tuesday I was already renaming him and buying him a new collar, leash, and harness. So, I have an additional dog in my home. We’re a family of three now.

Couch time.

Couch time with Gladys and Riley.

But I also worked out with Tyler on Tuesday, as per usual!

Foam roller
DB SB chest press 20×10 20×10 15×10
SB crunch 15 15 10
SB arm extened plank hold knee tucks 5 5 5
rope work 20:10 3min 6 exercises x
DB single arm opposite leg shoulder press 10×10 10×10 10×10
Ski jumpers 10 10 10
Standing bird dogs 10 10 10

My hip had been bothering me for some days and I’d not stretched or rolled so he made me roll before we got started. It made a difference. I should get on that more regularly like a reasonable person. How many times have I said this now?

I’m not sure why I only did 10 crunches on the swissball on my last set. No idea at all.

He made me do planks on the swissball and then do knee tucks. He lightly held the ball but that made me feel like I wasn’t doing anything and he couldn’t make me believe he wasn’t totally holding it still so he then put it up against the TRX frame and said “Do it! See the difference?” and then I knew that he was basically just a set of training wheels and I then I did them and felt ok with my performance. It’s this type of thing that slowly made me realize that my behavior on Saturday got into my head and shook my confidence a bit and woke up my anxiety a bit more than that.

In fact, I should take a Xanax now and just kinda level off! Hang on… Back! Sometimes you just kinda need a help in leveling off, man.

On the DB single arm opposite leg shoulder press, my balance was good then it wasn’t then I was kicking out my bent leg to counter balance which Tyler said was ok, it was better than putting it on the ground, etc. Lots of balance work. The ski jumpers were for balance, too. And the standing bird dogs, I think were where I had to stand on one leg with both hands up in the air then you bring the bent leg up and crunch one arm down to meet the knee while keeping the other arm up in the air. I did not do these well. He wants me to practice this at home. To that I can only say this:

Wednesday I did home stuff with the dogs and the pool.

Thursday I did gym stuff. And I was not in a happy place in my head and my performance at the gym was bullshit.

TRX weight stick push up hold 10 10 10
TRX weight stick row 10 10 10
TRX weight stick ab extension 10 10 10
TRX weight stick crunch 10 10 10
Med ball purple push up high toss 20xLOT 20xLOT
Assisted pull ups 160×15 150×15 150×15

The TRX weight stick push up hold was TERRIBLE and I HATED IT and it was all because of anxiety and crap.

When he explained to me what the TRX weight stick ab extension was I was all “Awww, hell naw, I ain’t doing that.” But I totally did it and it was my favorite thing of the session.

The medicine ball purple push up high toss things? I had to do a burpee holding onto the ball, then a push up (which I think is actually part of a real burpee) and then pick up the ball and toss it high but far. But not like a basketball. I, apparently, have the March Madness! But I did these. In a terrible fashion.

We finished things off with assisted pull ups. They were ok.

Friday I went to a baseball game and ate a bacon wrapped hot dog and had a beer. Then I came home and did home stuff with the dogs and the pool and decided that I just should not go on the big hike today, Saturday. My friends were doing a special return trip to Oro Valley to do that second hike that scared the crap out of me. I was really very much looking forward to it but in all honestly, I just added a dog to my life. I’m away from the house 10 – 12 hours each day and he’s been couped up with Gladys, a new to him dog, during that time. The evenings have been spent with them playing frenetically then going to bed then more of that in the mornings before I leave for work. And Gladys’ whole routine has been disrupted as well. I didn’t think it was right to then also take the first day off to leave the house super early and then be gone all day again. I am going to take them hiking tomorrow morning, yes, and I’ll be home most of the day but I have plans tomorrow evening that are set. So, I let my responsible dog owner take over and I cancelled today’s hike. And it’s been really good. They’ve taken naps. They’ve shared couch space. They’ve been outside. They’re not playing like wild monkeys so much. A whole lot of settling in has started and it’s fantastic. That means that I’ll be able to start retraining Riley in some areas he needs improvement in.

Sharing space, sharing me.

Sharing space, sharing me.

I did, however, make a small grocery store list from the Whole 30 program and hit the store. Instead of buying pre-made breakfast sausage I bought ground pork and then researched what spices to mix into it to create my own breakfast sausage.

wpid-20150328_165538.jpg

wpid-20150328_165844.jpgIt is now in the fridge to let all of the flavors join together and when I get home from the hike I’ll brown it up, scramble some eggs, and I’ll have my first Whole 30 approved meal. It’s just too bad I also bought milk and ice cream at the store. Ooops.

I also went to REI and spent my dividend check plus some of my own cash. Because my dividend was not that huge. But it was huge enough to totally pay for a new hydration pack that I can wear on my super easy hikes. My day pack is now too big for that. That’s for my long day hikes. This pack will be for my Sunday hikes. And I bought three pairs of hiking socks and now I am all set for socks for the canyon! Also, thanks to my dividend check I know that I spent $1,050 on hiking gear last year! But only $600 of that was eligible for dividending. I bought some stuff on sales that were far too good to pass up.

Well, the Xanax has kicked in, which is good timing. OH, but I should also add that I got rid of three more things in the 1,000 Things Challenge before I close.

Good bye stuff!

Good bye stuff!

The mouse and monitor are being donated to a group home for kids so they can do homework and the earbuds that Gladys chewed up as a puppy were tossed in the trash, as they should have been last year when it first happened.

What I have now realized in my own head on my own, which is great, is that I need to try to not let people like that one hike lady get to me. I need to change how I respond to that so I don’t regret my behavior later. That’s going to be a challenge. And I need to rely on myself again. I’ve got a friend on the hikes that I have realized is my security blanket. She’s not always going to be there. And it’s not fair to her, really, to have to slow down or whatever when I call to her to get me through something. I need to rely on myself. I can do that. These are things for me to work on.

And now I will run. I’m feeling too groovy to type!

 

To the point

This has been just a weird assed week. It seemed long and drawn out but then by the time today was over I was all “Wait…it’s the weekend?!?!” And people’s moods were just all over. But I’m fine. And that’s all I can control.

My trainer had to cancel Thursday for a sad reason so we only worked out on Tuesday and it was pretty good. Sweaty, but good.

FM hack squat 60×15 60×15 60×15
fast feet on BL1 30s 30s 30s
FM stiff legged deadlift 30×15 40×15 45×15
DB floor press with kick out 15×15 15×15 15×15
Big ked ball slams 14×15 14×15 14×15
Med ball Russian twist slams 8×30 8×40 8×40
SB single leg glute bridge 10
SB hamstring curls 10
Med ball 4 way crunch 8×15(4)

That ending ab work was WOAH!

Tuesday was St. Patrick’s Day so I wore a green t-shirt that indicates that pickles are cucumbers that are soaked in evil. One of the other trainers took exception to this proclamation and told Tyler he would have to fire me. But Tyler agreed with the t-shirt. Boom!

The rest of the week has seen me get my car washed, take care of the pool, buy a heavy assed tub of chlorine and carry it around, work on the back gate of my yard so Gladys will stop getting out and by work on I mean I put two heavy blocks in the wagon and pulled the wagon around through the alley to the back of the gate, did dishes, did laundry, and then tonight I sat down with my budget and my check register and they are in 100% agreement and OHMYGODSOHAPPY!!!

Also I have worked on planning my family’s visit for this summer and the fun we will have. I am so excited about that and we are all going to have so much fun. I do believe I have fit in almost everything each person wanted to do without too many compromises and that is amazing. I’m impressed with me.

I also did a bit of Googling on the North Kaibab Trail and saw this photo and then cried a wee bit.

Holy shit balls I have to walk on that.

OK, fine. I didn’t actually cry. But I did get super duper dizzy for a bit but then I kept going back to visit it and it got better each time. I can do this. I can totally do this. And I will.

The same blog that I found this photo on has a lot of good photos and the story of the family that did the same trails and campgrounds (for the most part) that me and my friends are going to do! And reading it has made me so excited and is helping me prepare, mentally, for what is to come. Or that’s what I keep telling myself.

In other news I never thought I’d announce, I researched the Whole30 diet plan and I’m going to give that a shot. I’m tired of not losing weight and I’m tired of feeling tired even though I get really good sleep. So, I figure I’ve changed everything else I can change so the only thing left is my food. So, I’m gonna give that a shot. But I’ll start next weekend. All next week is full of activities that involve me being around my favorite foods and I just don’t think it’s a wise decision to start a new diet plan with that knowledge in place. I like myself. I’m not into being mean to me. What I like about this is that it’s thirty days of fairly restrictive eating with a planned out reintroduction of the things you did without during those 30 days. It’s not like committing to being paleo or vegan or anything like that. It’s thirty days of me not eating things I would normally eat to see what happens and then slowly reintroducing stuff in to see what works and what doesn’t. Why not? So, I’ll spend the next week researching and planning and then next weekend, I’ll start. Yep.

This weekend, of course, will consist of me hiking. We are all surprised.