Hey, Stranger!

Over a week has gone by. I’m not even sorry.

Last Tuesday I did this at the gym:

walking lunges 15yds 15yds 15yds Set 2&3 – pulse on squats
Jump squats 10 10 10
Reverse lunges 15yds 15yds 15yds Set 2&3 – pulse on squats
Wall sit 30s 30s 30s
Back extensions 15 15 15
2 way shoulders 5×10/10 5×10/10 5×10/10
Vertical chest press 60×10 60×10 60×10
Dip machine 80×10 80×10 80×10
Lat pull down cybex 40×10 40×10 40×10
Plate bicep curls 25×10 25×10 25×10

I am a PRO at wall sits now. 30 seconds goes by like nothing. I can sit there and talk like it’s the easiest thing in the world. This makes me happy.

The plate bicep curls were the hardest thing I did last Tuesday. Of all of the things that was the hardest. I have no idea why, unless I was just tired by then.

While working out, I asked Tyler if he felt i was ready to hike the canyon. He said yes. Then he also said that anybody could hike it. But I’m at an advantage because I won’t get hurt, etc. I just don’t even know what to do with that. I really don’t. Let’s move on.

Thursday the Star Wars trailer came out. I am a Star Wars fan and I’ve been keeping my expectations for the new movie at the meh level because those prequels were crap. Just pure crap, man. But then that trailer came out. And John Williams music swelled in the background. And there was that amazing panning shot of a downed Star Destoyer. And there was Luke narrarating the thing in a vague manner with dialogue from Return of the Jedi. And there was excitement. And then there was Han and Chewie and I got chills and I smiled and I teared up and just like that my expectation level went through the damn roof.

I looked around to see who I could share my excitement with and there was nobody. Not a soul. And it set off a course of sadness.

I didn’t gym on Thursday because I had a ticket to go to a live Welcome to Night Vale show. And oh my goodness how much fun was that?!?!? But…there was nobody to smile with. To enjoy it with me.

I live a very solitary life. It’s fine. I have friends and family but they’re all over the place and/or their interests are very far removed from my own. So it leads to me being alone a lot. And it just sometimes gets to me. This is one of those times. I wish I had a friend or someone like that nearby to share my joyful experiences with. I had that before and I miss is terribly.

Anyway. I moped about it and even put some sad on my FB and nobody really responded appropriately enough for my fucked up asshole brain and then that made it worse. I cried all of Friday evening. Alone with my dogs.

Saturday I got up and went for a hike with my hiking group. It was a very nice hike. Two really good areas of incline and it got my heart pumping good. It was a new area to me. It was pretty but nothing special. I’d go on that one again. A nice, easy 5ish miles.

I love this shot.

I love this shot.

This is me! I did not take this.

This is me! I did not take this.

Then I went home and napped then got ready to go see Purple Rain in a movie theatre with two of my hiking friends! There’s a local dude that organizes these monthly events where he shows classic movies in local theatres. This was the first one I went to and it was a lot of fun!

I love Prince. I love Purple Rain. But I totally recognize that it is not a good movie. But it’s one of my favorites anyway because of Prince. When I watch it at home, I watch it with the seriousness that tiny man is demanding from the audience with all of his over the top acting and temper tantrums. But in the theatre surrounded by people? There was so much laughter! Prince gets angry about Morris being a fool? Angry stomp and dramatic arm swings! Prince isn’t happy about his Dad slapping his Mom? Dramatic staring into the camera. Prince and Apollonia get it on? Cue all of the laughter!! I proclaimed “These people are making a mockery of his drama!” but I was one of those people, too. And it was fun. I had fun.

Sunday morning I dragged my tired behind out of bed and took the dogs on our Sunday hike. Riley is just not a hiker and he’s pissing me off. Which, really, is likely more to do with my being sleepy and sad. I cried. I found a pocket of space in the group where I was surrounded but alone and I cried. And people saw me jerking Riley by his leash and I generally feel like a jerk about all of that. I need to work with him. He’s not been with me very long. He’s got years of training from another household that I have to overcome and that’s not going to happen in four weeks.

Due to me being so sad my desire for a brownie was at high levels. I wanted it bad. I fixated on how sad I was and how a brownie would just make me feel happy. I can’t get a hug? I can’t share my Star Wars joy with someone in person that gets it? I can’t have someone just be there to pat me on my sad little head? BROWNIES WILL FIX ALL OF THAT!!!

I did not bake brownies. I, instead, went to the stores, cooked food, took a nap, and kept myself busy to try to distract from the fact that I’m a lonely little jerk.

I’m currently on day 24 of the Whole30 and I’ve been compliant every day, other than the getting on the scale. I’ve eaten clean and healthy every day and I enjoy it. I only want a brownie because of the sad. And it only sucks that I can’t eat one because of the sad. The sad makes everything stupid. Especially me.

But I have gymming from yesterday to talk about so let’s get to that, shall we? Yes, we shall.

bosu ball crunch 20 20 20
Bosu ball alt knee to elbow 20 20 20
Bosu ball alt hand to foot 20 20 20
KB single arm front squat 18×10 18×10 26×10
Stepper quick feet 10 10 10
Stepper dynamic step ups 10 10 10
Med ball squat toss 6×15 6×15 6×15
Med ball oblique twist 6×30 6×30 6×30
Med ball walking lung with twist l 6×10 6×10 6×10
Med ball toss 6×10 6×10 6×10

I felt good and strong yesterday. Nothing hurt. Nothing was super hard for me to do. Challenging and new, sure, but not hard. Other than the dizziness that would still arrive. Bah! But other than that? I did all of this without complaint and I am so happy about that.

And now we’ve caught up again.

Cheater

I just went to grab the stats for Thursday and they are not there. The wifi in the gym is messing with my stats, man! So, let’s see if I can put this together through the power of my mind. HAHAHA.

I did get back on the stairmill. The one that went crazy on me had an out of order sign on it. So I got on another one. And I reminded myself that if anything went awry to just stop walking. And it still made me nervous which is the only reason I can come up with for a normal five minutes on the stairmill to make my heart race, my breathing labored, and my legs feel like they are on fire. That all sounds like stress.

I still feel like my body is not as strong as it was. The theory is that it is because my body is learning to pull power and energy from fat instead of sugar and that is an adjustment and to be patient. So, I’ll try. I will try with patience.

So I did some upperbody stuff. I have no idea how much the weight was. But I did that and I laid down on the bench for the bench press and I did leg lifts. I can lift my legs but they are not straight because I do not stretch.

Then we walked over to the other side of the gym for ab work and on the way I made eye contact with a very, very hot trainer that reminds me of someone I enjoyed spending time with and I got all giggley and giddy and weird. When Tyler came back over with the equipment he was all “What happened? Did you trip over your mat?” Because that is a thing I have done and could have done again. I refused to tell him why I was so giggley. But that dude is distractingly hot. Distractingly so.

I did burpees with a wall slam and then more ab work and things weren’t as horrible as they could have been. That was the gym on Thursday.

When I returned home from the gym my RxBars had arrived and I ate one for dinner with a salad. And it was damn tasty. I hope they are all that tasty.

On Friday I made my first trip to Whole Foods and I hope to limit that activity. That stuff is expensive. I shall only go there if I absolutely need something that I cannot find at Sprouts. But I did get delicious Whole30 compliant bacon, herb sausage, and chorizo sausage. I made the bacon Friday night and it was really good. But what I learned from this experience is that I really do not care that much about bacon. Yeah, it’s very good. But I rarely make it at home and that’s usually just because I wanted biscuits and gravy and I MUCH prefer bacon gravy to sausage gravy. When I got out for breakfast and I get the standard eggs and meat and toast? I usually go with sausage. I mostly use bacon on things. So, that’s a thing I now realize.

I went on a good hike on Saturday after three weeks! It wasn’t a hard hike but I totally kept up with the leader and this hike has a lot of UP to it. So that was good. And it was magical with the light and the hot air balloons all around us.

dixie loop-8

I did not take this one. But I am in this one. And it's just beautiful.

I did not take this one. But I am in this one. And it’s just beautiful.

Then I came home and cooked some yum Whole 30 compliant foods, took a short nap, talked to my friend Jeff about our upcoming canyon hike!, and then got ready for a night of rollerskating!

40 somethings totally love to rollerskate!

40 somethings totally love to rollerskate!

I did so much better than the last time I went, which was a few years ago. My working with a trainer and my hiking has improved my strength and balance so that was fun to see. I wasn’t awesome by any means but I definitely felt more confident on the skates once I got on the floor.

Then I went to IHOP and watched people eat cupcakes, ice cream, waffles, and all sorts of good stuff that I cannot have. It was a wee bit sad. Because I’ve got the PMS and I want a fucking cupcake.

I got to bed around midnight and still woke up at 4:15 for the Sunday hike for my wee dogs.

They deserve this weekly outing whether I'm sleepy or not.

They deserve this weekly outing whether I’m sleepy or not.

So all in all this weekend I hiked around 8 miles and roller-skated and stayed Whole 30 compliant!

Except…I got on the scale. Which is not allowed.

I was very, very grumpy because of the lack of sleep and I saw a photo from the rollerskate party that I did not like of myself and it all made me grumpy and then I remembered that I didn’t eat a cupcake so I was very much going to weigh myself just to see that everything I’m doing isn’t changing anything and then I’ll bake some brownies and that will show them all!!

Except…I’ve lost damn near 7 pounds. In 14 Days. Today is Day 14 and I’ve lost damn near 7 pounds just by eating real, whole food. I’m not counting calories. I’m not tracking what I eat. I just eat what meets the criteria when I get hungry and stop eating when I’m full. And I’ve lost damn near 7 pounds.

So, no. I did not bake any brownies and I put the scale back in the closet.

I went to the grocery store, instead, and bought a lot more veggies. I’ve not been incorporating veggies into my meals enough so I’m changing that now.

Apparently another thing I’ve learned is that I am very much an emotional eater of the brownies and that PMS will wake up that urge like a mofo. Beware the PMS mofo!

Today I made that amazing scallops and chorizo recipe I saw on their Instagram and it was SO GOOD! That chorizo sausage is dangerously tasty.

Now I must clean up my kitchen from all of this cooking.

So Many Ouches

So it’s a wild Friday night and I’m updating my blog. With up to dateness. Watch out!

Yesterday was gym day. So, I did my warm ups. And then we did the “Hey, our anniversary was yesterday!” high five. And then? He killed my legs.

So, he puts me on the hip abduction machine thing. It looks like a gyno chair.

Seriously. Would you like to look at my cervix now or later?

I had to push this thing open with my legs and closed, as pictured, with my legs. This shit was hard. I forget which was which but I did three sets of 15 with 30 pounds one way and three sets of 15 with 70, 80, then 90 pounds the other.

In between the gym based leg spreading, I had to sit down then stand up with one leg, balance on that leg, then sit back down. Three sets of 10 sits and stands with each leg.

After that portion we went over and I had to jump up on the low box. Three sets of twenty jumps. I am not a jumping bean, I told him. He informed me that yes I am. So I guess I am.

Then I had to put a band around my ankles and do leg kick backs. Three sets of 20 with each leg. I felt this in my glutes. I suspect that is where I was supposed to feel that.

Then I had to move the band close to my knees and do three sets of 20 jump squats. This made me very dizzy and tired. The whole thing did, really, but it seemed to be really pronounced during this. Likely since I was in more overall motion. Stupid dizzy. But he did point out that doesn’t happen as much as it used to and you know what? He’s totally right.

Then I did three sets of 15 hamstring curls with 30 pounds. It seemed so much easier last night than it ever has! That must mean I’ve actually progressed. Woo!

I also did calf raises on a machine with weight added but I didn’t make note of how much weight and the spreadsheet did not save. I know he filled it out, though. But, again, not saved. Grrrr!

Yesterday and today my arms have just been so sore from what we did on Tuesday. Like, just opening doors hurts. Lifting my arms to put on deodorant hurt. Just a lot of soreness. But that’s good. Sore means I really worked it.

Today my inner thigh area is sore. Likely from the gyno machine.

And that is all I have to report. I took Gladys on a not worth mentioning walk this evening and tomorrow morning I am opting to sleep in and not go hike and I am going on a nice, leisurely, scenic drive with a friend to a local state park I’ve not been to and check out the wildflowers that we hear are already in bloom! I’ve already charged my camera battery.

It’s good to have some downtime. Since I took that one week off from gymming and hiking we realized my knees have been better. Not as many complaints in the gym and they haven’t gotten as tired on the trails. So, yeah. Downtime is good all around!

And in my financial health news I just ended my latest budget period with a surplus. It’s the type of surplus that makes me nervous that I have forgotten to pay something or somebody. I’m not used to having a healthy budget, I guess.

Happy weekend!

No time to waste on coming up with a catchy title!

We have a lot to cover. Let’s go!

Day: Thursday 2/19/2015 Weigh-In: Session Duration:
Exercise Set Reps % 1RM Set 1 Set 2 Set 3
DB Bosu ball chest press 20×10 20×10 20×10
Med ball slams 30×10 30×10 30×6
Step burpie to squat hop 10 10 10
Decline sit ups 10 10 10

I didn’t do a lot this session, as you can see. But he gave me a pass because I did a lot of new stuff.

The bosu ball chest press was new. I had to lay down on the bosu ball while maintaining my balance and doing chest presses. That was OK. For my first time he said I did really well.

The medicine ball slams I seem to recall being weird and convoluted and wore me out. I’m thinking they were the ones where I had to squat down to pick it up then as I stand up I lift it over my head with one arm and then slam it down, alternating arms. And, yeah, that shit wore me out.

After that he took me to the side and I could see him thinking and then he said “Yeah, this…” and I accused him of making it up and he totally admitted that he made it up. I had to straddle the step, then do a burpee, then squat down, then stand and jump fluidly in one motion onto the step, then jump down and then grab the step and do another burpee then repeat. It was a lot. I was tired.

Add in the decline situps that I hate and this session was kinda lame. But he said it wasn’t and that was that.

On February 21st we did a 10.3 mile hike at South Mountain, which is part of the National Trail. My anxiety was high for some reason so I wanted to leave and go home to get some quiet. I was all twitchy and everything just seems so loud and I was like a sponge to other people’s stress and strife. Instead my awesome hiking friends gave me the walkie talkie and let me hike alone for a bit and then I caught up and it was glorious. It really did me a world of good being able to hike alone for a bit.

Hiking alone, leaving my stress in the dust.

Hiking alone, leaving my stress in the dust.

Then on Sunday I did the easy hike with my girl, Gladys. She is such a little hiker! She’s very well behaved, social, and happy. I love it.

Happy hikers.

Happy hikers.

Monday I took her for a wee walk around the neighborhood but it was cut short by my adult responsibilities. Stupid adult responsibilities.

Day: Tuesday 2/24/2015 Weigh-In: Session Duration: 60
Exercise Set Reps % 1RM Set 1 Set 2 Set 3 Set 4
High step ups 10 10 10
Band side steps (green band) 20 / 20 20 / 20 20 / 20
Band front walks (green band) 20 20 20
Band back walks (green band) 20 20 20
TRX single leg lunge with hop 2 10 / 10 10 / 10
SB supinated hamstring curls 2 15 15
SB single leg glute bridge 2 10 / 10 10 / 10

We started this session, as you see, with high step ups. It was high. But after my latest hikes I’m glad we did these!

Then I had to put a band around my ankles and sidle around. It’s harder than it looks.

On the band front walks I kept popping up too high so he told me to pretend I was sneaking up on someone. At one point a hot dude was down at the other end that was my ending spot so we acted like I was sneaking up on him and Tyler laughed because that totally worked and I maintained the proper form better and? Held my hands in the “I’m sneaking up on you” position. I’m a creeper, obviously.

Then I had to do the TRX single leg lunge with a hop! This is where I put one foot in the TRX handle and then lunge forward. But then add in a hop. For some reason I could not do this with my shoes on. So, barefoot TRX lunges it was! And that helped me with my form and balance and everything. I’m odd.

When I did the first single leg glute bridge? I was way too loud because ouch. He stretched out my leg and that was ouch, too. So much ouch.

On Wednesday I took Gladys for a longer, more interesting walk in the neighborhood. One with goats and horses and chickens. She enjoyed it much better. She stopped to look at all of the critters but never tried to chase or bark. She’s a good little thing.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Gladys!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Gladys!

Day: Thursday 2/26/2015 Weigh-In: Session Duration:
Exercise Set Reps % 1RM Set 1 Set 2 Set 3
Hs incline chest press 20×15 20×15 20×15
HS low row 50×15 50×15 50×15
Lat pull down underhand grip 50×15 60×15 60×15
Tricep cable push downs 50×15 50×15 50×15
DB seated shoulder press (no back) 12.5×12 12.5×12 12.5×12
DB standing bicep curls 12.5×12 7.5×12 7.5×12
Rotator cuff work

All I remember about this workout was that the first four exercises he had me do heavier weight than I’ve used and he helped me out a lot. But he said that totally counted. I’m unconvinced.

Then while I was doing the dumbbell presses and curls he noticed my right arm moving in a weird way and determined my rotator cuff needs to be strengthened and gave me more exercise to do at home as I stretch and roll out. Nobody wants me to sit on the couch and have free time anymore. Nobody. Curses!

Then on Saturday I traveled to Oro Valley with some of my hiking friends for the Move Across 2 Ranges event!

Check point one.

Check point one.

The first hike was in the Tortolita Mountains and it was 9.5 miles with 1,975 feet of elevation gain! I got a little far behind my group for a bit because there was a series of switchbacks that scared me. They were steepish and narrow but I managed it just fine. And I just know realized that I managed it just fine by myself! Huh. But they kinda realized that it was an area that likely scared me so they stopped and waited for me to catch up to make sure I was ok. One of them admitted she was glad I didn’t turn around. So, they know.

I took pictures of the scenes from time to time but none of them really capture how beautiful this area is. It was so lovely and awesome and it made me gasp from time to time at how lucky I am to live in such a gorgeous place.

I wish I remembered more details about the first hike. I just remember the scary of going up that one area. The beauty. The making it to the top. The changing of my socks and the wind being so cold. Then coming back down and realizing that, yeah, I just did that and that I was going to go ahead and do the second part, too!

The second part was at Catalina State Park in the Catalina Mountains 5.5 miles, 1,370 feet elevation gain. The miles and the elevation gain were taken from the information the event people gave us when we arrived.

As we’re driving to the second hike location we’re approaching these tall, rocky looking mountains and we keep saying “Um…that’s not what we’re doing, is it?!” And, you know. It was. It really was. So we get there and we start on our way and it’s fine and in a wash and then suddenly we’re climbing up this mountain. I’m doing ok. It’s fine. It’s steep and rocky but fine. Then? Holy shit I see wide open space and I freak the eff on out. From that point forward I was a sweaty, anxiety filled mess that did, in fact, cry for a bit as I continued to walk forward while also, out loud, berating myself for torturing myself this way. “Who does this?!?!” I proclaimed. Cindy says “Mountain goats!” “WELL I’M NOT A MOUNTAIN GOAT!” I answer. All the while continuing to climb and move forward up the mountain. Because I was NOT going to turn around. I was NOT going to give up. I was going to finish this scary as hell to me hike and so I did, dammit.

When we arrived to the checkpoint I got my passport stamped and then I said hi to the others in our group and then I removed myself and cried, sobbed really, for five minutes to release all of that fear and anxiety that needed to get out before I started going back down. And that worked. I was slow going down but I didn’t cry. I didn’t yell and cuss. I did sit down and scoot down a few rocky areas that I didn’t really want to be tall and on my feet for. But I made it. I finished. I did the hike I set out to do and I did it with the help of Cindy and my own force of pure stubborn will. But I did it! WOO!

Afterwards we went to the afterparty and won some prizes and then went to eat Mexican yums.

Once I was home I let Gladys outside to pee, I put Gladys to bed, I took a shower, and I went to bed with wet hair and all and slept the sleep of the very tired.

Sunday we woke up and went on our easy Sunday hike to make sure our bodies stay active.

We like to show off our event t-shirts the next day.

We like to show off our event t-shirts the next day.

This hike is the same hike I did with this group last August for the very first time. Sabrina said I was very cautious on that hike as to how I would place my feet and that I would get a laugh out of that now. And I really did. Because this hike is easy, lame, and ugly. So boring! I’ve come a long way, baby!

Day: Tuesday 3/3/2015 Weigh-In: Session Duration:
Exercise Set Reps % 1RM Set 1 Set 2 Set 3
Assisted pull ups 110×10 130×10 150×10
LF crunch mach 70×20 70×20 70×20
Seated cable underhand row 40×12 40×12 40×12
Tricep cable push downs 50×15 50×15 50×15
HS incline chest press 2 20×12 25×12
Back extensions 3 15 15 15

I had no idea I was still weak from the weekend. None. My warm ups were ok. My body felt fine. Then I got up on the assisted pull up machine and stood on the platform and it went down and then my arms pulled me u..u….u……u…….p and then I lowered again and then I engaged my arms and, yet, there I dangled. It was horrible. I got the giggles and then that just made me weaker. He helped me on the rest of that set and all of the second set. I managed to pull myself up all ten times on the third set. Good lord.

The LF crunch machine just felt all wrong on my lower back and we moved the seat and changed the weight and finally the last set was ok-ish after he dropped it to 50lbs for the last 10.

The seated cable underhand row was ok. As was the tricep cable push down. Until I felt my neck/shoulder area go twinge.

I did the incline chest press and the back extensions ok. It only seemed to twinge when I did everyday motions. Standing up, sitting down, flipping my hair away from my face. So he made me roll it out and that hurt like hell. It’s on the left side. The right side feels fine. The left you can literally see the knot. So now I have to roll that and my right hip and my everything and work my rotator cuff and not just sit and stare at all ever.

Today is the one year anniversary of me working out with Tyler at the gym. It’s been a great year.

One year gymmingversary selfie!

One year gymmingversary selfie!

I’ve not lost weight but I have gained confidence, new abilities, better posture, and better health. All good things. So if I have to continue to know how to dress myself in ways that make me look fabulous while I know what is going on underneath there? So be it. That’s fine. In fact I may even celebrate this momentous occasion by baking brownies.

I am now in the process of scheduling and planning harder hikes between now and the end of May so I can continue training and improving and practicing my skills to prepare for the Canyon. Which is only 88 days away.

Holy shit. That's really soon!

Holy shit. That’s really soon!

I better go get on all of that!

The One Where I Realize I’m A Peninsula

I have a lot of updating to do but tonight is not the night for me to do that. But I don’t like having it hanging over my head, either, so I’m doing a wee tiny post to feel like a bit of that pressure is off. Sure, it’s self imposed pressure, but most of my pressure is.

I did my big event hike over the weekend and all I have to say about that is thank goodness for the help of friends. I do go about my life a lot behaving like I’m this wee island that doesn’t really need to ask people for assistance but…that’s not true. We all need help. I’m very stubborn and independent, however, so I’m ready to admit that I’m a peninsula.

I AM SO SCARED RIGHT NOW!!!

I AM SO SCARED RIGHT NOW!!!

This lady right here is so nice and caring and supportive and awesome. She got me up and over the scariest hike I've ever done. She really did.

This lady right here is so nice and caring and supportive and awesome. She got me up and over the scariest hike I’ve ever done. She really did.

Spring Ahead

My schedule should now be back to normal! That makes me happy. I like my routine. Yes, the break from it here and there is lovely but I’m looking forward to just being on track for a bit.

But first I have a week to recap! Let’s get right to it.

TRX rows
Foam roller
Stationary lunges
Shoulder up & overs
SB hamstring curls
SB knee tucks

Seriously. The WiFi at the gym is fucking with my records. There was nothing saved in regards to sets but it’s fine. There was no weight involved, other than the shoulder up and overs and I’m pretty sure that was with the 12lb bar.

So, first I had to do the TRX rows. Three sets. I think each set was different. But don’t hold me to that. And since I fully admitted to not foam rolling due to illness he made me roll between each set of rows. He told me to roll my hips, quads, hams, calves, and butt. I said “But my butt is fine!” and he said “Roll the butt.” And I was rolling my butt and was feeling nothing and said “See?! There’s nothing in my butt!” and he looked at me and I was all “You know what I mean!” But then he showed me a different way to roll my butt and ouch, yeah, there’s knots in my butt.

Then I had to do stationary lunges. First set was just lunges. Then I had to do two sets of forward and backward lunges. The thighs. They burned.

In between the lunges I did the shoulder up and overs. But he said I had to do the Gandolf with the bar and then I pretended to do the whole YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!! thing and he was all “Yes! Now, twenty times with each arm.” I’m lucky he’s my trainer.

Then the real fun started. He pulls out the Swiss ball and tells me to do the hamstring curls. These I’ve done before. So I start and he’s all “Wait. As you pull your legs in, lift your pelvis up.” and I was all “I thought I was!” and he said I wasn’t and then I did and he said “yes, just like that” and then I started to giggle and said “Oh, shut up Andrea!” and he laughed and walked away.

But then he made me do the knee tucks on this thing. I’d not done this before so for the first set he shows me what do do and he’s understanding of my giggles and rolling off of it. He reminds me to do small corrections when balancing to prevent the rolling and reminds me to keep my core engaged. There is just so much you gotta do and keep in mind. It’s exhausting!

While I’m doing my next set of hamstring curls a hot dude shows up and gets really close to my space and asks if he’s too close to my space and we both tell him no but then I do a comedy routine about him distracting me. That’s how you get a hot dude’s attention at the gym. Self deprecation and sarcasm.

The second set of knee tucks was ugly but I KILLED IT! on my last set. I looked down towards the ball instead of straight at the ground and that seemed to help me with my balance. Boom!

Since I’d been sick and I was a trooper during this set he let me go after 50 minutes. I allowed it.

Wednesday and Thursday I was so sore! I haven’t been sore like that in a bit. But off I went to my Thursday session anyway!

BM incline chest press 40×10 40×10 40×10
HS lat pull down rev grip, 50×20 70×12 70×12
TRX T rows 10 10 10
TRX bicep curls 10 10 10
Roman chair leg raises 10 10 10
Roman chair knee raises 10 10 10

That BM incline chest press continues to be my nemesis. He had to help me on every single one. I hate that.

The only other thing about Thursday I want to discuss is this TRX T row thing he made me do. Holy effing shit. This scared me. I hated it a lot. It’s like doing a trust fall but you have to trust yourself. Thursday I learned I trust myself about as much as I trust all you other people. Which is not really a whole lot! But I did them. It took a lot of nervous giggle time, sweaty palm wiping, and him saying “See? You did it!” while giving me high fives. Not a fan. But that’s ok.

That was Thursday.

Then it was the weekend and I was back to my hiking each day! Yay!

Saturday we went out to Lake Pleasant and did an absolutely gorgeous hike.

It's a lake! And it was, in fact, very pleasant!

It’s a lake! And it was, in fact, very pleasant!

With it being my first hike in three weeks I was glad it was an easy hike. It was about 5.5 miles with little elevation gain. But it was good for getting back out there.

Then this morning this little lady barricaded the door until I admitted to her that she was, in fact, going on the hike with me.

Seriously. I'm Gandalf, bitch. You? Ain't passing.

Seriously. I’m Gandalf, bitch. You? Ain’t passing.

Today was an easy 4 mile hike with a few nice hills to walk up so I loaded all of my camping gear into my big backpack to get used to that. After putting that and my full 3 liters of water I had about 15.2 lbs on my back. It was really not too noticeable until I went to walk up hills. Then I could tell I had an extra 15 pounds on my person.

Don't everybody ask for my number all at once.

Don’t everybody ask for my number all at once.

A very nice man asked if I’d like for him to take our photo and I said YES! and then Gladys wouldn’t look so I was making my kissy noises to get her to look and that is when he took the photo and that is why I look like the coolest. Other than, yeah, I’m just, you know, the coolest.

Gladys did great and I was happy getting another hike in and doing it with my big bag and there were a few times that I had to ask people to excuse me so I could walk around them since I kicked it into high gear. Yay, me!

After this I went to Costco and bought stuff I needed. Which also meant I grabbed a cookbook!

It matches the kitchen counters!

It matches the kitchen counters!

I’ve already picked out a really delicious sounding recipe for pork chops to try out first. I’m gonna branch out and cook good foods. I even bought two sweet potatoes. Now I just, you know, need to cook them. Once I figure out how. Yeah.

And Gladys spent a good part of the day being a tired hiker.

She really is the cutest.

She really is the cutest.

Everything is going pretty well, is what I’m saying. I like that.

Rest Mode

I did not hike today. I wanted to. But my throat was still sore and I was grumpy and Gladys was grumpy and I just felt like I should have one more full day of rest. So, yet another day that I didn’t even leave the house. I haven’t had a weekend like this in forever. But I did just read an article about fitness for hikers and the twelfth step was rest. So, I just did step 12. Boom!

Truth be known? I think I’ve been flirting with depression again. I hate that. But I find myself feeling like I’m unloved, uncared for. That not even the people that should be bound to love and care about me just….don’t. But really all that means is that people just aren’t showing they love or care about me in the ways that I think they should. And that is silly as fuck. So I’m gonna stop that.

Another thing I’ve been grappling with is a conversation I had with a couple at the PGA fun times that really just got into my head and pulled out all of my negative self thoughts.

Basically this couple met on Match and I said “Oh, how nice! I didn’t have much luck there in the past when I tried.” That prompted the man portion of this couple to look at me and say “Well, you know…you’re not an unpretty person…” and I was all “Umm…that doesn’t exactly mean I’m an attractive person!” and it really hit me wrong. And then he got his lady portion involved and she explained that I have a nice smile. I’m cute. I have the cleavage. But that Match really is a visual forum and maybe I’d have better luck on eHarmony. And I said something and my Dad hears everything because he’s Dad and he leans over and says “I’m her Dad and I’m hear to look after her…” or something like that.

Basically my Dad had to intervene to make the people stop telling me that I’m ugly. That? Felt super duper.

So on top of not feeling loved or cared for I get to grapple with my crazy self esteem in regards to my appearance. Which is not great. And it makes me wonder if certain people would still be in my life if I was prettier and blah blah blah stupid stuff.

So, here’s a picture I took of myself and it is 100% not edited other than to crop out unnecessary items in the background. My tendency is to edit it, make me look prettier, all of that. But nope. I will not give in to that. Well, not here, anyway. I did that for Instagram and Facebook. But this forum is about me being healthy. So this is me trying to be healthy, emotionally.

My Dad will tell you to back off if you say mean things to me.

My Dad will tell you to back off if you say mean things to me.

I hate all of the work it takes for me to sometimes just be ok with me. I hate caring what strangers think of my appearance. I hate that I work so hard to get people to like me. I’m too sensitive. I’m too apologetic about who I am.

Hopefully this weekend of rest will have done the trick and I can get back on my regular routine that includes happy endorphins. I guess I really do need those.