So, it’s spring. Which is good. Except I’m in Arizona and we don’t see much difference outside of some flowers and cactus and other plants in bloom. But the weather is about the same and we get sort of rude about how lovely the weather is in regards to it snowing its ass off on the East coast. We’re the worst.

I did not make it to the gym again last week and I will not make it this week. Last week I was far too sore, I was giving rides to and fro work to a coworker friend with car issues, and I just plain ran out of time and steam. This week I am way involved in a spring cleaning project I started over the weekend and have plans in the evenings and wow, when did I get so busy?

So, the spring cleaning. It was totally brought on by an impending visit by a friend. However, I’ve had friends come to visit and all I did was a regular cleaning and life was fine. So it’s not totally due to her and her fam. I just, somehow, when I started doing the usual cleaning got all deep with it. And it’s a mess. Because I’m sort of kind of a low level hoarder. I have to accept this now. It’s fine. I’m cleaning rooms and closets and dumping shit into the office room off of my bedroom for the final push of de-hoarding and it’ll all be grand!

Right now, minus the closet, my computer room is done and it’s looks awesome. I decluttered the bookshelf, I am utilizing one of the built in wall shelves, my computer desk is, mostly, cleared off but I still have to do finances so I can only clear off so much at the moment, and my file cabinet does not have a large stack of paper waiting to be filed. Did I file it, you ask? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You are so funny. No. I found a box and put it all in a box and that box is now in the previously mentioned dumping room. Oops. It’s fine. Also, the closet in that room isn’t too bad. I just have to pull out old computer equipment and dump it into the dumping ground to be added to the yard sale stacks. So I’m calling this room done.

The guest room is the same. All clean and good except for the closet. This closet holds all of my old props from my self portrait fun times. That ended 10 years ago. These should be dumped into the dumping ground and they will as soon as I’m done with the other cleaning what the eye can actually see stuff. So this room is considered done, too.

I’ve made a list of the rooms and the things that need to be done this morning and it made it all seem so much less over-whelming. Even though the list is longer than I thought it would be. It won’t be over-whelming, really, until I go to tackle the dumping ground. But then? My life should be de-cluttered and then I should only have to do the regular cleaning that other people do in their lives. Whew!

This morning I finished dusting the dining room and I’ll just do one final vacuum in there when I do the final vacuum of the whole front area of the house. The living room, kitchen, dining room areas.

All that leaves is the kitchen, the living room, and the hallway bathroom. My bedroom and the dumping ground will be tackled last and not at all before this weekend because whoa!

I’m also re-cleaning my diet but that’s gonna be blown this weekend and you know what? I care not. I’m happy and so there.

I hiked Saturday, I got almost all of my steps in Sunday and Monday, and I’m doing all sorts of moving and lifting at the house so I’m not worried too much about my activity level.

And that, my friends, is where we are today.


Square One-ish

Today is official weigh-in day. I am still, somehow, in first place out of the two of us BUT I went up and now I’m only down a total of 0.1. HAHAHAHAHA!

My carb and sugar fest has caught up with me and I totally know what I need to do to move forward and I shall. This is not a problem.

I am SO SORE. Sitting down hurts. Especially when having to sit down to pee. Toilets are so low, you guys. Ouch. But I packed my gym bag and gymming will happen again today. I may just, you know, not work my legs so I can hike Saturday morning as planned.

In other news, remember when I said I used a new product on my face and dried it the fuck out and I was so sad? Well, I did some research into the two products that I used and discovered other people had the same issue with the moisturizer, so I stopped using it. It was CeraVe AM Facial Moisturizer with 30 SPF. My usual facial moisturizer only has 15 SPF so I was trying to give my face more protection but by doing so I dried it way out after only two uses! So, no more of that. And my face has finally returned to it’s soft and smooth self. I also added Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water to my routine and holy fuck is that shit magical. I feel like my face is even softer and smoother and looks more even and glowy. But that could just be all in my head. Which is fine. If I think I look better it helps with my confidence and that reflects in my posture and my face and my all of it so I likely wind up actually looking better. It’s a win! I will say that all of my fine lines are still there and that’s fine. I don’t believe that any products can actually get rid of them and they are all selling you a lie. That’s what I think. I think you can look brighter and shinier and happier using some of these products but none of them are gonna do magic, you know? Let’s just all get happy with aging, ok? Stop calling them crows feet…that’s an ugly term and of course you’re gonna hate it. They are laugh/smile lines! That’s how they form! That’s years and years of laughter and smiling on my face!

I also finally cut my hair and it looks SO MUCH BETTER. Which is, I believe, also helping my face. My hair is healthier and softer and not so scraggly and it’s all better. Yay, haircut!

To recap, the carb and sugar bonanza is gonna end and my evening walks are going to get back to the serious phase and away from the “some walk is better than no walk!” slack fest.

And that’s the news as I know it.

I Need a Foam Finger

I’m still #1 in the weight loss challenge. I went down just a weeeee bit this past week to put me at 3.2 total pounds lost. I’m surprised, to be honest. I’ve been on a carb-fest and not doing my evening walks and my period should arrive at crap o’clock tomorrow so I’m likely even bloated sooooo, it’s possible once that is all gone and I don’t go full bore nuts with eating I’ll see a nice drop next week! Yay! And if I maintain this rate I should, hopefully, get to 11 pounds lost by the end. I can do this!

So, as I mentioned I’ve not been doing my evening walks. But I’ve also not just been going home and plopping on the couch, either. I’ve run some errands, straightened up piles in the house, cooked, and cleaned the kitchen a bit and that’s not really allowed for much more than, maybe, an hour of sitting in the evening. Which is great. But it doesn’t get me to my 10k steps goal, either.

Yesterday I had reached peak irritation and it’s amazing to me how my boyfriend and my friend, Randi, just know me so well, you guys. Usually my boyfriend knows just in how I answer the phone that something is wrong and Randi just picks up tone in my IMs! It’s amazing. So, she picked up my mood and then allowed me to unload on her for an hour and then I felt better and then I realized last night “Yes, this thing is bothering me for sure but….PMS enhanced it.”  PMS is a bad mood enhancer, you guys. Then I open Facebook this morning and see a Woman’s Day post that just feels like a nice “fuck you” to me and I want to lash out but I will not. It is not about me. It is about the person that wrote it and I can rise above.

I sure do get tired of rising above, though.

Saturday was the charity hike and it was the longest hike I’ve done since being sick and I did great without any training and that made me feel good. Like, I can tell I’m not in peak shape but I’m no where near ground zero shape, either, Woo! I now have a really big hike planned for May and I’m looking forward to that and I need to get in shape for it. A goal!! A GOAL!!

During the hike, however, I found myself a bit back from my friends and it was nice and quiet and I was just taking in my surroundings and I suddenly felt this calmness take over my body. Like, I literally felt it flow down from my head to my toes. Calm and happiness. It’s like a nice warm feeling, cozy and relaxing. In that moment I knew without question how great my life is and how happy I am. Everything is not perfect, of course, but my life is rad anyway. I have friends that love me and are just amazing and supportive. I have a great boyfriend that does all of these tiny, quiet little things to show me love. My Mom and Dad are supportive of me to the end. I’m in the right place, right state. I have hiking. I have my life and I love it.

My food this week, for those that want to know:

Breakfast has been egg muffins with roasted red peppers and chorizo with a bit of creme fraiche. DELICIOUS! Also my usual one cup of coffee with the Natural Bliss creamer.

Lunch has been fried chicken meatballs (paleo) and a bit of pesto orzo. I’m on a pesto kick. I want to pesto all the things.

Dinner Monday was a bit of steak as I cooked and a few meatballs to make sure they tasted ok. Dinner Tuesday was, not proudly but deliciously, a large bowl of Breyer’s Reese’s ice cream and a quarter of a steak. Dinner last night was creamy cajun pasta with Andouille sausage. It must have been real good because the boyfriend had three servings! I know I sure liked it.

Over the weekend I used my hike as an excuse to eat a corn dog AND a hot dog on Saturday and then I had crab alfredo on Sunday so, yeah, being down in weight is amazing. But I’m keeping my lunch time walks going so I’m sure that helps as does the not sitting all evening despite not walking.

I’m doing the right things, I know it. I feel good about it. I just need to get back out there in the evenings and walk it off. It’ll help the mood and help the scale and help with my training for the big hike!

This weekend I have a Blue Apron box coming so that will be lunches and dinners for next week. One has pasta. It’s fine.

On an unrelated to diet and hiking and me note….I have to take my wee girl dog that I love too much to an ophthalmologist this weekend to find out what the cloudy areas on her eyes are and what the future may hold for her. Going blind is not the worst thing in the world, of course, but she is my little hiker and I love seeing her stand on large rocks to survey her desert kingdom and it’ll be sad if she loses that. So, good thoughts for us that it’s something we can slow the progression of, or isn’t a big deal at all and only requires drops, or is just nothing but little clouds and nothing to worry about or put drops on. Please and thank you and fuzzy kisses from my girl kid.

hello tacos, my old friend

I didn’t realize until I was in the middle of eating them but I’d not rushed right out as soon as I realized I could eat normally again to gorge on real tacos. That was fixed yesterday and I had delicious tacos and it was so good and I am so happy and it was just perfect.

This whole weekend was perfect, really.

It was, like, the first back to my actual, normal life feeling weekend in forever. And nothing really exciting happened. It was just me and my boyfriend hanging out, making each other laugh, doing boyfriend/girlfriend things, running errands, eating, and watching our little dogs be dogs. And I loved every damn minute of it and I’m just so happy.

I started my period yesterday and I bloat like a beast and I feel like I’ve not really cared about how much or what I’ve been eating so I was scared when I got on the scale this morning. For no reason. Because while I’ve not lost, I’ve not gained, either. I’m exactly where I was on weigh in Thursday! Woo!

That caused me to reflect and while I did eat like a person not on a diet I also didn’t really eat as much as I felt I had and I still did a lot of moving around so I’m on the right track. Yay!

I saw a photo of a hippie lady doing yoga with her kids while she’s freely bleeding from her vagina and to this I say “no, lady, you’re doing this wrong.” I agree that our periods need to be less of a secret and I applaud the commercials that are making it more normal for teens and women to be seen handing each other tampons and pads out in the open instead of under the cover of night but we don’t need to go overboard and bleed on our kids. For fuck’s sake, you guys, stop ruining everything by being so goddamned extreme.

I’m now 60% through “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” and I’m even more convinced that everyone needs to listen to/read this book. Now, it does sort of ignore some socioeconomic aspects of lives that can/will make it harder for some people to get to a place of being able to own their choices and accept that we are all 100% responsible for our choices and ourselves. He mentions therapy and not everyone can afford therapy in order to get to that place and I get that. But this book is still really good and highlighting what I’ve tried to get some other people to understand, which is “Yeah, people suck and it’s their fault that they’ve treated you like shit but they are not responsible for you feeling like shit. You’re making choices to keep yourself focused on that and making choices to not make yourself a bit more happy.” YOU are responsible for YOU. I know far too many people that don’t understand this and they place their happiness on the backs of everyone around them. They’ll never be happy until they understand they are the one in the charge.

Again, that is not to say that I think I’m some perfect example of how to be. I have many, many flaws that I am aware of and, likely, a few that I’m not. But I’m trying to work on them and when I fuck up I apologize. But I accepted about 10-ish years ago that I am the only one responsible for me and my life and my joy and since then my life has just grown and flourished. I’ve stumbled a long the way and I even put the blame on another person. But as soon as I took it off of them and back on me? Happy returned even stronger! So, again, I’m not perfect but I am in charge of me.

I hope everyone had a good weekend and is starting the week off well.


It’s so amazing and fascinating to me to be on the other side of strife and realize how it just didn’t really last that long while, also, remembering that while I was going through it I felt like it was forever and what the rest of my life would probably be.

Eight weeks ago yesterday I had my surgery. At this point in time my incisions are mostly healed, I have no muscle pains, I’m sleeping in whatever position I want, I’m walking at my normal pace, I’m able to drink almost my normal amount of water each day, I can swallow normally, and everything is mostly just back to how it was at the beginning of last year.

I remember sleeping on the couch and wondering how long that would be for. I remember finally being back in my bed but not being able to sleep on my sides. I remember finally being able to sleep on my right side but not my left. I remember all of the random aches and pains and me wondering if they’d ever go away. I remember thinking my life would never be back to normal.

And here we are, eight short weeks later. Life is funny that way. Or else I’m just dramatic. One of those.

Today was the weigh in for the office weight loss challenge. I have two months to lose 10 pounds. I’m currently still 7 lbs lighter than I was at the beginning of 2017 so that’s good! I know I won’t make much progress this weekend with my Dad being here and not having easy access during the day to good choices but I’m going to do my best and then on Monday IT IS ON!

I’m also doing a daily push ups challenge each day in February to see how much I improve by doing them each day. I’m gonna take a before and after pic, too, to see if there’s any sort of physical change. I’m gonna be a beast.

I have met my 10k steps goal each day this week so far! Woo!

In other words, I need to stop waiting for my life to be back to normal because I get to say what is normal and, apparently, it’s already that.

Yay, normal!


I’m going to participate in another weight loss challenge at work! This is the kick in the ass I need to get my shit straight. It’s just three of us and the goal will be to lose 10 pounds and we’ll have 2 months to do so. I feel good about this! Yay!

Have I mentioned I have tinnitus? Because I do. I have no idea when it started or when I noticed it, I just know it’s here. And sometimes it’s so bad that it nauseates me. Luckily that’s not very often. But the main thing is that I no longer ever have total silence. Ever ever ever. I used to love to just sit in a silent house, with my dogs at my side, a nice warm cup of tea, and just be. I don’t get to do that any more because now there is constant noise in my ears. Forever. Since, generally, tinnitus doesn’t go away. sarcastic Yay!

I already filed my taxes and thanks to fully funding my HSA last year with post-tax dollars and all of the medical bills I get nice refunds from state and federal and yay for that!

I bought a new phone. A Google Pixel 2 and I absolutely love it thus far even though I’ve not got it all set up quite the way I like it all to be. And I did something really dumb and lost my podcasts and now I can’t remember what I was following and if I can’t remember I must not have really cared about them so I need to let that go, right? Right. The good thing is that buying it directly from Google you get 2 years to pay for it, interest free! I am the BOSS! of interest free payments, y’all. It’s like layaway, except I get the merchandise NOW. I dig it.

So, now I have to pay off my interest free balances and then, fingers firmly crossed, start building up a savings. I have the great credit. I have the mostly debt free balances. I have no savings. This is my goal for the year. Get some savings. Rinse repeat for next year.

I hiked yesterday with my dogs and that was swell.

This week is super busy and I’m already tired and that does not bode well. I have a late basketball game on Wednesday and then my Dad arrives for our annual PGA event fun time and that wears me out more each year. Funny how that works. That age bullshit. But it’s all fun and it’s one week a year and I’ll rest next week!

A woman I hike with is constantly telling me how fortunate I am. She envies the relationship I have with my boyfriend so she usually is referring to that when she says it. But when I step back and look at my life as a whole? I am very fortunate. I just like being able to acknowledge that and, therefore, appreciate it.

I appreciate you, my life. You’re pretty nice.

And Knitting And Knitting Aaand Knitting

I never made it to the doc to look at the gaping hole because it wound up covering up on its own once I let it breathe and now it looks so much better. Yay!

All of the muscle pain on the left side is gone now! Yay!

The bloating and uncomfortableness seems to already be resolving itself. Now I just get a bit of pressure in my chest and a feeling in my throat of there being a gas bubble and I’m still not quite able to burp but it resolves much quicker than it had been. Without any Gax X so I never even took an entire package! Yay!

I stopped my Prilosec on Sunday so cross your fingers that no heartburn or reflux like symptoms appear. Please and thank you.

So, it appears my recovery is going well and all I had to do was calm down, be patient, and listen to the nurse in the family that kept telling me 6 to 8 weeks. Tomorrow is 6 weeks.

Sunday I did a wee bit of meal prep and then last night I spent time clearing out stacks of paper, scanning in items for my photobooks, and generally being productive and I just felt good after doing so. So, yeah, I’m baby stepping in all the right directions!

There’s this snark site that snarks on bloggers and Instagrammers and I’ve read the forums of just two of the bloggers or Instagrammers they feature for a while. The Instagrammer is this girl that is a fucking nightmare of a person and she goes on these days/weeks long rants in her InstaStories and I used to watch them in horror and wonder what the hell is wrong with this girl then go to the snark forum to read other’s reactions. Well, I stopped with all of that. This girl is a mess and the forum is a mess and I just cannot be part of that any more. She’s insane and I don’t need to invite that into my life.

More baby steps!

Basically I just want to get back to the confident, truly happy version of me. These health issues did a number on me. Likely because I was still reeling from the election and the whole mess that’s happened since he took office and how I feel watching all of the hate and negativity and backwards “progress” being made. It’s hard. So, it was nice this last Saturday to watch the David Letterman interview with Obama on Netflix and then attend a Pete Souza event and be reminded of what a good hearted leader is. You don’t have to agree with all of Obama’s policies, I sure didn’t, but you need to be honest with yourself if you find him to be just a monster of a person. You dislike him for reasons that are within yourself and not him. Because anybody that lights up around children that way is not a monster. Anybody that lights up as he discusses the innate goodness of the American people is not a monster. You cannot fake that light in your eyes. The man cares, very deeply, about the world around him and making it better for those that inhabit it. If you don’t see that, you’re blinded by reasons I won’t point out but you do need to do some reflection.

So many baby steps over here. Because I finally realized that you climb a mountain by taking a step. Then another. And another. And eventually, you’re at the top.