The One Where I Say Good-bye to Health Woes

The last time I wrote, I’d just found out that my breast lump was just a cyst. AMEN TO THAT.

Since then, I went and hiked the tallest mountain I’d hiked yet. It wasn’t a hard trail, but the altitude and the things it does to my body made it hard. I get altitude sickness. Because of course I fucking do. I get every other weird assed ailment possible so why not this one, too? I don’t know what to do about it. I do know that I need to find a way to force myself to drink more water as I hike up the mountain, despite my feeling that I’m doing a good job of drinking water I am not. I need to snack more as I go up. Stopping at the saddle, just 500 feet short of the summit, did me in. If I’d just kept hiking I would have made it to the top. But stopping and letting it all catch up with me caused extreme dizziness and nausea to hit. I didn’t want to lose my balance on the last bit of up that was steeper and I didn’t want to push the nausea as I’m not supposed to throw up after my surgery. So….great.

The hike was lovely and now that I’m over a week removed from it I’m super glad I did it but at the time I was just mad. I felt like shit and my body hurt and I felt like I had no business doing it and even said “Why did I think I could do this?!” and everyone looked at me and said “Well…you did do it sooooo….what’s the issue?” I hate it when everyone just doesn’t let me be illogical and unreasonable. It’s so rude.

I was afraid to eat once we got to the post hike grub but a cheeseburger was exactly what my body needed and I inhaled that thing and then felt so much better. Behold the power of the cheeseburger!

And I’ve not done much in the way of activity since. I did some hallway walks. I did the gym once. But I’m committing to doing both of those much more often. The heat is getting higher here so I doubt I’ll be doing neighborhood walks for a bit but I can swim laps in the pool and do things like that in between hikes and gym.

On Friday I had the cyst aspirated. They did it with an ultrasound so they could ensure they got all the fluid out and let me tell you that was pretty dang cool to watch. I saw the needle go in to numb my breast and the cyst, which was the most painful part. And it made me queasy. Likely since I was watching it and feeling it. But then watching the needle go in and start to drain the cyst, seeing the cyst start to shrink smaller and smaller until it just no longer existed was awesome.  The bonus is that the fluid that was in the cyst didn’t have any blood in it, they even showed me that and it was awesome and gross. Like, that just came out of my breast!! But the lack of any blood meant that it was simply a cyst and no more testing or concern was involved. They just tossed it into the trash and that was that.

Later that night, though, my boob hurt like hell. It was tender and uncomfortable. I wasn’t anticipating that. But it recovered. It still has a bruise but it’s not sore anymore.

And with that, my current state of health is HEALTHY AND GOOD AMEN.

Tonight I am doing meal prep for the week and getting back on that train. I will lost 15 pounds and that is final. I’m making some nicely seasoned chicken breasts, some sauteed red peppers and zucchini, oven roasting some brussels sprouts with red onion and bacon, cleaning and cutting up some fruit for snacks, and making my bacon fat deviled eggs to breakfast. Solid plan. Solid menu. I’m a fan.

I also have become obsessed with Hippeas snacks. I like to feel like I’m snacking so it makes my heart happy to still have that while knowing that my snack is healthy. It’s a win win!! Woo!

My boyfriend has started eating less and running more, as if he needs to. But he’s doing it for me. So I’m not in this alone. And I love him for that and that’s gonna motivate me to really be actually motivated this time. Because dammit, I need to be motivated this time!

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I’m Kool & The Gang

Because I’m celebrating that my breast lump was only a cyst. ONLY A CYST!!! It’s a rather large cyst. Like, sneaking a peek at the mammogram while the tech was out of the room without knowing what it was yet was jarring. Then seeing that big black area on the ultrasound was jarring. I made jokes and laughed but inside I was terrified. But the doctor came in and showed me all of it and talked me through it and explained that it’s just a cyst. I have a smaller one, too. So two cysts in one boobs, none in the other. I need to get it aspirated, however, since you cannot see through it to make sure nothing else is hiding back there. But overall I am full of relief and I can feel myself relaxing.

During the mammogram, they move you around into position and all that jazz. So, I’m all tense and she has to keep reminding me to drop/relax my shoulder. She’s trying to move me and get me to relax and several times she’d say “Wow, you are really strong. ” So I must have been an immovable force. Then, at one point, she’s trying to move me and she said “You really are strong. Are you a trainer or something?” and I got all proud on the inside and just said “Well, I hike a lot…” I don’t know if my stress was making me “strong” or whatever but I just do not feel like I’m that swole or whatever. But it sure did make me feel proud.

I’m using this new month to refocus and remotivate and I’m going to the gym tomorrow and then every Tuesday and Thursday like I used to with my trainer and I had to tell a coworker friend that I can no longer provide her a ride on those days and that will help me stick to my goal because if not, I’m just the jerk that isn’t helping her out when I totally could.

I bought a planner and I started using it this morning to fill in my goals, my tasks, my progress and all of that to keep me on track. I’m gonna do this! I have before and I will again. Boom!

I”m gonna do meal planning and meal prep and all of the things. Watch out!

But in the meantime, I have celebratory Oreos. Oops.

 

Sproing!

So, it’s spring. Which is good. Except I’m in Arizona and we don’t see much difference outside of some flowers and cactus and other plants in bloom. But the weather is about the same and we get sort of rude about how lovely the weather is in regards to it snowing its ass off on the East coast. We’re the worst.

I did not make it to the gym again last week and I will not make it this week. Last week I was far too sore, I was giving rides to and fro work to a coworker friend with car issues, and I just plain ran out of time and steam. This week I am way involved in a spring cleaning project I started over the weekend and have plans in the evenings and wow, when did I get so busy?

So, the spring cleaning. It was totally brought on by an impending visit by a friend. However, I’ve had friends come to visit and all I did was a regular cleaning and life was fine. So it’s not totally due to her and her fam. I just, somehow, when I started doing the usual cleaning got all deep with it. And it’s a mess. Because I’m sort of kind of a low level hoarder. I have to accept this now. It’s fine. I’m cleaning rooms and closets and dumping shit into the office room off of my bedroom for the final push of de-hoarding and it’ll all be grand!

Right now, minus the closet, my computer room is done and it’s looks awesome. I decluttered the bookshelf, I am utilizing one of the built in wall shelves, my computer desk is, mostly, cleared off but I still have to do finances so I can only clear off so much at the moment, and my file cabinet does not have a large stack of paper waiting to be filed. Did I file it, you ask? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You are so funny. No. I found a box and put it all in a box and that box is now in the previously mentioned dumping room. Oops. It’s fine. Also, the closet in that room isn’t too bad. I just have to pull out old computer equipment and dump it into the dumping ground to be added to the yard sale stacks. So I’m calling this room done.

The guest room is the same. All clean and good except for the closet. This closet holds all of my old props from my self portrait fun times. That ended 10 years ago. These should be dumped into the dumping ground and they will as soon as I’m done with the other cleaning what the eye can actually see stuff. So this room is considered done, too.

I’ve made a list of the rooms and the things that need to be done this morning and it made it all seem so much less over-whelming. Even though the list is longer than I thought it would be. It won’t be over-whelming, really, until I go to tackle the dumping ground. But then? My life should be de-cluttered and then I should only have to do the regular cleaning that other people do in their lives. Whew!

This morning I finished dusting the dining room and I’ll just do one final vacuum in there when I do the final vacuum of the whole front area of the house. The living room, kitchen, dining room areas.

All that leaves is the kitchen, the living room, and the hallway bathroom. My bedroom and the dumping ground will be tackled last and not at all before this weekend because whoa!

I’m also re-cleaning my diet but that’s gonna be blown this weekend and you know what? I care not. I’m happy and so there.

I hiked Saturday, I got almost all of my steps in Sunday and Monday, and I’m doing all sorts of moving and lifting at the house so I’m not worried too much about my activity level.

And that, my friends, is where we are today.

Square One-ish

Today is official weigh-in day. I am still, somehow, in first place out of the two of us BUT I went up and now I’m only down a total of 0.1. HAHAHAHAHA!

My carb and sugar fest has caught up with me and I totally know what I need to do to move forward and I shall. This is not a problem.

I am SO SORE. Sitting down hurts. Especially when having to sit down to pee. Toilets are so low, you guys. Ouch. But I packed my gym bag and gymming will happen again today. I may just, you know, not work my legs so I can hike Saturday morning as planned.

In other news, remember when I said I used a new product on my face and dried it the fuck out and I was so sad? Well, I did some research into the two products that I used and discovered other people had the same issue with the moisturizer, so I stopped using it. It was CeraVe AM Facial Moisturizer with 30 SPF. My usual facial moisturizer only has 15 SPF so I was trying to give my face more protection but by doing so I dried it way out after only two uses! So, no more of that. And my face has finally returned to it’s soft and smooth self. I also added Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water to my routine and holy fuck is that shit magical. I feel like my face is even softer and smoother and looks more even and glowy. But that could just be all in my head. Which is fine. If I think I look better it helps with my confidence and that reflects in my posture and my face and my all of it so I likely wind up actually looking better. It’s a win! I will say that all of my fine lines are still there and that’s fine. I don’t believe that any products can actually get rid of them and they are all selling you a lie. That’s what I think. I think you can look brighter and shinier and happier using some of these products but none of them are gonna do magic, you know? Let’s just all get happy with aging, ok? Stop calling them crows feet…that’s an ugly term and of course you’re gonna hate it. They are laugh/smile lines! That’s how they form! That’s years and years of laughter and smiling on my face!

I also finally cut my hair and it looks SO MUCH BETTER. Which is, I believe, also helping my face. My hair is healthier and softer and not so scraggly and it’s all better. Yay, haircut!

To recap, the carb and sugar bonanza is gonna end and my evening walks are going to get back to the serious phase and away from the “some walk is better than no walk!” slack fest.

And that’s the news as I know it.

Hurts So Good

Yesterday morning I packed my gym bag. Then I actually went to the gym after work. I made a plan and I stuck to it!

However, I had no plan once I was actually there. I had no idea what to do. Turns out, it didn’t matter. My former trainer saw me walk in and he came over immediately and gave me a hug and offered to write up a plan of action and text it to me so I would use my time well. He’s so awesome and it was just great seeing him and being welcomed that way. It immediately made me feel super from the inside out.

So, I got the plan, I asked him to come over and let me talk through it to him to make sure I remembered what it all was, catch up with him, and generally alleviate my anxiety before I embarked on this solo gym session.

I was nervous that I wouldn’t be strong enough to do some of the stuff after being out of the gym for so damn long. Turns out I had no need. There was only one thing I had to back down on the weight but I am nowhere near back to ground zero in my fitness and I, truly, felt like a badass being there and just being able to get back into it that way.

I left the gym smiling, happy, and feeling just empowered and great. I love that feeling.

Today I am sore, though. In places that haven’t been sore in so long! It’s awesome!!

Tomorrow is the weigh in and my weight is NOT going to be down. It’s up. And you know what? That’s fine. My main goal in this weight loss challenge was putting myself back in my routine and getting myself motivated to get all of my routines back in place and that’s happening. The weight will come off and it’s fine. I’m not a disordered eater and I don’t hate myself or my body. The opposite is true, actually. I am so happy and I love my life and myself and my body and therefore I want it to be healthy so it can carry me through my happy life for a long time to come. It’s possible to love and accept yourself while, also, making improvements.

Man! The gym! Tyler, my former trainer! He’s awesome. It was, just, really really awesome to see him and catch up and, really, to get that “you can do this, you silly ass” from him. Because I can! I did. I will!

I will!

 

Perspectives

It’s so amazing and fascinating to me to be on the other side of strife and realize how it just didn’t really last that long while, also, remembering that while I was going through it I felt like it was forever and what the rest of my life would probably be.

Eight weeks ago yesterday I had my surgery. At this point in time my incisions are mostly healed, I have no muscle pains, I’m sleeping in whatever position I want, I’m walking at my normal pace, I’m able to drink almost my normal amount of water each day, I can swallow normally, and everything is mostly just back to how it was at the beginning of last year.

I remember sleeping on the couch and wondering how long that would be for. I remember finally being back in my bed but not being able to sleep on my sides. I remember finally being able to sleep on my right side but not my left. I remember all of the random aches and pains and me wondering if they’d ever go away. I remember thinking my life would never be back to normal.

And here we are, eight short weeks later. Life is funny that way. Or else I’m just dramatic. One of those.

Today was the weigh in for the office weight loss challenge. I have two months to lose 10 pounds. I’m currently still 7 lbs lighter than I was at the beginning of 2017 so that’s good! I know I won’t make much progress this weekend with my Dad being here and not having easy access during the day to good choices but I’m going to do my best and then on Monday IT IS ON!

I’m also doing a daily push ups challenge each day in February to see how much I improve by doing them each day. I’m gonna take a before and after pic, too, to see if there’s any sort of physical change. I’m gonna be a beast.

I have met my 10k steps goal each day this week so far! Woo!

In other words, I need to stop waiting for my life to be back to normal because I get to say what is normal and, apparently, it’s already that.

Yay, normal!

Challenges

I’m going to participate in another weight loss challenge at work! This is the kick in the ass I need to get my shit straight. It’s just three of us and the goal will be to lose 10 pounds and we’ll have 2 months to do so. I feel good about this! Yay!

Have I mentioned I have tinnitus? Because I do. I have no idea when it started or when I noticed it, I just know it’s here. And sometimes it’s so bad that it nauseates me. Luckily that’s not very often. But the main thing is that I no longer ever have total silence. Ever ever ever. I used to love to just sit in a silent house, with my dogs at my side, a nice warm cup of tea, and just be. I don’t get to do that any more because now there is constant noise in my ears. Forever. Since, generally, tinnitus doesn’t go away. sarcastic Yay!

I already filed my taxes and thanks to fully funding my HSA last year with post-tax dollars and all of the medical bills I get nice refunds from state and federal and yay for that!

I bought a new phone. A Google Pixel 2 and I absolutely love it thus far even though I’ve not got it all set up quite the way I like it all to be. And I did something really dumb and lost my podcasts and now I can’t remember what I was following and if I can’t remember I must not have really cared about them so I need to let that go, right? Right. The good thing is that buying it directly from Google you get 2 years to pay for it, interest free! I am the BOSS! of interest free payments, y’all. It’s like layaway, except I get the merchandise NOW. I dig it.

So, now I have to pay off my interest free balances and then, fingers firmly crossed, start building up a savings. I have the great credit. I have the mostly debt free balances. I have no savings. This is my goal for the year. Get some savings. Rinse repeat for next year.

I hiked yesterday with my dogs and that was swell.

This week is super busy and I’m already tired and that does not bode well. I have a late basketball game on Wednesday and then my Dad arrives for our annual PGA event fun time and that wears me out more each year. Funny how that works. That age bullshit. But it’s all fun and it’s one week a year and I’ll rest next week!

A woman I hike with is constantly telling me how fortunate I am. She envies the relationship I have with my boyfriend so she usually is referring to that when she says it. But when I step back and look at my life as a whole? I am very fortunate. I just like being able to acknowledge that and, therefore, appreciate it.

I appreciate you, my life. You’re pretty nice.