Saturday morning my boyfriend and I went out to have breakfast together. I had pancakes. It went well. So, now I sort of want to go out to eat all of the time and just have pancakes.

Sunday morning we took all of our dogs on a short hike to see how his would do. Which they did great, we just need to get an earlier start so they don’t overheat. Especially the older little guy.

Both of these events just made me feel normal and good. I feel like all I do is talk about how I feel, how I’ve been feeling, what the next steps are, think about what I can eat, stress about making sure I don’t get heartburn or trigger an attack at work, calculate how long of a hike I can take if I get to schedule one, etc.

It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted. And I just don’t feel like myself.

And I definitely don’t feel sexy or desirable.

I have new scars on my body, one of which isn’t totally healed yet. My body makes gurgling noises non stop. I’m burpy. I wind up having mystery pains at random.

None of that adds up to a sexy Andrea and I’m sad.

I have a lot of lab tests to do next Friday, one of which is the h. pylori one. I’m also being tested for celiac and gardia. Then in November I’ll be tested for overgrowth in the small intestine.

However these results turn out will dictate what he’s looking for and what he’ll do when I get my endoscopy, since that is a definite that should happen. And a colonoscopy.

More of me not feeling very sexy, y’all.

I also wonder how much of our current political/media climate is impacting me. Stress is not good for the GI tract and I’m definitely feeling stress over the state of our world. I’m going to take off all news alerts from my phone, restrict my Facebook time even more, and not engage in any sort of debate to see if any of that helps. It definitely can’t hurt.

When I finally return to normal I hope I never have to be reminded to enjoy it. To not take it for granted. Because it can be taken away at any moment.


The Hangover

I almost bragged yesterday about how I’d felt pretty good for a week and that I had a normal breakfast that wasn’t cereal and that I was cautiously optimistic that things were turning around!

But at 5:30 last night I sat down to eat dinner and wound up in so much pain that I was thisclose to taking myself back to the ER to make them ultrasound me right then and there.

So, disappointed has been the theme of today.

Luckily the episode only lasted about two hours but it was two of the worst hours I’ve had in some time. I don’t know if it was the most painful episode overall, but it was definitely the worst one in some time. It hurt so bad. I puked a tiny bit. Mostly I just sat bent in half and had little burps. Finally I forced some 7-Up down so the carbonation could help turn the tiny burps into big burps. Finally! A loud, huge, deep down belch and like magic I felt better.

So, now I have two more weeks until my follow up with the GI and hopefully I can keep it to 1 episode a week. That’s progress! That’s me being optimistic and hopeful. Despite the disappointment.

I just want to know what is wrong with me. I just want to make sure that it isn’t making more issues. I don’t want to wind up with some of GI cancer due to not having things resolved quickly enough.

I just want to know what is wrong with me.

And then I want to fix it.

Mundane Monday

I don’t mean to brag or anything, but I ate pizza on Saturday without issue. WOO!!!

I also went on a hike. It was the first hike in two and a half months and that is ludicrous Lu-dah-cris. It felt like I’d never walked up hills before but it also felt SO GOOD to be walking up hills again. And down hills. And on flat desert ground. So good.

I don’t wanna get all excited and think I’m totally cured so I’m being cautiously optimistic given what I carefully planned and ate over the weekend while knowing it’s been a week since I’ve had a full blown issue. Fingers are firmly crossed.

It feels really nice to feel like I have a handle on things and to feel like I’ve taken back control.


I had the best weekend. I decluttered my patio and made it all ready to be sweeped and hosed down. Living in the desert makes things dusty. It almost seems pointless to have a nice seating area, except I suspect people that do cleaning activities more often than I do don’t have that attitude or issue. I also took out all of the trash, broke down all of the recycling and took it out, cleared off my dining room table, framed all of the photos that I had printed, did laundry, bought the sprinkler parts that are needed for the repairs, and ran errands. On top of all of that, I had time to sit and chill, spend time with my boyfriend, play with my dogs, update the BluRay software on my desktop so I can watch Prince BluRays, and updated my iPod.

The best part? Even though my attempt at eating Chinese resulted in my stomach feeling as if it was on fire on Saturday, I successfully ate Mexican lunch on Sunday and things were grand!!

I love a good weekend that is equal parts fun and productive and chill. I achieved it and I feel great today.

The new working theory, with me and my Aunt anyway, is that my janky assed gallbladder inflamed all sorts of shit and my GERD is out of control and, possibly, my hiatal hernia is worse. I don’t know if the Nexium is really helping or if I am just sort of naturally coming off of the worst of it but I do feel improvement, even though I’m still unable to simply just eat without random issues. And since milk can, actually, inflame GERD I’m wondering if I need to cut back on my chocolate milk drinking, even though it seems to help. It could just be a temporary help in the moment then, later, works it back up!

One thing I noticed is that my stomach/abdomen makes all sorts of weird noises. So, the other night I’m sitting on the couch with my boyfriend and I can feel it and hear it doing whatever it’s doing in there to make that noise but I can’t really tell if it’s literally making noise or if I am just perceiving it to make noise. Cut to me catching in my peripheral vision my boyfriend casually looking over at me during the height of one noisy bout of stomachness and I just casually turn and meet his eye and then he turns away, no words exchanged. So, now I’m thinking I may just let it go and see how long it will take him to finally say “What the hell is that noise coming from your body!” It amuses me. Like, I wonder if he thinks I’m just low grade farting in the open. My body is a wonderland. #snort

Tomorrow I shall pack my gym bag and hit the gym! I walked up some stairs yesterday and realized it was all ugh for me and now I feel like a slug. So, fuck this noise I’m getting active!

I’m taking my life back. Yet again!

Wednesday Wambles

So, as I alluded in the last post all of my pre-op symptoms returned and therefore my life has NOT yet returned to normal. Not in any way. BUT! Since this is now my current normal I’m learning how to deal with it while we figure out how to fix it.

I’m living on a diet that mostly consists of Rice-a-Roni, various brands and types of boxed macaroni and cheese, various types of Oreo, chocolate milk, and, currently, chocolate cake. I toss in some deli meat here and there to make sure I’m getting some protein, too. It’s a shitty assed diet but it mostly ensures my episodes aren’t daily and/or that severe. Why these crap doesn’t set it off is beyond me. Why I can have an episode eating chicken wings at 11:45 then recover and eat the rest later in the day without issue is also beyond me. Do you see why it’s frustrating? The lack of consistency is maddening! But, to try to make my life the best it can be I’m sticking with my crap, known ok foods during the work day and most evenings, and then I will give things a go on the weekend. That way, if it sets me off I can just go home.

I’ve switched myself from Prilosec to Nexium and if I determine that is making a difference I’ll make my doctor make that switch official.

I had a MRI this morning to look for any obstructions in the bile duct or issues with the liver and/or pancreas. Sexy, sexy stuff, you guys. If that reveals nothing I’m going to ask him to order a barium swallow test to see if this is related to my hiatal hernia.

So, before we get all sad for my gallbladder, don’t. That thing was janky and had to go. I did not have an unnecessary surgery or lose a good organ. It was jacked and I’m glad it’s out of there before it caused more severe issues for me.

BUT! If this turns out to be nothing more than my hiatal hernia just needs some simple adjustment, I may still get pissed. One can never tell. Especially since I’m now over $4000 into this thing and we still don’t know what the fuck.

I currently am not hiking because, oddly, water will sometimes set off an episode (that’s what I call them now) and I don’t want to be miles away from the trailhead and suddenly feel like ass. The pain makes it hard to walk so that would just not be a good look. But it’s messing with my Zen in a real way. My Zen is depleted.

What I could do, and need to motivate myself to do, is go to the gym. I’m completely healed from surgery, and have been for a few weeks now, and there is no reason to not go. There are things I can do at the gym that will help with the Zen. There. I set a goal. Maybe?

I also need to stop going home and getting on the couch. I’m about to be right back to where I was when I started this here blog and that’s no good. There are chores and tasks I need to do and doing them will keep my mojo and my Zen flowing and make sure I’m a happy Andrea that doesn’t turn into the downtrodden Andrea as soon as I start to feel bad.

That totally means I’m being dramatic at times. I know this. I can admit this. But I don’t need other less self aware persons pointing it out to me or acting superior to me. I know I’m being drama, not being able to eat tacos will do that to a person, fuck!

It also means that because my Zen is depleted I’ve allowed myself to wallow or be all self pity party for a bit. I’ve had a few disappointments that, yes, are very disappointing and years from now I will regret making the choices that I made despite them being the right choice/decision. But it’s ok to be disappointed. I just need to stop dragging it around with me like a security blanket. And I just now realized that I’m not doing that anymore and then remembered that I’m on my period and my morose attitude over the weekend and the last two days makes total sense and people can suck on my balls.

In other news, I’ve started reading “Picturing Prince” and taking in the photos and I have to tell you….it’s delightful. I’ve laughed out loud a few times at the stories that Steve is sharing about his time working with Prince and I really do love getting even these tiny glimpses of him as a person and not just as capital P Prince. I suspect if you’re not a fan, however, you’d get no enjoyment from any of that.

And there you go.

Haters Gonna Hate

Instead of listening to a podcast this morning I waited to hear the radio station play Taylor Swift’s new song and I like it and I’m not even sorry. I know she’s very silly and she’s being drama but I like that she’s not obnoxious and too much in interviews the way Katy Perry is. Katy is just TOO MUCH all of the times and I cannot deal with that. Tone it down, Perry. So, I guess I’m team Taylor and I’m fine with that and not even embarrassed even though I’m 45. Like what you like, is my motto. There are no guilty pleasures. I like plenty of what is universally considered “good music” and it’s totally fine for me to like Taylor Swift and y’all can shake that shit off.

So, there’s my take on current affairs.

Now, to my own current affairs!

Yesterday I did not want to even. I didn’t want to even at all. And by the end of the day, more like by 7pm, I was exhausted from all of the trying to even I’d done. But I woke up this morning and I realized….the deep muscle pain near one of my incisions feels so much better today. So now I’m wondering if my body was just busy healing some shit up yesterday and that is why I wanted to be on the couch and not even with anything. I think this is very scientific and I think I’m right.

Plus, on top of that, I decided to stop being so precious with my body and had begun sitting and moving and walking more naturally instead of favoring shit. And now I’m thinking that next weekend I will go on a hike and this weekend I will do my morning walks! Hell, I may even go to the gym next week and get that routine back in place. Boom! Normalcy.

When I eat sometimes I get a bit of heartburn but it passes, especially if I follow the meal with some dairy product of some sort. That has me a little concerned but I’m still going to give that time before I determine my life will not be what it once was in regards to food and digestion. I have, also, likely started eating the spicy and saucy stuff too soon and maybe should have waited but I wanted to know, y’all. I wanted to know. And I’m impatient. So, I ate the things and mostly the eating of things is fine and that is that the end.

I’ve been wearing the FitBit since Monday and while I haven’t achieved 10k daily steps yet I’m likely walking more than I had been and that’s something!

I’m also back to being accountable on my weight. I lost 5ish pounds during the stomach bug debacle and I’ve only put 2ish back on so that’s nice. A nice little boost. So now I am currently 12.6 pounds from my main goal. My next mini goal is to lose 7.6 pounds. LET’S DO THIS!!

My state of mind is fairly good, I have to say. I had a moment yesterday and that is likely due to the feeling of not wanting to even but today I’m all “Yay!” about life so I’ll go with that because living in the present and being mindful is a good way to be.


I worked all day on Monday and at the end of the day I was exhausted and all of the people that were all “this is routine surgery, you’ll be fine!” beforehand turned into “You had major surgery! Of course you’re tired.” People lie, is the moral to this. They lie to calm you down.

Tuesday morning I was getting ready to leave for work when a major development occurred:



It happened again this morning. As did my period. Because life is funny that way.

I ate the biggest meal yet yesterday, a turkey burger and some sweet potato fries. So far, so good. I’m still holding out final determination until I’m not gassy or crampy or any of the things.

I’m healing well, I’m moving better, I’m sleeping GREAT thanks to being worn the fuck out by being at work and my body healing itself each day. Incisions are itchy, which is a good sign.

A week after surgery and I’m doing pretty swell. I’d say.

So swell that this morning I put my FitBit on the charger so I can start wearing it again and start getting a bit of my routine back in place.

Life is about to be all sorts of normal. Amen.