Normalcy

Saturday morning my boyfriend and I went out to have breakfast together. I had pancakes. It went well. So, now I sort of want to go out to eat all of the time and just have pancakes.

Sunday morning we took all of our dogs on a short hike to see how his would do. Which they did great, we just need to get an earlier start so they don’t overheat. Especially the older little guy.

Both of these events just made me feel normal and good. I feel like all I do is talk about how I feel, how I’ve been feeling, what the next steps are, think about what I can eat, stress about making sure I don’t get heartburn or trigger an attack at work, calculate how long of a hike I can take if I get to schedule one, etc.

It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted. And I just don’t feel like myself.

And I definitely don’t feel sexy or desirable.

I have new scars on my body, one of which isn’t totally healed yet. My body makes gurgling noises non stop. I’m burpy. I wind up having mystery pains at random.

None of that adds up to a sexy Andrea and I’m sad.

I have a lot of lab tests to do next Friday, one of which is the h. pylori one. I’m also being tested for celiac and gardia. Then in November I’ll be tested for overgrowth in the small intestine.

However these results turn out will dictate what he’s looking for and what he’ll do when I get my endoscopy, since that is a definite that should happen. And a colonoscopy.

More of me not feeling very sexy, y’all.

I also wonder how much of our current political/media climate is impacting me. Stress is not good for the GI tract and I’m definitely feeling stress over the state of our world. I’m going to take off all news alerts from my phone, restrict my Facebook time even more, and not engage in any sort of debate to see if any of that helps. It definitely can’t hurt.

When I finally return to normal I hope I never have to be reminded to enjoy it. To not take it for granted. Because it can be taken away at any moment.

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The See Saw

I called my GI doctor yesterday and left a message for his assistant that basically said “Hey, we’ve tried all sorts of shit so now let’s go ahead and test me for h pylori like I wanted to before, okthanksbai.”

His assistant called me late yesterday afternoon and it sounds like he begrudgingly agreed to test me for that BUT had his assistant warn me with a grim tone of voice that I’ll “have to stop taking your Prilosec for TWO WEEKS.” *insert scary music here that was implied by her tone*

Fine! I can stop taking it for two weeks to take a test that will tell me if I have a bacterial infection or not.

All of my symptoms, well most, point to yes, yes I do. My aunt told me straight up that she will be SHOCKED if the test is negative. So, we shall see.

So, good news, I finally get to be tested for something that I should have been tested for months ago.

Bad news, I may potentially feel worse from time to time thanks to not being on my meds. BUT! I may not, too.

I never ever thought I would ask for something like this, but please keep your fingers crossed that this test is positive so all I have to do is take a round of antibiotics to be cured. That I will FINALLY have the answer and the solution and be able to eat normally again. Please and thank you!!

And then say a little prayer for my doc who will have my rage rained upon him.

Amen.

Boring and Bland and Bored

I spent my weekend feeling like shit. Then, yesterday, I had the audacity to simply wake up and there it was….a deep, throbbing pain. I didn’t even have to eat anything.

So, I’m finally doing a true bland food diet. My aunt recommended I do that for 72 hours just to see and then we’ll go from there. So, I am. Cream of wheat. Saltines. Spaghetti noodles boiled in chicken broth. More saltines. Water. Fruity Pebbles, since they are rice based and I haven’t been to the store yet.

I’m tracking my food and my poops, too. HOW FUN! However, this morning’s was fun since it was bright green and I got to Google that. Oh, my life. What even are you?

Also, look at my good girl just sitting and waiting like you should in a waiting room:

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She’s had a few bouts of vomiting, not eating, and her belly making horrible noises. So, I took her to be checked out.

The vet was going over all that it could be, from the simplest to the worst. She doesn’t feel it’s the worst. But the simplest was “acid reflux and anxious belly.” To which I just couldn’t stop shaking my head and smiling in disbelief as she started talking about Pepcid and Prilosec for my dog and she finally asked what’s up. So, I told her that I had a crazy question and proceeded to tell her all about my woes and how on the day of my surgery she had puked and my boyfriend joked it was due to my nerves impacting her. The vet said that was actually highly probable! That if she is really in tune with me, like she is, that my issues could be stressing her out.

So, we’re doing simple bloodwork to rule out anything for real and I have instructions on how much Pepcid to give her if it happens again.

My little familiar. She loves me too much.

So that is the tale of how me and my little dog wound up on the same meds.

 

The Hangover

I almost bragged yesterday about how I’d felt pretty good for a week and that I had a normal breakfast that wasn’t cereal and that I was cautiously optimistic that things were turning around!

But at 5:30 last night I sat down to eat dinner and wound up in so much pain that I was thisclose to taking myself back to the ER to make them ultrasound me right then and there.

So, disappointed has been the theme of today.

Luckily the episode only lasted about two hours but it was two of the worst hours I’ve had in some time. I don’t know if it was the most painful episode overall, but it was definitely the worst one in some time. It hurt so bad. I puked a tiny bit. Mostly I just sat bent in half and had little burps. Finally I forced some 7-Up down so the carbonation could help turn the tiny burps into big burps. Finally! A loud, huge, deep down belch and like magic I felt better.

So, now I have two more weeks until my follow up with the GI and hopefully I can keep it to 1 episode a week. That’s progress! That’s me being optimistic and hopeful. Despite the disappointment.

I just want to know what is wrong with me. I just want to make sure that it isn’t making more issues. I don’t want to wind up with some of GI cancer due to not having things resolved quickly enough.

I just want to know what is wrong with me.

And then I want to fix it.

Shut Up and Dance

Not too long ago I found myself pondering at what stage in our history entertainers went from the “bring out the jester to entertain me!” to the “Wow, entertainers are the coolest and we should give them all of our money, attention, and respect!” level.

But now I find myself thinking that the “entertain me!” mindset is still in our brains and is only activated when the entertainers “forget their place” and start having opinions and shit.

HOW DARE THEY!!!!

Sarcasm, that is. I don’t care. I’m not in the shut up and dance crowd and I don’t understand that crowd and I don’t understand how they don’t see and hear how fucking racist and belittling they sound.

And I feel that it is absolutely nothing but jealousy when they start throwing salaries into the mix. Yes, it seems absurd that an athlete makes millions and millions of dollars while a coal miner or teacher makes little to nothing. But, when you think of the sports leagues as a whole and keep in mind how much money those institutions are making off the names, likenesses, and physicality of those people it makes sense. They are being compensated fairly for that industry.

I don’t understand how people don’t see that all of this patriotism they are currently feeling was a marketing scheme cooked up after 9/11 to try to entice people to enlist to the military.

I don’t understand how people that live in the United States and claim to love the freedom that that brings us can also turn around and want forced patriotism! Paid for patriotism. How is THAT respecting your country? How is THAT respecting anything?!

I don’t understand how the people that are currently whining the most over “disrespect of our flag!” are also the ones that would get a raging boner over a thin, blonde lady in a flag bikini while wearing a flag t-shirt and drinking beer from a can with a flag on it when every single one of those uses are going against the flag code they claim to love so much.

I don’t understand how the people that scream and cry over how much they love our Constitution seem to understand it the least.

I don’t understand how the people that worship our military don’t understand that the military is made up of individual people with their own thoughts, ideas, and opinions and that a lot of them have a very cynical viewpoint of the military as a whole and/or our country due to their experiences working within that machine. Or that some of those people, as they should, understand the Constitution and the freedoms it grants us that they signed up to protect and feel that it’s perfectly fine for people to sit, kneel, turn their back, totally ignore or whatever during the National Anthem because we ARE THE HOME OF THE FREE. It says so right in the song, ffs.

But that also means that those that don’t understand all of that and want to bitch and complain about it….they get to. It doesn’t matter how dumb or hypocritical they are being, they get to complain. Freedom is for all of us.

We all pick and choose who gets to have an opinion or lose their jobs over it. Duck Dynasty, anyone? We liberals lost our minds and were happy when they lost their jobs, right? We felt superior because they were being ignorant bigots.

They are allowed to be ignorant bigots.

And they are allowed to lose their jobs over it.

The only thing free speech gives us is protection from is the GOVERNMENT. So, the President doesn’t really get to use his damn Twitter account to call for the firing of people. I’m sure that it’s technically allowed, since he’s not rounding them up and arresting them, but it’s a grey area that shouldn’t be danced on.

We’re all hypocrites. All of us.

That all said, if people would calm the fuck down and just ignore what the NFL players are doing all of this would go away. Them quietly kneeling isn’t impacting you and if you’re pissed off about it, then you’re not really going to be happy with ANY protest they do. Quietly kneeling is as peaceful a protest as you can get. So stop arguing, stand for the anthem if you please, and sing along.

And, once you calm down, perhaps do some soul searching as to why it’s actually pissing you off instead of what FOX news and the President’s tweets are telling you to be pissed about. You might actually learn something.

We all learn something when we actually calm down, shut up, listen, then reflect.

Mundane Monday

I don’t mean to brag or anything, but I ate pizza on Saturday without issue. WOO!!!

I also went on a hike. It was the first hike in two and a half months and that is ludicrous Lu-dah-cris. It felt like I’d never walked up hills before but it also felt SO GOOD to be walking up hills again. And down hills. And on flat desert ground. So good.

I don’t wanna get all excited and think I’m totally cured so I’m being cautiously optimistic given what I carefully planned and ate over the weekend while knowing it’s been a week since I’ve had a full blown issue. Fingers are firmly crossed.

It feels really nice to feel like I have a handle on things and to feel like I’ve taken back control.

Fun With Drugs

Over the weekend my boyfriend reminded me of how drugged up I was when they released me from the hospital to go home and we stopped at the pharmacy to get my prescriptions. I had totally forgot about this until he brought it up.

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That’s my HSA debit card. It does not have a chip. It has a hologram square. But in my anesthetized mind it was a chip and I kept inserting it into the chip reader over and over trying to pay that way, only to fail and get super frustrated. Which just added to my frustration over them asking me so many damned questions.

Coming off of anesthesia is fun, you guys. Even if you feel like it’s over, it’s not. When they say 24 hours, they mean it.

In other news, my MRI revealed no blockages, stones, or anything at all which is actually good news. You really don’t want to have to go right back in after having surgery to have more surgery.

But it’s bad in that….so what IS the issue? I’ll go back to my GI in three weeks to follow up with that question. In the meantime I’ll keep on keeping on with my Prilosec, my dumb self imposed diet, and an IBS related pill that will, allegedly, help with the major discomfort when/if it arises.

Basically at this point I’m hoping that it really is nothing more than my system was super inflamed and needs to calm its tits and that once it does, it’ll be back to business as usual for me. Cross your fingers for me!