Work is incredibly busy right now so this is just a super quick update:

I’m down 1.8 lbs from February 1 and that keeps me in first place in the weight loss challenge. I feel super motivated at the moment and am devoting Sunday evening to meal prep of the week’s breakfast and lunch. Watch out!

I feel good about being in first because, at the moment, I’m also the only one losing AND I’m the only one eating real food and not just protein shakes and yogurt. Real food for the win!

My allergies are horrible and making me NOT want to walk but thankfully I have a friend in my neighborhood to keep me accountable and I’m always happier after I walk, even though it really does make my allergies worse at the moment.

Same friend also kept me accountable at lunch yesterday and I had a good, healthy sandwich from a local cafe instead of a quickie fast food lunch. It was better for me, tastier, and cost the same but really less because I have half of it left for today’s lunch. Boom!

I’m super duper sick of people and their gun love and their nonsense and calling the victims’ friends and families and survivors actors and all of the arguing and lack of facts. Sick of it. But I’m also sooooo impressed with the teens and I want to do whatever I can to support them.

That’s it. Gotta get back to this massive pile of projects that suddenly appeared in front of me this week. Earn those dollars!!


Just Keeping It Real

I said last week that our office official weigh in would be on Mondays but it’s not, it’s staying on Thursday. Because people like to live on the weekends and we started on a Thursday so consistency and all that crap! Which means I weighed in today. I’m up .6 from my original weigh in. HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, well. Not a sprint, but a marathon, etc. The end goal is the prize not the week to week.

This week my attention was pulled to two different online people who are ranting into the void and being assholes and when called out on their asshole ways they say “What?! Me? Noooooo. I’m not an asshole. You haters just can’t handle how real I am!!”

So, when did “keeping it real” turn into “I’m gonna just act however I want!” which is most usually as a jerk?! That is not keeping it real. You can be real and still be rational. You can be real and still have manners. You can be real and still find a way to not be delusional. You can be real and still be kind in your honesty. I really, really dislike how people are just spouting off at the mouth and then whining that they have haters if/when anyone decides to say “you know, you really are coming off like an asshole.”

The news from yesterday made me sad. What made me sadder is that while I’m reading about it I read that there was an incident the week before in Kentucky and I swear I’d not heard anything about that! Now, I know I’m actively avoiding the news because Trump and his administration are seriously bad for my mental health if not, also, my physical health. What with all the changes they are doing to the environmental regulations and shrinking of public lands and National Parks. It’s shameful. I could cry daily if I kept up with it. But I need to be able to function in society for myself, society itself, and my dogs. So, news break. But, back to my point, I have watched some news and I saw not one mention of the school shooting in Kentucky! Not one! It was all Trump and the porn star and Trump and him not acting quickly enough on a domestic abuser and Trump and who will he throw under the bus this time and Trump Trump Trump Trump. I get that he’s the President and he does terrible things….but there’s other news. I don’t want to learn a week after the fact that there was a school shooting as if that’s just acceptable and normal now. It will never be acceptable or normal to me!

And all I’ll say about gun control is this: One person, one time, failed to light his shoe bomb on a plane and now everyone everywhere has to take off their shoes before getting on a plane. Some people use Sudafed to make meth. Now everyone everywhere has to ask a pharmacist to give them Sudafed while having their license scanned into the system. Mass shootings happen, apparently, on a weekly basis but nothing is done. We have existing gun laws. I’m not even asking for new ones. I want the existing ones enforced. And I want it remembered that Trump repealed the mental health regulation about gun control that Obama implemented. Never forget that. He’s so set on repealing any fucking thing Obama did that he took away protections to keep Americans safe.

I said more than I thought I would. I’m not sorry.

I don’t want to lose all faith in humanity. I know in my heart and soul that there are far more good humans than bad. But you guys, the bad ones are just really fucking it up for the rest of us.

Stop fucking it up for the rest of us!

hello tacos, my old friend

I didn’t realize until I was in the middle of eating them but I’d not rushed right out as soon as I realized I could eat normally again to gorge on real tacos. That was fixed yesterday and I had delicious tacos and it was so good and I am so happy and it was just perfect.

This whole weekend was perfect, really.

It was, like, the first back to my actual, normal life feeling weekend in forever. And nothing really exciting happened. It was just me and my boyfriend hanging out, making each other laugh, doing boyfriend/girlfriend things, running errands, eating, and watching our little dogs be dogs. And I loved every damn minute of it and I’m just so happy.

I started my period yesterday and I bloat like a beast and I feel like I’ve not really cared about how much or what I’ve been eating so I was scared when I got on the scale this morning. For no reason. Because while I’ve not lost, I’ve not gained, either. I’m exactly where I was on weigh in Thursday! Woo!

That caused me to reflect and while I did eat like a person not on a diet I also didn’t really eat as much as I felt I had and I still did a lot of moving around so I’m on the right track. Yay!

I saw a photo of a hippie lady doing yoga with her kids while she’s freely bleeding from her vagina and to this I say “no, lady, you’re doing this wrong.” I agree that our periods need to be less of a secret and I applaud the commercials that are making it more normal for teens and women to be seen handing each other tampons and pads out in the open instead of under the cover of night but we don’t need to go overboard and bleed on our kids. For fuck’s sake, you guys, stop ruining everything by being so goddamned extreme.

I’m now 60% through “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” and I’m even more convinced that everyone needs to listen to/read this book. Now, it does sort of ignore some socioeconomic aspects of lives that can/will make it harder for some people to get to a place of being able to own their choices and accept that we are all 100% responsible for our choices and ourselves. He mentions therapy and not everyone can afford therapy in order to get to that place and I get that. But this book is still really good and highlighting what I’ve tried to get some other people to understand, which is “Yeah, people suck and it’s their fault that they’ve treated you like shit but they are not responsible for you feeling like shit. You’re making choices to keep yourself focused on that and making choices to not make yourself a bit more happy.” YOU are responsible for YOU. I know far too many people that don’t understand this and they place their happiness on the backs of everyone around them. They’ll never be happy until they understand they are the one in the charge.

Again, that is not to say that I think I’m some perfect example of how to be. I have many, many flaws that I am aware of and, likely, a few that I’m not. But I’m trying to work on them and when I fuck up I apologize. But I accepted about 10-ish years ago that I am the only one responsible for me and my life and my joy and since then my life has just grown and flourished. I’ve stumbled a long the way and I even put the blame on another person. But as soon as I took it off of them and back on me? Happy returned even stronger! So, again, I’m not perfect but I am in charge of me.

I hope everyone had a good weekend and is starting the week off well.

No Fucks Given

I received an offer for a free audio-book from Google Play Books so I used it to get “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.” I’m not even through the first chapter and I already love it. It’s making me realize that my issue with most people around me is that they give way too many fucks about nonsense and I give none on their fuck given topics and therefore they try to force me to by doing bullshit to drag me to their playground. But I take my own fuck free ball and go home. Which explains why they don’t like me. They give way too many fucks.

Now, that is not to say that I am free of all fucks. I clearly have some that I need to work on. But so far, generally speaking, I’m doing ok according to this guy. Yay!

So, I’ll be listening to this book on my commute instead of podcasts. It’s a nice change of pace, I think. But I sort of suspect that if I like it this much all the way through I may just need a physical copy to thumb through when I need a reminder. And send copies to people. Anonymously.

It seems that our official weigh in at the office for the challenge will be on Mondays instead of Thursdays, even though we started last Thursday, and that’s fine. Whatever. But I did a weigh in today anyway and I’m down 1.7 lbs!! Because I pooped this morning. My insides are still working themselves out so that doesn’t always happen. I’ve been so bloated this week that I hoped it would happen soon and boy did it. TMI? I don’t care. I’m  happy. My slightly adjusted diet and amped up activity is already paying off! I hope to keep my weight loss each week between 1 and 2 pounds. Oh, and we’re doing three months not two. So, I should easily reach the 10 pounds gone goal. BOOM!

I did my lunch walk, took care of my boyfriend’s dogs, and did my evening walk and wound up with over 14k steps yesterday. I’m back!

When I bought my Instant Pot I joined a group on Facebook to get recipe ideas but all I kept seeing was posts about hard boiled eggs and spaghetti. Two of the easiest things on earth to cook. I was annoyed. I scoffed. I made fun of them out here in real life. I left the group. Cut to Monday night when I was exhausted but really knew the right thing to do was make my weekly breakfast. I decided I’d do the eggs in the Instant Pot while I fried bacon to cut down on time. And what I discovered is that hard boiled eggs in the Instant Pot come out PERFECT and are the absolutely easiest to peel eggs I’ve ever experienced and I will now only make them in there. And? I should check out this spaghetti deal to see if it holds up!

I have my Federal and my State tax refunds now and that means I now also have a bit of a savings account and I am so pleased. Just…pleased, man. I really like how it’s suddenly back to my normal life like last year never even happened. It’s so weird, really. How things can be so terrible for so long and then before you even know it they’re just not. But I also want to be able to appreciate how lucky I am that it was that easy for me. I’ve been reading articles and the comment sections on how various people in our own country have been wiped out by illness, how their finances are in ruins, how some family members just simply died because they couldn’t get treatment, how some people died because they were afraid of the costs of treatments. I’m so fortunate and I will never take that for granted again.

Untitled because titles are hard

Tomorrow is the first weigh in since the challenge started and as of today I’m only down half a pound but that’s ok because my Dad was in town and we ate whatever we could find and walked our butts off while watching golf so it’s all good in this hood.

His flight was at oh my gosh why so early in the morning so I was at work at why are people even awake at this time so I got to leave early. I figured I’d take a nap or something. But, instead, I just relaxed for a few hours on the couch with a movie then got super antsy and got up and did meal prep and laundry and dishes and things of that sort. So, I guess doing my evening walks and the weekend of activity punched my motivation into gear! WOO!

Last night my walking partner was unavailable. So I walked alone. Motivation? I have it!

I also have irritation. I don’t understand why people act the way they do. Why some are so willfully ignorant. Why some can’t just mind their own fucking business and not be so goddamn petty. Why some can’t stop being so self absorbed and be nice. Why some can’t seem to decide if they want to talk to me or they don’t. Why some can’t be positive no matter what. Why some can’t allow for negative feelings ever. People are irritating and confusing.

I’m pretty sure that my health ordeal last year has wrecked my hair. I’ve been using better shampoo and doing conditioning treatments and it just looks thin and lifeless and I’m ready to shave it all off.  Like it feels great so it’s likely healthy. It just looks a mess. My hair is ruined. Great.

I’m also pretty sure that I’ve reached that time where my pretty days are behind me and now I’m just gonna get uglier as the years go by. I hate every photo taken of me anymore. Selfies? Forgetaboutit. I’m too trollish. But at least I have my charming personality!

I need to be a better friend. My health woes took a lot out of me and I just didn’t put effort into reaching out and keeping in touch and now that’s my new normal. Well, I mean, I’ve not been great at that anyway but it seems worse now. I need to send a flurry of texts today. But that just feels weird. Like, if the people I’m not in contact with really wanted to hear from me wouldn’t they have said hi or something? This is how my brain works. Because I hate to bother people. As if a hi! is a bother. I’m so fucking weird.

I also need to be a better house keeper. I have chores piled up. Now that I’m healthy, I need to focus on them. Despite my overwhelming desire for life to be fun.

I also need to schedule appointments for my scruffy girl dog so her teeth don’t rot and so she doesn’t go blind if she doesn’t have to.

I already received my state and federal tax refunds! I’m building savings again. Which is nice. But I’m sure that’ll get fucked up somehow.

I need to look at my lady app and see if I’m dealing with PMS. This whole things went in a direction I wasn’t expecting. And now you know that I just open a post window and start typing free flow style.

Free flow style is my rap name.


It’s so amazing and fascinating to me to be on the other side of strife and realize how it just didn’t really last that long while, also, remembering that while I was going through it I felt like it was forever and what the rest of my life would probably be.

Eight weeks ago yesterday I had my surgery. At this point in time my incisions are mostly healed, I have no muscle pains, I’m sleeping in whatever position I want, I’m walking at my normal pace, I’m able to drink almost my normal amount of water each day, I can swallow normally, and everything is mostly just back to how it was at the beginning of last year.

I remember sleeping on the couch and wondering how long that would be for. I remember finally being back in my bed but not being able to sleep on my sides. I remember finally being able to sleep on my right side but not my left. I remember all of the random aches and pains and me wondering if they’d ever go away. I remember thinking my life would never be back to normal.

And here we are, eight short weeks later. Life is funny that way. Or else I’m just dramatic. One of those.

Today was the weigh in for the office weight loss challenge. I have two months to lose 10 pounds. I’m currently still 7 lbs lighter than I was at the beginning of 2017 so that’s good! I know I won’t make much progress this weekend with my Dad being here and not having easy access during the day to good choices but I’m going to do my best and then on Monday IT IS ON!

I’m also doing a daily push ups challenge each day in February to see how much I improve by doing them each day. I’m gonna take a before and after pic, too, to see if there’s any sort of physical change. I’m gonna be a beast.

I have met my 10k steps goal each day this week so far! Woo!

In other words, I need to stop waiting for my life to be back to normal because I get to say what is normal and, apparently, it’s already that.

Yay, normal!