I’m not dead. Nor have I had surgery.
What?!?! You may be asking yourselves. Didn’t they make it sound super serious and like things would go super quickly and that you might, even, have to go to the ER and that surgeons there would be updated as to your case so they could properly treat you in your surgeon’s absence?! Yes. All of that was told to me. Yet here we are three weeks later.
So, in the last three weeks here’s what’s new:
I cancelled my trip home for Thanksgiving, was sad about that, then got all full of logic from my dude and my Dad and then got super excited and happy at the thought of having my very first Thanksgiving with my guy and our dogs and cooking my first turkey and the whole thing. And guess what? It was great! I was able to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner without too much pain and I was able to enjoy my favorite part, the turkey goulash, without any pain at all!
Before that, however, we went to an early Thanksgiving dinner at his sister’s house and that fucked me up big time. I felt worse than I’ve felt in some time. Things got ugly. But that has passed.
In the past three weeks I have, also, stopped wearing a bra. Ever. Like, not even once have I had on a bra and I just might make this a permanent change in my life. I feel awesome. But the bras were causing too much pressure around the very area that is having the issues so I’ve set it, and my boobs, free. And it’s great. At first I felt weird and self conscious about it all but now? Nope. It’s just boobs. Get over it, world.
Also, since Friday after Thanksgiving….I have felt better than I have in months! I’m able to eat whatever I want, which is being nicely reflected on the scale. Oops on that. I can tell something is still not super right in there but it’s not causing the pain and misery that it once was. So, in my mind I can’t help but wonder if things have untwisted and/or un-herniated a bit? Which will be great! It could mean surgery is much easier.
Which brings me to surgery. I met with the surgeon last week on Tuesday. He explained what is happening inside of me really well and his course of action. Or, at least, what his course of action was on that day. Basically I have the paraesophageal hernia. The fundus portion of my stomach is what is herniated into my chest. The paraesposhageal hernia means it’s herniated into my chest in front of my esophagus instead of beside it. And it appeared to be incarcerated. Which means stuck. The lower part of my stomach, the part that hasn’t herniated, is also twisted. Usually stomachs that twist do so side to side. Mine decided to do it from the bottom up. I just love being different. So, his plan was to determine the best repair for the hernia once he’s in there and sees how bad/big it is, do the toupet fundoplication (which is where they wrap part of the stomach half way around the esophagus to keep it in place), and do it all laparoscopicly.
But they did not give me a date in which all of that would happen.
So, I called the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to talk to the scheduler. Nothing. I waited until Tuesday to call her back. Still nothing. Finally I get a call yesterday.
That call was to inform me that they’d like for me to go have a CT Scan with Contrast of the esophagus and abdomen so they can check for kinks and other such things. Which I wholeheartedly agree with. Of course they should make sure they can see and know what, exactly, is going on in there to prevent them from having to open me up more or do exploratory stuff. But…I need this surgery done before midnight on December 31st. And I need it to NOT interfere with my Star Wars viewing pleasure. I’m not even kidding.
This whole ordeal caused me to not go to California to see The Muppets Live at the Hollywood Bowl with my friend Randi, which would have been a dream come true. That worked out for Randi to take a nice friend of hers in a bad situation. This whole ordeal caused me to not go home to be with my family for Thanksgiving. But I got to stay here and have a low key, stress free, lovely holiday with my boyfriend. This whole ordeal made me feel miserable on my birthday. But I had a lovely day anyway, despite throwing up on the side of the road. I’ve missed work, I’ve had so many tests, I’ve had so much blood drawn, I had to gather my own poo, I’ve felt worse than I ever have in my life, I’ve not hiked, I’ve not made plans, I’ve thrown my healthy diet out the window, I’ve been self involved and have no idea what’s going on with my friends, and on and on and on. I will NOT also miss out on Star Wars. We have tickets. I will not. And I will not allow this to carry over into next year and cost me way more.
So, that’s where we are now. I’m just in constant limbo and sort grumpy about it. But the holiday spirit is hitting me and the grumpy is fading away and for that I am glad. Waiting is not my strong suit, however. So I’m hoping that they get the CT Scan results quickly, get a plan of action together quickly, and get me into surgery quickly. I’m calling to put that deadline in their notes, though. Being proactive and shit.
I hope anyone reading this is having a lovely holiday season so far! Lots of joy and gleeful vibes for you.