Different Drinks, Same Bar

My weight loss has stalled and I have nobody to blame but myself and all of my excuses. Excuses are aplenty around here and I feel like they are legit but, really, if things are important to you, you make the time. And right now expending my nervous energy in ways that aren’t my evening walk seem to be taking priority even though they shouldn’t.

I always get a bit twitchy before a trip. I have no idea why, it’s just what my brain likes to do. I’m twitchy as fuck at the moment. My nerves and emotions are juuuuuuuust under the surface ready to come out at a moment’s notice. Last night that manifested itself physically by making me itchy all over my body which, really, only made me more easily irritated. But I recognized it and I said to everyone in the room, “please back off for a moment while I reset….I’m having an attack of some sort.” And everyone did and I reset and no incident occurred and I am pleased. Other than not being pleased that this is my brain in the first place.

I think my dogs have felt this energy coming before I have. This entire week they have been so much more clingy. They are usually happy simply being on the couch with me. This week, they are both just on me immediately upon sitting down. On top of me and on top of each other and while I suspect they think they are helping, they are not. The constant need to be RIGHT THERE ON ME ALL OF THE TIME is making it worse. But they are just little dogs. How do you explain that to them? Especially when you just really know in your heart that they are trying to help you? There’s a language barrier that sometimes just cannot be bridged there. So, I let them be on me and I breathe and I feel their hearts beat and I feel them breathe and I calm down eventually. Once I just let it.

I wish I could get to the “just let it” part in all areas so much quicker. My life would be easier more often if I could.

So, my weight loss has stalled while I deal with my pre-trip nerves and my goal is now to just make sure I don’t go up. I can do that. That seems less stressful to me at the moment.

I envy people that are able to just be.

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One thought on “Different Drinks, Same Bar

  1. Same same.
    I’m glad to see you are having an amazing trip. Kind of almost makes those jitters worth it.
    I love you! My weight loss too has stalled but we will push through it together when you return. You just watch. XO

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