Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby…

Or, rather, sex education type topics and health! This will not be a boring post just about me walking and eating and shrinking! Here we go!

The past week has been that magical time of year where I go to the gyno for my yearly exam which then leads to me having a transvaginal ultrasound to peek in on my uterus to see how the fibroid in there is doing and the yearly mammogram. So, let’s start with the lady doc.

I love my lady doc. We talk about a wide variety of things and she makes me feel comfortable enough to ask questions about things that pop up here and there because I have a body and bodies have things that pop up now and again. Sometimes those things are in the crotch area.

Now, ladies…if you do not own a handheld mirror so that you can look at your entire vaginal area and know what it normally looks like and how things feel down there, STOP BEING SILLY AND GET ON THAT. Seriously. It is part of your body just like all the other parts of your body and you need to know it. So, do that. Know your body. Know your vag.

Side rant: This is just one more way that sex education in this country is failing us. Far too many women that I’ve encountered don’t even understand something as simple as their menstrual cycle. They don’t even know what that process entails! Shouldn’t they have learned that in health class? Damn! Do better, sex education in America. I’m looking at you, too, parents. Step up.

Next up is the transvaginal ultrasound. Sexy. The tech at my doctor’s office hands me the probe and tells me to insert it myself then she takes over control. I suspected I understood why she does it that way but this time I decided to ask some questions. Because I’m a curious girl that likes to know stuff. So I said “Weird question time….do you ever encounter women that are uncomfortable inserting the wand themselves?” She then went on a rant, similar to my own thoughts, about how too many people are uncomfortable with their bodies, don’t know what their bodies look like, don’t talk to each other about their bodies, won’t even really ask questions of her or the doctor about their bodies, and on and on. She did, also, explain that she asks us to insert the wand to put us at ease and feel more in control, since she doesn’t know what our history of sexual assault may be. She also went on to explain that some women are far too overweight to even reach down there! So, ladies, another reason to stay healthy! So we can properly reach our vaginas to keep them clean and inspect them and make sure they, too, are healthy.

One thing to note about transvaginal ultrasounds, they can induce cramps. Not always and not for all people but they can. And for me, they absolutely did this time. Last time wasn’t as bad. And upon my reflection and analyzing of the situation I think it’s likely thanks to hormones. It’s always fucking hormones fucking shit up! I’m 2 years closer to the beginning, if not already there, of perimenopause and I was on the tail end of my ovulation period so my hormones were likely all wonky. Insert an ultrasound wand and boom! Cramps are born. Ugh.

Finally, it’s mammogram time. And I got to see a different tech at a different office since I have the densest breasts that ever did live and require a 3D mammogram. Like, these puppies can’t read, do math, or walk and chew bubble gum at the same time. That’s how dense they are.

Mammograms, for those that have not yet had the pleasure, suck a lot of ass. Please just prepare yourself for it to be terrible and then, hopefully you have a better time of it than I do and it won’t be so bad. It is more than just a little uncomfortable in my experience.

Next side rant: That’s right ladies….we are not all the same. Your period is light, on time, regular, and without mood swings or cramps? Great for you! But do not act like those of us on the complete other side of that description are lying or being babies. Some of us have issues, like fibroids in our uterus, that disrupt the thickening and subsequent shedding of  the uterine lining each month and make it really sucky. None of us have the same level of hormones at any given time, either. We’re all very individualized and you need to be a better woman and accept that your sisters have different experiences.

So, there you know my lady health crap. I put it all out here in the world basically to say to all other ladies in the world “Know your body! All parts of it! Take care of them, be comfortable with them, talk to your friends and your doctors, and be kind to other women that have different experiences than you.”

I’ll finish by saying my walking this week is just as shitty as last week due to all of this nonsense and other nonsense and I’m up a wee bit in weight but that was likely thanks to my emotional eating of my feelings towards the cramps yesterday of more ice cream than I know I should eat at once. It’ll even out!


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