Rock, Steady

I got on the scale this morning for my own official Friday weigh in and despite me not being able to really walk that much this week and sorta threw all caution to the wind in regards to my diet (or at least feeling like I did) I’m only up 1/2 a pound for the week and I ain’t even mad. I expected so much worse and when I saw that number I was all “Well there you go!” about it. Yay!

My frame of mind, I think, is weird. This week was hard on me with all of the testings and probings and then waiting for the results, which were all good but I do not have the mammogram results yet. Cramps and overall feelings of bleah come with all of this but it’s fine. It just left me feeling sort of like everyone that saw me should give me hugs and tell me I’m pretty. But this is real life and that, of course, doesn’t happen and that’s fine, too. Then I’m realizing that I am fucking obsessed with paying off my debts and I’m driving myself unnecessarily crazy over that. My finances are better than the average American’s but, really, with the state of the average American I don’t know that that is saying much. But I need to relax a bit. It’s making me complainy in really weird ways. But, again, this week was just really fucked up for me and I hate it. Then I found out yesterday that the matriarch of just the best and kindest family I have the honor of knowing and loving was diagnosed with colon cancer and they are awaiting the prognosis. So, I should shut up. I hate cancer. I hate that bad things happen to even the best people.

So, there you go. Good riddance to you, terrible week.

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Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby…

Or, rather, sex education type topics and health! This will not be a boring post just about me walking and eating and shrinking! Here we go!

The past week has been that magical time of year where I go to the gyno for my yearly exam which then leads to me having a transvaginal ultrasound to peek in on my uterus to see how the fibroid in there is doing and the yearly mammogram. So, let’s start with the lady doc.

I love my lady doc. We talk about a wide variety of things and she makes me feel comfortable enough to ask questions about things that pop up here and there because I have a body and bodies have things that pop up now and again. Sometimes those things are in the crotch area.

Now, ladies…if you do not own a handheld mirror so that you can look at your entire vaginal area and know what it normally looks like and how things feel down there, STOP BEING SILLY AND GET ON THAT. Seriously. It is part of your body just like all the other parts of your body and you need to know it. So, do that. Know your body. Know your vag.

Side rant: This is just one more way that sex education in this country is failing us. Far too many women that I’ve encountered don’t even understand something as simple as their menstrual cycle. They don’t even know what that process entails! Shouldn’t they have learned that in health class? Damn! Do better, sex education in America. I’m looking at you, too, parents. Step up.

Next up is the transvaginal ultrasound. Sexy. The tech at my doctor’s office hands me the probe and tells me to insert it myself then she takes over control. I suspected I understood why she does it that way but this time I decided to ask some questions. Because I’m a curious girl that likes to know stuff. So I said “Weird question time….do you ever encounter women that are uncomfortable inserting the wand themselves?” She then went on a rant, similar to my own thoughts, about how too many people are uncomfortable with their bodies, don’t know what their bodies look like, don’t talk to each other about their bodies, won’t even really ask questions of her or the doctor about their bodies, and on and on. She did, also, explain that she asks us to insert the wand to put us at ease and feel more in control, since she doesn’t know what our history of sexual assault may be. She also went on to explain that some women are far too overweight to even reach down there! So, ladies, another reason to stay healthy! So we can properly reach our vaginas to keep them clean and inspect them and make sure they, too, are healthy.

One thing to note about transvaginal ultrasounds, they can induce cramps. Not always and not for all people but they can. And for me, they absolutely did this time. Last time wasn’t as bad. And upon my reflection and analyzing of the situation I think it’s likely thanks to hormones. It’s always fucking hormones fucking shit up! I’m 2 years closer to the beginning, if not already there, of perimenopause and I was on the tail end of my ovulation period so my hormones were likely all wonky. Insert an ultrasound wand and boom! Cramps are born. Ugh.

Finally, it’s mammogram time. And I got to see a different tech at a different office since I have the densest breasts that ever did live and require a 3D mammogram. Like, these puppies can’t read, do math, or walk and chew bubble gum at the same time. That’s how dense they are.

Mammograms, for those that have not yet had the pleasure, suck a lot of ass. Please just prepare yourself for it to be terrible and then, hopefully you have a better time of it than I do and it won’t be so bad. It is more than just a little uncomfortable in my experience.

Next side rant: That’s right ladies….we are not all the same. Your period is light, on time, regular, and without mood swings or cramps? Great for you! But do not act like those of us on the complete other side of that description are lying or being babies. Some of us have issues, like fibroids in our uterus, that disrupt the thickening and subsequent shedding of ┬áthe uterine lining each month and make it really sucky. None of us have the same level of hormones at any given time, either. We’re all very individualized and you need to be a better woman and accept that your sisters have different experiences.

So, there you know my lady health crap. I put it all out here in the world basically to say to all other ladies in the world “Know your body! All parts of it! Take care of them, be comfortable with them, talk to your friends and your doctors, and be kind to other women that have different experiences than you.”

I’ll finish by saying my walking this week is just as shitty as last week due to all of this nonsense and other nonsense and I’m up a wee bit in weight but that was likely thanks to my emotional eating of my feelings towards the cramps yesterday of more ice cream than I know I should eat at once. It’ll even out!

Genes

Thanks to various members of my family, I have a hiatal hernia which allows stomach acid to come up into my esophagus and cause heartburn regardless of what I eat. It also created a ring of scar tissue that resulted in food getting stuck and me needing an emergency endoscopy about seven years ago. I now take Prilosec once a day to keep all of that at bay and continue eating whatever the eff I want without heartburn. It’s nice.

But I mathed wrong and ran out of my Rx but just a few days short and thought I’d wing it and not spend money on an OTC version. Until I acted like an idiot and ate a chorizo and egg burrito and damn near died due to how much burn I had and upset, gurgly belly and all of it. Which took me to the local drugstore for OTC Prilosec which was unnecessary since my Rx was in the mailbox waiting on me. I will never, ever, ever do that again. I was miserable and it was terrible and I, clearly, am unable to make wise choices when I know I should.

Also last week was terrible as far as my walking goes:

terrible fitbit week

But today starts a new week and I’m back on track! I just did my office hallway walk and that was over a mile and a half! In a hallway! So, once I do my just over 2 miles at home this evening I’m sure I’ll be over 10k for the day and bam!

I’m in 3rd place in the office weigh loss challenge and, according to the work scale and challenge stats, I’m down 6.4 pounds. According to my scale and my personal stats I’m down 7.8. But my stats started before the office ones did so they’re likely the same, really. Either way! I’m shrinking and feeling good about it.

Adulthood Strikes Back

My boyfriend’s work schedule was different over the weekend which, for reasons that shouldn’t be reasons, threw me off with meal planning. Which is all my own fault and I own that. But it’s there. Which means this week hasn’t been great with my fooding. And today found me at the McDonald’s drive thru and now I feel like ass.

I also haven’t been able to fit in all of my walking so I’m not maintaining my lead or my streak of 10k steps every day, either.

Despite all of this I am just over one pound down from last Friday and I am hopeful for that to be the case tomorrow for the official weigh-in. So I’m 3 pounds from my mini-goal and 17 from my main goal. WOO!

In my realization that I’d like to buy a house but likely can’t but will definitely need to be able to, at least, pay rent starting in a little over a year I’ve been assessing my expenses. And I’ve adjusted where I can and then realized that my personal trainer was my largest non-essential expense and therefore on Tuesday I told him the news and he said “you’re breaking up with me?!” and gave me a hug and then said really nice things about working with me and getting to know me and it was all very nice. He sounds like he’s going to work on putting together some workouts for me to rotate through that I can work on myself there at the gym so we’ll see if I can keep myself motivated to do that!

But what that means is that I’ll be paying off the little bit of debt that I have and all that I’ll have left is my car payment and therefore should have a nice sum in my account for moving expenses and deposits when it’s time.

Now that I have a plan, universe, please don’t give me a wrench. Kthxbye.

So Much Winning

I am number one on my Fitbit friends list!! So many days in a row of over 10k steps, y’all. SO MANY! I didn’t think I’d get them in last night and then I did. Like magic. Or, like walking circles in my house.

Today is my official weigh-in day. And guess what? All of this buckling down has really started to pay off. I am now only 4 pounds from my mini goal and 18 from my main goal!! Can you even on my behalf because I am unable to! It’s about time. But, you know, it was also about time that I got serious about this shit, too, so there’s that.

My mood remains good, even though my cramps were still sort of in charge at the gym and my trainer made me do this one exercise that he didn’t think would impact me but it did and he got, for the first time ever, one of my trademarked “I will kill you!” death stares straight into his eyes. He was impressed. But the mood is good. Despite that and despite that I am dealing with the fact that I will likely never ever own my own home but that’s a whole other thing for a whole other time.

Today I am winning. Where’s my cookie?

Happiness

I was so caught up in my Fitbit tomfuckery that I forgot to update about the walking the hiking, and the weight loss!

Except I did update about the walking since that was part of the tomfuckery so never mind.

Sunday, however, I went on a morning hike and I took both of my dogs and the doggie house guest that I had. One friend walked the house guest. Another friend walked Riley. And I walked my Gladys. Because sometimes I play favorites and that sometime will always be on a hike. Because Gladys is a hiker and Riley is not. But he did really well for our friend, Cindy, and for that we are all glad.

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Have you ever seen a happier dog? I think not. This girl LOVES to hike and it makes me so very happy. She doesn’t sniff and pee on all of the things. She is far too busy hiking for any of that nonsense. I love her and she loves to hike and she is likely my actual spirit animal.

So, my period showed up two days early today and that means cramps and me likely canceling on my trainer for this evening because I get to, dammit. But it also means I am now even more impressed with my current decline in weight seeing as how I usually bloat like a whale during PMS and then the actual period days. However I am down in weight and I am now only 5 pounds from my mini goal and 19 pounds from my main goal! WOO!

I am, however, only in 4th place in the office challenge since other people decided to get serious at the same time I got serious. And we’re going on percent lost instead of weight lost and one girl is already very small so any weight she loses will be a higher percentage and she’s throwing off the curve, man! But that’s fine. Because being in this challenge jump started my motivation and that is well worth paying $5 for.

So, I guess overall I can say my frame of mind is pretty happy and good. I am going to say it’s thanks to my evening walks. Being active really does do better things for me all around then going home and plopping onto the couch until time for bed. It’s on the internet now, so it must be true.

Tomfuckery

I finally got my Fitbit to sync on Friday morning. It synced all of Thursday and that was it. So I had to manually enter my steps as exercise for the rest of Tuesday and all of Wednesday. So, taking those photos didn’t seem so insane after all!

And doing my walks in the evening pushed me to my very first, I do believe, all 10k+ each day week! Go me!!fitbit weekly stats

But what I learned today is that my manually entered steps didn’t count in the rankings and instead of being in 2nd place on my friends list, by less than 2k!, I’m in 4th place. What?!?! This is some Fitbit Bullshit right here!

fitbit bullshit

So, I guess once Tuesday and Wednesday stats fall off I’ll be in my correct ranking position and I can quit being an obsessive maniac over the whole thing.

But, again…if it’s getting me to actually move more and care about losing the weight then it’s a good mania. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.