Trust

I got to hike this weekend. One was a very short, leisurely hike to a restricted area where we were taught the history of a cave. It’s just one story of many in history of the persons that came to this land and decided it was theirs and who cares that other people were already here. They slaughtered the Apache tribe that lived around this cave, used the cave as their refrigerator, pantry, shelter, and school then carved their name into the rock next to petroglyphs. I’ll never understand that mindset. I don’t know why it was in place then and I don’t know why so many of “us” continue to have it today.

During this short hike we had to cross a creek. I hate crossing creeks. I always have. I don’t know why. I don’t know what to do to change my mindset about it. But I got into a situation and froze and my boyfriend came back for me and helped me get across. Once we were on the other side he whispered “You handled that better than you have in the past” and that just warmed my heart. I found myself such a good guy. And on the way home I was, of course, beating myself up for being dumb and he told me a story about how how well he drives on the driving range but then once he’s there at the tee he can hit clunkers. Moral, it doesn’t matter how good my balance is in the gym and in controlled environments. Out in the real world is different and stop beating myself up over gym vs real world.

While I was getting myself dressed for this short hike my little dog, Gladys the hiker, saw me put on the shoes I wear when I hike with her. And she got amped the fuck up. She danced and ran and got excited and went to the door leading to the garage and sat in front of it and then was really mad when I left without her. So, of course I took her on the conveniently planned puppy hike on Sunday.

The girl was READY TO GO, y’all. She walked so fast and we were in front of everyone and she would have walked even faster had I not been there to slow her down. My girl is a hiker. She is focused. She doesn’t veer to and fro or stop to sniff stuff. Nope. She is on the trail to hike. To climb rocks. To be my adventure puppy.

Once I got home I took Riley on a neighborhood walk. As much as Gladys is a hiker, she is not a dog that enjoys a stroll around the block. Riley is that dog. He meanders. He sniffs. He pees on stuff. He could care less about being on the trail. So, he gets walks in the neighborhood and that’s good. Something for just he and I to enjoy together and I’m going to start doing that. Not because he needs the exercise, but because he needs the special time for just him. He’s an insecure little dude and I think it’ll help in other areas for him to have that.

In other news, I hate the scale and I hate food and I hate that I just keep losing the same pound over and over and over. I’m ready to say “fuck it, this is what I weigh now” and just not worrying about it. Until I see myself naked in the mirror and then I’m reminded that I could look way better. I want to look way better. I just need to fucking figure it out.

I weighed myself when I arrived to the office and then again when it was time for the official office weigh in. I’d somehow gained .6 of a pound in that hour of arriving. All I’d done is drink coffee and answer emails. So, I now have permission to weigh myself when I arrive and turn in that weight since I get in an hour before everyone else. So that’s nice. How I gained .6 in an hour is beyond me. Makes NO SENSE! I’m in 5th place. Not great.

I have things to figure out, is the moral of all of this.

Advertisements

Everything Makes Sense

Last week was PMS time and the weekend was full on period time and that explains why I was grumpy, negative, not motivated, up in weight, and eating all of the things.

Despite all of that I have lost some weight since this Monday’s official office weigh-in and I hope to keep that up. I am currently, as of Monday, in 7th place which isn’t great but with all of the reproductive system bullshit behind me I can make up lost time in the next two and a half weeks.

My periods are too close together and I don’t have enough time to just be normal and this is bullshit. /tangent

I whined to my trainer last week about not losing weight and what am I doing wrong without realizing it was PMS bloat time and he told me to start logging my meals again on the MyFitnessPal and he’d review my food logs each day to give me tips. Once I was living in reality and understood why I was a never ending pit of hunger I chose to start logging on Monday. So my logs aren’t totally revealing anything yet to him but to me it reveals that I need to stop being so whiny during the PMS bloat time.

But it’s still good for me to log the food so I know I’m not lying to myself but I don’t like that I’ve gone to bed feeling hungry each evening but I like that I’ve lost weight so I guess it’s all gonna be ok.

This past weekend it did all of the raining and ruined all of my plans and now Randi is way ahead of me in steps again and she is the worst. Except she’s not. She’s just the best at walking more.

Yesterday my mood was shit and I have no idea why other than the fact that bleeding heavily from the uterus while it cramps to wring itself out is tiring and that will impact a person’s mood, ok. OK?!? Fuck. So, I told my trainer I was in a shit mood and he said “I got this” and proceeded to let me toss a heavy ball against the wall, toss a heavy ball towards the ground, and beat a rather large tire with a sledgehammer. He’s so good to me. And today my mood is OMGSOGOODYOUGUYS!!! Period is gone. Endorphins are running around. Life is good.

Today I shall ignore my favorite food truck and, instead, eat the little lunch I brought so I can eat tonight’s Dinner Date Night Dinner guilt free. It’s my turn to cook and I’m cooking up this awesome looking italian sausage I bought at Whole Foods, some bow tie pasta from Whole Foods, some local made spicy marinara, and some asiago and parmesan cheeses from Whole Foods. Basically I went grocery shopping at Whole Foods like a person that has money to spend but my foods are all without any unnecessary crap in them and therefore they are nice and Whole 30ish, other than pasta and cheese, and that whole “clean eating” thing. It matters, really. I can mock it and scoff but at the end of the day eating foods without the unnecessary crap in it is so much better for me as far as health and weight goes. So, there. I just won’t put it into mason jars.

So that’s where we are. I’m back to being 22 pounds from my end goal but I’m going to break my end goal into mini goals and I am now 8 pounds from my first mini goal. I can do this.

Challenge

Everyone in the office weight-loss made up for the gains we all saw last week and only one person gained weight. I’m in 4th place now.

What is really upsetting is that I weighed myself as soon as I arrived and then I had a cup of coffee and about a cup of water. That made me go up 1/2 pound despite peeing right before weigh-in. I arrive to work an hour before everyone else. I can’t sit here for an hour not having water or anything. That’s absurd. Grrr.

I’m doing pretty good with my Fitbit steps again. I’m close to 10k each day and yesterday I was well over. Thanks to a morning hike and then two different impromptu dance parties with the dogs during the day.

My weight loss seems to be stalled and I’m not totally sure what to do. I need to sit down again and look at what I’m eating and where I can make positive changes. But right now I am starving and eating a granola bar that’s full of corn syrup and crap. That’s not gonna help. Nor does it taste good. But lunch is at least 2 hours away. We can’t sit here this hungry for that long. No way.

Meal prep must be a part of my Sundays whether I feel like it or not. Cereal for breakfast leads to eating crap filled grody granola bars. And not having lunch will lead me to possibly making a bad choice. Or I can compromise and get yummy taco parts in a bowl at Chipotle. That’s far better than a lot of things floating in my head. Things like grilled cheese sandwiches with pesto and bacon. mmmmm….

So, that’s a good representation of where I am today. Enjoy.

Fore!

My Dad came to town for the weekend and we spent it all at the Waste Management Phoenix Open. Which means I did a whole lot of walking! But, also, a whole lot of eating really shitty.

Friday we had McDonald’s for breakfast, hot dogs, chips, and a chocolate chip cookie for lunch, and then pizza and pepperoni rolls for dinner. But we also walked about 17k steps that day so you’d think everything would be a little bit ok.

Saturday we, again, had McDonald’s for breakfast, hot dogs and a chocolate chip cookie for lunch, then whatever I could toss together at the house for dinner. But we also walked about 15 steps that day so you’d think everything would be a little bit ok once again.

Sunday we had IHOP for breakfast and because we were in the fancy pants skybox on the 16th hole we had access to all the food and drink we could want. I didn’t go nuts, really. I had some italian sausage and penne pasta in a nice marinara, a little bit of salad, a bag of BBQ chips, and a brownie. Only one mimosa! Dinner was, again, whatever I could toss together at the house while we watched the Super Bowl. We managed to get in around 7 or 8k steps that day. Once again, I thought things would be a little bit ok.

Monday I took Dad to the airport, stopped at Einstein’s for a bagel and schmear and came to work ready for my weigh in. HOLY CRAP! So, yeah. I’m now in 7th place in the weight loss challenge but the good news is EVERYONE gained weight this past week and since mine was really due to me going way out of my usual zone it should come off fairly quick. I spent the rest of yesterday eating like I normally do and getting just over 10k steps in!!

I’m coming for you, Randi. That’s what all of this means. I’m closing the gap between me and my friend, Randi, on the FitBit and I’m gonna close it even more today. WOO!!

I also weighed myself on the work scale and I’m already down 2 pounds so my theory is spot on. More WOO!!!

I talked to my boyfriend last night about how much weight I’ve gained since we met and he seemed to be shocked and didn’t want to believe it so that’s very sweet.

Tonight is gym night. Let’s do this! Remotivated, refocused, and ready to rock!

What on earth?!

How the hell is it February already? Where did all of my motivation and everything go? I have no idea.

Yes, I do. But it’s boring. And this is not a political blog. So all I’ll say is that the state of things in the world has greatly upset me and I allowed myself to dip down into a wee depression and I wallowed for one really good, but poorly timed, weekend and now I’m pushing myself up the hill. It’s what I do and I’m good at it.

So, let’s recap. Let’s see….where did I leave off?…

January 15th was my last post. Since then I’ve done a whole lot of nothing. I did, however, march in the Phoenix sister Women’s March on Washington and that was fantastic! It really was. But, again, not a political blog so I will leave it at that.

Women's March on Washington - Phoenix

I’m currently in third place in the office weight loss challenge. Not sure how that will hold up if I don’t change course right this second on my eating for the week but, you know, next week is a new week and I’m coming up that hill!

I was supposed to do the National Trail Trek this past weekend and the day after puppy hike. But I allowed depression to hold me down, told my friends I had allergies (which, really, I did but….yeah….no), and then did a whole bunch of not much each day. It wasn’t great but I got it out of my system and I’ve been pushing myself each day this week to be back to “normal.”

So, that’s where we are. I’ll do this blog thing more consistently from this point forward…