Over a week has gone by. I’m not even sorry.
Last Tuesday I did this at the gym:
|walking lunges||15yds||15yds||15yds||Set 2&3 – pulse on squats|
|Reverse lunges||15yds||15yds||15yds||Set 2&3 – pulse on squats|
|2 way shoulders||5×10/10||5×10/10||5×10/10|
|Vertical chest press||60×10||60×10||60×10|
|Lat pull down cybex||40×10||40×10||40×10|
|Plate bicep curls||25×10||25×10||25×10|
I am a PRO at wall sits now. 30 seconds goes by like nothing. I can sit there and talk like it’s the easiest thing in the world. This makes me happy.
The plate bicep curls were the hardest thing I did last Tuesday. Of all of the things that was the hardest. I have no idea why, unless I was just tired by then.
While working out, I asked Tyler if he felt i was ready to hike the canyon. He said yes. Then he also said that anybody could hike it. But I’m at an advantage because I won’t get hurt, etc. I just don’t even know what to do with that. I really don’t. Let’s move on.
Thursday the Star Wars trailer came out. I am a Star Wars fan and I’ve been keeping my expectations for the new movie at the meh level because those prequels were crap. Just pure crap, man. But then that trailer came out. And John Williams music swelled in the background. And there was that amazing panning shot of a downed Star Destoyer. And there was Luke narrarating the thing in a vague manner with dialogue from Return of the Jedi. And there was excitement. And then there was Han and Chewie and I got chills and I smiled and I teared up and just like that my expectation level went through the damn roof.
I looked around to see who I could share my excitement with and there was nobody. Not a soul. And it set off a course of sadness.
I didn’t gym on Thursday because I had a ticket to go to a live Welcome to Night Vale show. And oh my goodness how much fun was that?!?!? But…there was nobody to smile with. To enjoy it with me.
I live a very solitary life. It’s fine. I have friends and family but they’re all over the place and/or their interests are very far removed from my own. So it leads to me being alone a lot. And it just sometimes gets to me. This is one of those times. I wish I had a friend or someone like that nearby to share my joyful experiences with. I had that before and I miss is terribly.
Anyway. I moped about it and even put some sad on my FB and nobody really responded appropriately enough for my fucked up asshole brain and then that made it worse. I cried all of Friday evening. Alone with my dogs.
Saturday I got up and went for a hike with my hiking group. It was a very nice hike. Two really good areas of incline and it got my heart pumping good. It was a new area to me. It was pretty but nothing special. I’d go on that one again. A nice, easy 5ish miles.
Then I went home and napped then got ready to go see Purple Rain in a movie theatre with two of my hiking friends! There’s a local dude that organizes these monthly events where he shows classic movies in local theatres. This was the first one I went to and it was a lot of fun!
I love Prince. I love Purple Rain. But I totally recognize that it is not a good movie. But it’s one of my favorites anyway because of Prince. When I watch it at home, I watch it with the seriousness that tiny man is demanding from the audience with all of his over the top acting and temper tantrums. But in the theatre surrounded by people? There was so much laughter! Prince gets angry about Morris being a fool? Angry stomp and dramatic arm swings! Prince isn’t happy about his Dad slapping his Mom? Dramatic staring into the camera. Prince and Apollonia get it on? Cue all of the laughter!! I proclaimed “These people are making a mockery of his drama!” but I was one of those people, too. And it was fun. I had fun.
Sunday morning I dragged my tired behind out of bed and took the dogs on our Sunday hike. Riley is just not a hiker and he’s pissing me off. Which, really, is likely more to do with my being sleepy and sad. I cried. I found a pocket of space in the group where I was surrounded but alone and I cried. And people saw me jerking Riley by his leash and I generally feel like a jerk about all of that. I need to work with him. He’s not been with me very long. He’s got years of training from another household that I have to overcome and that’s not going to happen in four weeks.
Due to me being so sad my desire for a brownie was at high levels. I wanted it bad. I fixated on how sad I was and how a brownie would just make me feel happy. I can’t get a hug? I can’t share my Star Wars joy with someone in person that gets it? I can’t have someone just be there to pat me on my sad little head? BROWNIES WILL FIX ALL OF THAT!!!
I did not bake brownies. I, instead, went to the stores, cooked food, took a nap, and kept myself busy to try to distract from the fact that I’m a lonely little jerk.
I’m currently on day 24 of the Whole30 and I’ve been compliant every day, other than the getting on the scale. I’ve eaten clean and healthy every day and I enjoy it. I only want a brownie because of the sad. And it only sucks that I can’t eat one because of the sad. The sad makes everything stupid. Especially me.
But I have gymming from yesterday to talk about so let’s get to that, shall we? Yes, we shall.
|bosu ball crunch||20||20||20|
|Bosu ball alt knee to elbow||20||20||20|
|Bosu ball alt hand to foot||20||20||20|
|KB single arm front squat||18×10||18×10||26×10|
|Stepper quick feet||10||10||10|
|Stepper dynamic step ups||10||10||10|
|Med ball squat toss||6×15||6×15||6×15|
|Med ball oblique twist||6×30||6×30||6×30|
|Med ball walking lung with twist l||6×10||6×10||6×10|
|Med ball toss||6×10||6×10||6×10|
I felt good and strong yesterday. Nothing hurt. Nothing was super hard for me to do. Challenging and new, sure, but not hard. Other than the dizziness that would still arrive. Bah! But other than that? I did all of this without complaint and I am so happy about that.
And now we’ve caught up again.