Thursday I ate like a normal person. Or, so I thought. More on that in a bit!
I get to the gym, I get on the treadmill. Everything is groovy. Tyler does his usual check in with my body to see what hurts and what doesn’t so he can assess what we’ll do during our hour. And I tell him that my legs hurt in places I didn’t know my legs were capable of hurting and this made him happy because he is clearly a deranged person. This is another reason I like him.
So we go over and we grab a swiss ball and he hands me two 12lb dumbbells and I have to roll out on the ball so I’m laying on it and stabilizing it with my core and legs and then bench press the dumbbells. I can totally practice this at home since Gladys is 12 pounds. And wiggley. That likely adds more resistance and is good for my muscles. That sounds like a real thing, right? Yes. I was able to do these and I was pleased. I did three sets of 15 with the 12lbs weights.
I had to do step burpees. I asked him when in the world they started calling squat thrusts burpees and he got all sassy mouth and told me that his generation has only known them as burpees and then I instantly decided his generation is silly but that his instant smartassery was fun. OH! And during these step burpees, which is basically a burpee that I’m doing with my hands planted on a step instead of the ground, I had to do a pushup. Me and pushups are not yet friends. But we’re acquainted and that’s a start.
The next time I got on the swiss ball I was just sitting and bouncing and he was all “you’re having too much fun!” and I was all “you said you want the gym to be fun!” and he was all “not that kind of fun” and I talked about the little bouncey balls with the handle we had as kids and he said he’d seen one and I was all “What? In an antique store?” because of his generation and smartassery. And then I got down to the business of the rolled out on the ball bench pressing.
Then he had me just throw all caution to the wind and just fucking go for it on the TRX inverted rows. That is what this lady is doing. And I did some. I did some well. And then I did some not well. But dammit I did some! I DID SOME!!!
I’d done these at various angles and he told me that eventually I’d have to do them at this totally inverted angle and I scoffed. Totally scoffed. But here I am in the beginning of May doing some. That’s another real thing that happened.
So, after I would do as many of the inverted ones that I could which, for the record, was three sets. One of 8! And then two of 6. Then I did three sets of 10 at other angles.
After this he put the bosu ball on the declined bench for some sit ups. This is not a real thing. This is a thing that he made up. And I told him and he was all “Look, the bench is real. The ball is real. This is a real thing. But, yes I made it up. Do it.” I think he secretly ate a protein bar before I got there because he was very sassy mouthed. I think that’s what protein does, right? Makes you all happy and smartmouthed? I’m clearly low in protein. Pfft.
Doing the situps my lowerback/upper butt area was doing that thing where it felt like it was pinching or rolling over on top of itself and we couldn’t really figure out what the hell that is but he kept moving the bosu ball until it was in a spot that worked for me. I determined it’s just because I’m fat. And he rolled his eyes and called it equipment malfunction. I guess that means the ball was showing its nipple? Right? Look at me, again, with the super relevant and up to date references. My generation is dated, y’all.
Then I also had to walk halfway down the turf area and back again as I did curl and presses with an 8lb weight. That was pretty easy but felt silly. Which suits me well since I still refuse to be serious at the gym. I laugh. A lot. He likely thinks I’m a loon.
At this point he puts me on the damn stairmaster. And then mocked me for how winded I was so quickly and asked “how fast do you hike?!” and I was all “I stroll, dude. Inclines are strolls” and he was all “pffft….you’re gonna sprint up these hills” and I was too afraid of falling off of the stairmaster to argue so I didn’t. A lot. I mean, I am still me, right? And then I got all dizzy so he made me stop and then I was embarrassed and turned it back on but I didn’t know how to work it and I put the level up REALLY FAST! And I must have made a hilarious face because Tyler laughed, a lot, and then turned it down. And I tried to walk on it longer but the dizzy came back.
At this point he asked what I ate that day. And I was proud of myself because it wasn’t a burrito or a chili cheese dog! And so I explained that I had my usual peanut butter and jam on toasted 12 grain bread for breakfast and a nice grilled chicken, grilled peppers, and rice bowl for lunch. And then he was all “Is that it?! What time was lunch?” and I told him and he said “That is why you almost passed out. You had one piece of toast?” and I explained again, highlighting the bread which he then said “Look, yes, good bread. But you need more than that for breakfast and you need to eat something before coming here!” and then I remembered I had dark chocolate peanut M&Ms around 3ish. For some reason that is not an acceptable pre-workout snack. So, I guess I need protein bars. Imagine the sass that’ll happen then!
I then whined about me not losing any weight and being fat and he rolled his eyes and reminded me about progress and my body fat being down and that is what matters and to, again, stop.focusing.on.the.scale.
I will try.
I won’t be at the gym next week as I will be on vacation. And now I can go on vacation knowing I am up to date on all of my things. *whew*