Today I Cried

Today I went up the stairs at the office but not down. My knee felt fine and good. Mostly.

I’m frustrated in lots of areas at the moment and my mood this week has been a wee bit erratic. Yay!

Anyway. I went to the gym and I beebopped my way in there and I got on the treadmill and started my warm up and Tyler came over and quizzed me about how I felt and I told him, leaving out the boring frustrated in lots of areas of my life at the moment part because who wants to hear that? Gawd, I’m so bored just typing it.

So, the plan is to do legs today! Which is good because I don’t want my legs to backslide while I wait for my dumb knee to feel better. But, I’m not icing it or elevating it and I haven’t bought a brace so how do I expect it to get better? Magic?! Yes. Because I believe. And? I’m stubborn and blah blah I’ll ice my knee!

First up he has me try the super leg press in lots of different angles and depths before he settles on one that he feels won’t jack up my knee. It’s really very good that he is there because without him I’d likely be on my couch or jacking up my knee by being dumb. He prevents that. And I did three sets of the super leg press. Two sets with 100 lbs and one with 150!!! Because he is sneaky.

Then I half assed my way through some leg curls. I did 15 with 40 lbs and then kinda sorta did two sets of 8 with 60 lbs but not really because he was helping me. “That’s what I’m here for!” he says. Which, he is, and I admitted as much but right now I’m being a grump. Watch me grump, yo.

After that there was three sets of 12 different leg presses with 90 lbs.

I make it sound like I do all the sets in a row. They are intermingled. But it’s easier for me to detail each thing in a separate paragraph. We mix it up! Now you know that.

On one of the leg presses he decided to tell me put ONE leg on the press and just do one leg at a time. The damn thing didn’t even budge and I laughed and laughed and laughed some more. It didn’t move. Not a bit. Good lordy be! But, hey, it was good for a laugh and I didn’t beat myself up over that one.

And by this point the standing glute kick backs were just not happening. It felt weird. I was unable to get in the right position. My leg was shaking. The other leg hurt. Neither of us could figure out what my damage was so this was a wash. He noted it, I’m not bothering with the data because it’s all very silly.

Now that my legs are all noodley we went back to do some arm stuff.

Three sets of 12 FM chest presses with 20 lbs of weight. He made sure I was doing it right and then for some reason I talked about punching people in the face and getting out my aggression. I told you. Erratic mood. I don’t just go around being aggressive! Not unless it’s of the passive variety. Which I’m way proud of that behavior.

Did you see that? I’m not being nice to myself…

Then…oh, then. The FM shoulder press. (because I googled for a video of that I now know that FM = free motion! yay learning!) This is the type of motion that is the very hardest for me. Anytime I have to push weight up over my head like that my arms get fatigue super quick and it hurts and they feel like they are going to collapse and then I get so fucking frustrated that I almost cry every time. Every. damn. time. This time? I didn’t stop it. I wasn’t in the mood to stop it. So I cried for about 30 seconds and then shook it off. Because, dammit. It’s absurd that I can’t push 20 lbs of weight over my head. It’s absurd that I can’t push 15 lbs of weight over my head. If Tyler was here and I said that to him he’d correct me and point out that I DID do it. Because, really, I did. I get about four or five reps in and then it all begins to fall apart. I keep trying. And he jumps in and helps and then I want to cry and, well, I did. I cried. I know I already said that but I’m saying it again. Because I cried. At the gym.

He pep talked me about how I’m improving and that there is progress and that I know it and he knows it and that I shouldn’t use that as a reason to get discouraged or depressed and I assured him I wasn’t. But I might cry about it again. I can’t promise I won’t. I’m that person today.

So then he tried to explain to me how to do a bent over dumbbell row with rotation. And I do the bent over dumbbell row. But then adding in the rotation confused me. And it was amusing. And I was trying it with 20lbs, which wasn’t too heavy, but he had me try them first with the 5lb. And then he showed me and he was showing me on his torso where my hands should be at the end of the rotation and I was all “oh, under the boobs. Just say that!” and he was all “i showed you this!” and did the torso example again and I was all “pffft. under the boobs. bam” and then I kinda got it. My right wrist likes to not stay straight, which weakens the arm but I did three sets of 10 of these things. Kinda. I guess? My form was all over. But I was still bent over lifting weights so it’s not all bad, I don’t guess.

Then I drove home and decided against the walk because my knee did hurt. So I lay in the floor and tried to stretch while my girl, Gladys, jumped all over me and gave me kisses and ate my hair. She’s a weirdo. I like her.

For dinner I had delish talapia tacos with black beans. I made that. Go me.

So, there’s the story of the day where I was frustrated to the point of tears at the gym.


2 thoughts on “Today I Cried

  1. Pushing weight over your head is hard and not a regular motion. It would be like me pushing Christa or Casey over my head over and over. Or Betty. LOL

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