Saturday Sets

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I walked this morning and took my 3 pound weights with me. That was one of Tyler’s suggestions to help me boost the strength in my arms.

And I just did some bicep curls and over the head lifts, whatever that is called.

I may do more sets later. I’m feeling ambitious…

Steps toward spiraling

I started the day with sore arms and shoulders. The second day is always the worst! they keep saying.

I went to work and moved computers and monitors and all of that around. I winced when I opened doors with my arms.

My legs, however, felt fine! Which, I’m not surprised but I kinda am surprised. Because my legs hurt while doing the leg stuff. It’s hard and it hurts. But I seem to recover quicker with the leg stuff now than I did when I started. Which is good!

I somehow found myself, again, feeling grumpy later in the afternoon. I’m not sure why. Unless it’s just the PMS. It’s likely just the PMS. Nothing is happening during the day, really.

But I went to the gym and I told Tyler that I was grumpy and he asked how I was feeling and I told him and we started out doing leg stuff.

I did these things on a machine where I squat down with the weight bar on my shoulder and then push it all back up. I don’t know the names of the machines. Which is fine. But it was hard and a few times it felt like I was going to get stuck in the squat position and then nope, I’d somehow push back up. I think he may have helped me a few times but not many.

Then, lunges. Classic lunges. Down deeper, lower!

Then I had to step up and down off a high platform. We started me out with my left leg for the second reps since I’m mostly a right sided person. When I start off with the left leg, it all feels wrong. So we have to train my body to be able to push off with both sides. Because on a long hike we don’t want to wear out my right side, do we? No. I never thought of that. But it’s a very good point. So I did that.

And I had to do those leg curl things on the machine where you lay down and put the bar behind your knees. I did that with 25 pounds, then 35, then 45. The 45 was a killer but I got through 8 before I had to start up my grunting. Oh, the grunting. Who would have thought I’d be a gym grunter?!

Anyway, my legs felt weak after each rep and all of that. But sitting here now? My legs feel fine. My legs are showing progress and that is really nice.

After doing these reps I was feeling really good. My mood had improved and I felt grand.

Then? We moved on the arm stuff.

The first set of the me pushing the weights forward with my arms on the machine was ok. No weight on there. Just the weight of the machine itself which, I believe, is 7 pounds. And it was fine.

Then I had to bend over and pull a bar up to my chest with weight on the ends. I didn’t note the amount of the weight. But this motion was easy for me. I can do this one without any issue.

Then we did bicep curls. It’s a bit harder, but I did it.

Then I had to push it over my head. This is really difficult but I got through the first 10 on my own just fine.

Then back to the machine to push the weight forward. He added weight. This made it harder. I tried my damnedest. I really, really did. I did, maybe, five on my own? And those were really hard.

Then he asked how the bar weight reps were and I told him. So he reversed the order. I got through the over the head mostly on my own. I got through the bicep curls totally on my own. I got through the other one just fine.

Back to the machine for the final round. I barely got through four good ones on my own. And I damn near cried right then and there. I started beating myself up in my mind. I got angry.

He had to help me pushing the bar weight over my head. I did the bicep curls on my own and the other one without issue.

At that point I was disgusted with myself and asked him what I could do on my own to help these damned useless arms of mine along. I told him I had weights at home and he gave me some things to do on my own and he told me he was very impressed that I was that motivated.

He has no idea what my brain was saying to me at that point. But it wasn’t pretty. And it wasn’t that I was proud of myself. At all.

We went and did a bunch of crunches and then it was over.

He told me it was a good job and I think he meant it. But I’m not buying it. Or, well, I wasn’t buying it.

I really am just so fucking angry at myself for being so lazy all that time. For not realizing that I was creating a mess. For listening to other people when they would argue with me when I would indicate what was true: I am lazy, I don’t take care of myself, and I need to do something about  it. People would just take a look at my appearance and assume that I was just exaggerating or something. And I knew the truth and I looked the other way through other people’s eyes. And now I am pissed.

I’m proud of myself right now, hours later. Because I didn’t quit and I asked for ways to make it better and I really did try my best, my hardest. I didn’t give up. I wanted to. Oh, you bet your ass I wanted to. But I didn’t. So for that I am proud. I am proud that I’m being honest with myself and with others, whether they want to hear me or not. I am proud of myself. I’m proud of myself for trying to reschedule next Tuesday’s appointment for Wednesday, after I spend a day on a plane.

I’m still angry at the moment. But at least I’m also proud of myself on top of it.

My arms will not be the end of me.

Dust in the Wind

I had a hike scheduled for after work today but it was very windy. And I finally realize that when it is that windy here in Arizona, you don’t want to do things outside. Because there is dust. Dust everywhere. And you don’t want that in your eyes or in your lungs.

I begrudgingly agreed that was true and then my stubborn ass came home and tried to walk the dog.

It was too windy to walk the dog. It was too windy to walk myself.

The good thing about today is that my scale displayed another lower number this morning! That was great.

I’m documenting what I eat with MyFitnessPal and monitoring my activity level with the FitBit. I’ve kicked in the walks, which for me has always been the magic trick to me losing weight, and I go to the gym. And I’m seeing results!

Today my arms are super sore from yesterday’s workout and I just feel over all very tired. I’m pretty sure this is the PMS fatigue. I had no idea that I got that. But, thanks to apps and documentations I’m learning all sorts of new things. Yay!

And I mentioned the almost vomiting during work outs and my Mom reminded me that I have inherited the hiatal hernia. Which really super sucks because that means it’s not something that will go away as I get used to working out. It’s just when I’m doing the bending down type things that also involve lots of jostling about, like a squat thrust. Which I already hate for reasons that are related to me being oh so lazy and in love with comfort. And now I get to look forward to the hiatal hernia being activated during them. But, at the same time, I do feel better that it’s not just my body being that much of an asshole about me moving it that it tried to revolt with vomit.

I wish I’d been able to go on the hike. I have to go out of town for work and I’m going to miss my training session for next Tuesday and then my usual day to hike, Wednesday, will see me flying back. So, that’s TWO weeks missed of hiking! All while I’m really trying to build up momentum.

Oh, momentum…you elusive bastard.

So many steps

I hopped on the scale this morning and saw a lower number! That was a great way to start the day.

However, something about the day just kinda made me grumpy pants. Which is fine, not every day can be yay.

Tyler had texted me over the weekend to see if we could meet at 6 instead of 5:30 and I, naturally, said yes because why not? But there wasn’t anything I needed to do, no errands to run, so I went ahead and went straight to the gym after work and decided I’d walk on the treadmill for a mile. So I did. On an incline. On my own. Which is pretty good.

Then Tyler showed up and brought the pain. Or, I should say, almost brought the vomit.

First he had me to those pull up things on the ropes. I had to walk my legs in further than I had and then pull myself up. I was able to do about six of those unassisted. The next rep I did 7, then moved my feet back. Apparently, that was the right move. He said he’s fine with me moving my feet to finish the rep rather than give up without getting to 10. And I agree. I do not give up!

I also had to do these lateral jump things on a half ball thinger and then front jump things. At first, because I am uncoordinated and unbalanced, I made them harder than they were. But once I got the groove they were OK.

Then he flipped that half ball thinger over and I had to stand on the flat side and balance on it. He was standing on it making it look all easy while he was telling me about it but I knew. I knew it was going to be hard. And it was. Balance is not one of strong suits. YET! But I stood on it. He helped me up, he stood right there in the event I needed to grab him, and I balanced. For a full minute. Three times. Each time I was a bit more balanced than the last. On the second round we started on some squats. Then the last round, more squats. One with a hold. Which hurt. But I did it.

Then I also had to pick that thing up, hold it over my head, squat with it, do a thrust for 10 reps. I really hated this. And because of the grumpy I complained more than I should have. And? I almost vomited. The jumping and the down motion, apparently, makes me need to hurl while I work out. That’s not a good look. But it’ll get better. My body is just acting out because it misses the comfort of the couch.

We finished up by having me do that thing where you hold on to the bar thingies and lift your legs. I bet that description is not helpful. Google just told me that is called a Leg Lift machine. My description was helpful. These things hurt. The ones where I bend my legs are fine. Naturally on the last round I was tired and it hurt but I did it. And I grunt. I’m a gym grunter. It helps. The ones that required me to lift my legs straight out made me want to cry. I didn’t, but damn if I didn’t want to.

And then? It was over! And I was, again, smiling and happy and covered in sweat.

I’m building a foundation here. I’m off the couch, I’m being active, and I’m building up my foundation. And it’s great.

I still sorta get the impression that people don’t really get just how lazy and out of shape I was. But that’s fine. I don’t really need them to. I felt like I did, but I don’t. I know. And I’m doing all of this for me anyway.

I’m getting my shit together. I’m being active. I’m paying off bills. I’m working towards goals.

Depression is no longer a thing I need to worry about. And that? Is the best thing of all.

Weekend notes

I got back on my walking this weekend. It’s the first weekend in a few weeks that I was free and without plans. So, I walked. I walked me and I walked Gladys. And it was great.

And then I went and ran errands and was active and bought healthier types of food and some not so healthy food and all of that. Small changes without giving up anything will take me far, really.

Sunday I did some dancing in the living room. It’s been a long, long time since I felt like dancing. But I danced. And I didn’t get winded! So, there is really some progress already with my out of shapeness and that is fantastic!

Jeff posted a lot of good information about the canyon hike that got me even more excited about that.

I didn’t get any hiking in but I have one scheduled for Wednesday with the work girls at Piestewa Peak and I can start planning some on the weekends, I believe. Which is awesome!

One of my friends gifted me with an REI gift card as a thank you and that really meant a lot to me. Support is super awesome.

I wasn’t super active this weekend but I was more active than weekends past. And that’s all I can ask for, really.

Thursday gym time

I made it to the gym on Thursday the 20th. Ready to go! Let’s do this!

He had me do squats up against the wall with a yoga ball and weights. I had to do squats with a medicine ball that I then threw against the wall and had to catch then squat back down. I had to do walking lunges. I had to do something I can’t even explain on the step thing but it kinda sucked. Then I did some crunches with weight and leg lifts. Then I had to push the sled thing with 70 lbs on it. And do push ups. And the lateral bar thing for my arms. Then I had to do it all again.

He videoed me pushing the sled. I hope that doesn’t look hideous.

Then he had me push the sled and then pull it backwards. He said that would prepare me for dragging a dead body. Which was pretty funny. Because then we discussed that it would actually help me for pulling an injured friend out of the canyon. Which lead to a ridiculous conversation about splitting up body parts to share the load or the merits of leaving a man behind.

I wound up dizzy and he made me sit down. And then I felt like I may puke again but we pushed through. And then we were done!

I asked him if I was getting any better and he said “Yes, definitely.” and asked if I felt that I was getting better. I explained that the exercises are still really hard for me but I don’t feel as bad the next day. And that while the scale hasn’t gone down at all I do feel that things are moving around and that my yoga pants fit me better. So, that’s a good thing. And I hope I’m not seeing things that aren’t really there or happening.

Gym time is good time.

Third time up the Peak

Yet again we went faster and further in the same amount of time.

I’m on new allergy medication so I found that I was losing my balance more than usual and got a wee bit dizzy but I’m hoping that will pass as I adjust because my allergies are so much better now.

Because of how I felt Stephanie gave me the option to turn back and I said no. That if I were in the canyon and got dizzy I couldn’t just turn back. And my trainer has made me realize that I want to progress, always. Not do the same. Not do less. Progress. So, we went further. Not a lot, but it was further.

And next time? We’ll go even further still.

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(March 19th hike)