So, as I alluded in the last post all of my pre-op symptoms returned and therefore my life has NOT yet returned to normal. Not in any way. BUT! Since this is now my current normal I’m learning how to deal with it while we figure out how to fix it.
I’m living on a diet that mostly consists of Rice-a-Roni, various brands and types of boxed macaroni and cheese, various types of Oreo, chocolate milk, and, currently, chocolate cake. I toss in some deli meat here and there to make sure I’m getting some protein, too. It’s a shitty assed diet but it mostly ensures my episodes aren’t daily and/or that severe. Why these crap doesn’t set it off is beyond me. Why I can have an episode eating chicken wings at 11:45 then recover and eat the rest later in the day without issue is also beyond me. Do you see why it’s frustrating? The lack of consistency is maddening! But, to try to make my life the best it can be I’m sticking with my crap, known ok foods during the work day and most evenings, and then I will give things a go on the weekend. That way, if it sets me off I can just go home.
I’ve switched myself from Prilosec to Nexium and if I determine that is making a difference I’ll make my doctor make that switch official.
I had a MRI this morning to look for any obstructions in the bile duct or issues with the liver and/or pancreas. Sexy, sexy stuff, you guys. If that reveals nothing I’m going to ask him to order a barium swallow test to see if this is related to my hiatal hernia.
So, before we get all sad for my gallbladder, don’t. That thing was janky and had to go. I did not have an unnecessary surgery or lose a good organ. It was jacked and I’m glad it’s out of there before it caused more severe issues for me.
BUT! If this turns out to be nothing more than my hiatal hernia just needs some simple adjustment, I may still get pissed. One can never tell. Especially since I’m now over $4000 into this thing and we still don’t know what the fuck.
I currently am not hiking because, oddly, water will sometimes set off an episode (that’s what I call them now) and I don’t want to be miles away from the trailhead and suddenly feel like ass. The pain makes it hard to walk so that would just not be a good look. But it’s messing with my Zen in a real way. My Zen is depleted.
What I could do, and need to motivate myself to do, is go to the gym. I’m completely healed from surgery, and have been for a few weeks now, and there is no reason to not go. There are things I can do at the gym that will help with the Zen. There. I set a goal. Maybe?
I also need to stop going home and getting on the couch. I’m about to be right back to where I was when I started this here blog and that’s no good. There are chores and tasks I need to do and doing them will keep my mojo and my Zen flowing and make sure I’m a happy Andrea that doesn’t turn into the downtrodden Andrea as soon as I start to feel bad.
That totally means I’m being dramatic at times. I know this. I can admit this. But I don’t need other less self aware persons pointing it out to me or acting superior to me. I know I’m being drama, not being able to eat tacos will do that to a person, fuck!
It also means that because my Zen is depleted I’ve allowed myself to wallow or be all self pity party for a bit. I’ve had a few disappointments that, yes, are very disappointing and years from now I will regret making the choices that I made despite them being the right choice/decision. But it’s ok to be disappointed. I just need to stop dragging it around with me like a security blanket. And I just now realized that I’m not doing that anymore and then remembered that I’m on my period and my morose attitude over the weekend and the last two days makes total sense and people can suck on my balls.
In other news, I’ve started reading “Picturing Prince” and taking in the photos and I have to tell you….it’s delightful. I’ve laughed out loud a few times at the stories that Steve is sharing about his time working with Prince and I really do love getting even these tiny glimpses of him as a person and not just as capital P Prince. I suspect if you’re not a fan, however, you’d get no enjoyment from any of that.
And there you go.